The first four years of our relationship were peaceful. We had our problems but they weren’t anything serious. They were mostly misunderstandings that we easily resolved. Even when I got pregnant for the first time and we decided to get rid of it, it didn’t tear us apart. When I got pregnant again, and we decided that we weren’t ready to be parents, we took care of it and it didn’t affect our relationship.

Our relationship survived five pregnancies and five abortions. Things only began to shake when I moved in with him last year. By then I was waiting to be posted to work as a general nurse. The two of us living together revealed a lot about him that I never saw in the four years we were together. I found out that he is a chronic cheat. He didn’t even try to hide it from me.

For the one year we lived together, we fought constantly. Sometimes this guy would tell me, “I need you to leave the room at 7 p.m. I am bringing another woman over, and it will kill the mood if you are here.” One time he asked me, “Now that you are living with me, where will I take my girls when I am horny?” I thought I had seen him at his worst until I got pregnant for the sixth time.

This time around, I insisted on keeping the baby. He didn’t like that. The first thing he told me was; “Whether you keep the pregnancy or not, I will not marry you. So choose wisely.” I couldn’t reconcile the beast he had become and the man I fell in love with. I have never cheated on him or disrespected him but this guy treated me like trash. I cried every day till I lost the pregnancy.

After everything, he said; “I don’t want to be in a relationship that demands that I make a commitment to communication, attention, and provisions. That’s why I’m dating those other girls. What I have with them is strictly friends with benefits.” I was hurt but I didn’t let it show. At that point, my posting came in so I moved out and relocated to my place of work.

While I was away, I found out that after the miscarriage I developed some complications. I had to see a doctor, which I did. I was prescribed some medications. I bought the ones I could and left out two expensive ones.

When I realized that I couldn’t afford the drugs, I informed this guy about it and asked him to help me out. He said he would give the money to me but I didn’t hear from him for a while. So I called to remind him about it. While we were talking I said, “This medical issue I am dealing with came at the same time as some family problems I am equally dealing with.” This guy angrily shouted, “If I knew this is what you were coming to talk about, I wouldn’t have answered your call.” Before I knew what was happening, he hung up and switched off his phone.

It was late in the night but I set off to his place. By the time I got there, it was a few minutes past midnight. And I found him in bed with another woman. Prior to that, I heard from the gossip vine that he had been bringing different women over since I left. I never cared enough to try and catch him with them. I figured it was none of my business.

However, things were different that day. The fact that I was talking to him about my health but he hung up and switched off his phone because of another woman, really messed me up.

I am usually calm and peaceful but when I saw him in bed with the lady I lost it. I slapped him, insulted him, and cursed him. Then I smashed his phone. I was so aggressive and violent to the point that I held his joystick.

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When he got free, he punched me in the head and dragged me on the floor through the hallway outside. I think about this incident and all I can say is that I have completely lost myself to this relationship. I feel so guilty for acting violently. I need a psychologist or therapist to help me find myself again. I have never been an aggressive person so I would hate for it to stick.

I’ve Thought About How To Blame God

I had never fought or gotten into an argument with anyone in my entire life. I have seen what I am turning into and I don’t want it. I also don’t want to carry the trauma this relationship has caused me into the future. I want to unlearn this aggression that has become me. I want to use this pain to become a better version of myself. If not, I will lose my mind. This is why I need a psychologist who will help me at a discounted price. Please, I am at my wit’s end.

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—Charity

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