We knew each other in JSS but we never got together until we completed SSS in 2007. Not only was he my first relationship but he was my first love as well. I was also his first love. What we shared was more than words can describe. Even our families knew we were together. I remember our first kiss. We were lying on his bed. The kiss was so intense that his bed shook vigorously and I got scared.

I nicknamed him SD, which is an acronym for Soul Doctor. We were inseparable. We spent our weekends together, and one of the things we enjoyed doing was dancing to J. Holiday’s song “BED”. Our special song was Keisha White’s “Weakness in Me”. Our love was so strong that it rubbed off on my bestie and his best friend. The two of them also started dating. So the four of us usually spent time together.

One day we went on a weekend trip. We all lied to our parents just so we could go to a very nice hotel around La. SD and I were still virgins but we planned to finally do it on the trip. We bathed together and touched each other in intimate places. When it was time for things to go down he stopped and said, “Babe, I love you so much but I don’t want us to do this. I know you are only willing to do it because you planned with your best friend that both of you will lose your V- card this weekend. But that girl has already done it. So let’s wait till you are truly ready.” I was shocked but I agreed to wait. Later I found out that everything he said was true.

SD and I were big on public displays of affection. We kissed freely, held hands publicly, and hugged whenever we felt like it. What we shared was too sacred to be hidden.

Two years into our relationship, SD lost his beautiful mum. I was there by his side through it all. Sadly, his father also passed six months after his mother’s death. My boy became an orphan with no family to support him and his siblings. I became everything to him.

Admissions came out for the university and he got into the same school as my bestie, while his best friend and I got into two separate schools.

He called when I settled into school and told me he couldn’t go because he had no financial assistance. “How much do you need?” I asked him. “Everything costs GHC700.00,” he answered. I immediately went to the bank and transferred the amount into his account. He was so grateful. He promised to pay as soon as his brother sent it to him. I didn’t mind. I was just happy to help the love of my life.

We shared everything with each other. He even knew my timetable. I had lots of suitors coming my way and he knew about all of them. We believed strongly in open lines of communication, and it made us strong.

Two years down the line, our communication started breaking. I would call and he wouldn’t answer or return my calls. This continued for months. It was emotionally exhausting but I held on, hoping he would change for the better. However, he never did. I got tired of waiting so I spoke to him. I told him I couldn’t continue like that anymore. “SD, we will either fix our problems or walk away from each other. Think about it.” After I hung up, I cried as if the relationship had ended.

When we went home on vacation he begged me on his knees that I should take him back. He cried like I’d never seen him cry before. Not even when he lost his parents. I still loved him but he confessed that he had started smoking. He promised to change but that was a deal breaker for me. With my broken heart, I walked away from him.

It was difficult for me to move on because I used our kind of love as a standard for any man who came my way. I wondered if I made a mistake by letting him go. No one had what it took to steal my breath away until I met my husband. We dated for three years before we got married. He was everything I wanted in a life partner and so much more. And oh, I didn’t have shuperu with anyone until my wedding night.

There was a time I tried to reach SD but his number was out of reach. Eleven years after our break up, my former bestie asked me about him and I said I didn’t know his whereabouts. In response, she gave his new number to me. I called the number and he picked up. I was happy to hear from him. We talked as if we hadn’t been separated for more than a decade. I was on an overnight journey, and we spoke throughout the night.

He said, “T, if your husband hadn’t properly wedded you, I wouldn’t have hesitated to make you my wife even though you have three children.”

He saw my photos and couldn’t believe I look so good. When I sent him photos of my kids, he said they should have been his and mine.

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After I told him all about my life he explained that he had gotten involved in some shady deals. They smuggle cars from  Togo. So the police were on his trail. He fell into bad company because he had no family support even to this day. He just did whatever he could to survive. When it came to his love life, he talked about his girlfriend. They have been together for four years. She bears a striking resemblance to me and even bears the same name as mine.

We’re about eight hours apart from each other so we didn’t meet in person until I visited my parents. He didn’t believe I was in town until I went to see him. I was right there in the same room with SD and he was looking so handsome, well-polished and elevated. He asked for a hug which I freely gave him. I could feel his heart beating fast and loud as it used to. I pushed him back and pointed to his chest and said “Your heart, SD.” He was embarrassed as he said, “It always beats for you, T.”

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After talking for a while, he tried to kiss me but I didn’t let him. He did everything including showing me his erected joystick but I wasn’t moved to do anything with him. Out of embarrassment, he wanted to go out and smoke, but I talked him out of it. Then it started to rain out of nowhere. I couldn’t have gone home so I slept in his bed. I was scared he would force himself on me but thankfully, he did no such thing.

We still talk, but recently he suggested we stop talking. He says he fears that things might get out of hand. Honestly, I realize that I still care about him but I don’t love him anymore. I only love my husband. And I am not a cheat, but I understand SD, old flames easily catch fire. Catching up with him gave me the closure I needed to finally close that chapter of my life. Now, it’s time to concentrate on my marriage.

#MyFirstRelationship

—Taylor 

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