There is a lot of anger in my heart as I type this story. It is all because of my boyfriend, Joseph. Joseph and I were practically best friends before we decided to take the relationship to a romantic level. I was sure I knew him well. That’s why I agreed to his proposal that we study each other for marriage. For the past year and a few months that we’ve been together, everyone in our church knows about our relationship. 

He is the youth president of our church. That makes him the social butterfly of the youth. Everyone wants to talk to him and be his friend. It was through this same position of his that we got close in the first place. So I know it comes with the job. 

So many people in the church have a cordial relationship with him. Most of them are women in the youth group. Again, I know it comes with the position. That’s why I never complained or acted jealous when I saw him relating cooly with them. If anything, I join in and get friendly with them as well.

Joseph and I get along quite easily. That much is evident in the way we carry ourselves in public. You don’t even have to see us holding hands to know that we are in love. You just have to catch a lingering stare between us. Sometimes it’s the way we finish each other’s sentences. It makes people look at us with admiration.

I would be lying if I said our relationship dwelled on a bed of rose petals. Or that everything he does is perfect. One problem I have always had with him is the extent to which he goes with his female friends when it comes to conversations. 

I have access to his phone. He lets me go through it so I know he has nothing to hide. Sometimes when I do, I don’t find anything. However, I don’t get that lucky at other times. I have seen certain chats that would appear to anyone as suspicious. I would ask him about them and he would tell me, “There is nothing between us. We are just friends.” I tell him, These are not things you say to friends,” but he stands his ground. 

I have seen these not-nice chats on three occasions with different women. The most recent one was too glaring to sweep under the carpet. If I took screenshots of that chat and posted it online for strangers to judge the nature of their relationship based on the content of the conversation, people would conclude that there is nothing platonic or spiritual about their relationship. 

The chat started when my man responded to a picture the lady posted on her WhatsApp. It was a photo of a s*x position. Joseph’s reply was, “Can you do that position?” The lady responded, “Yes, and I can even do more than that.” 

As a youth president, I expected him to start a lecture on Biblical principles and sexual purity. I mean, that is what a good spiritual leader would do. My boyfriend did a 180 degrees and went in the opposite direction. He told the lady, “Can we meet so you do the position for me to see?” My jaw dropped when I read that part.

The rest of the chat basically involves the two of them scheduling dates to meet. Every time they decide on a day, one person will cancel on the other person.

I knew if I asked him he would tell me it was just friendship talk so I decided not to say anything. I was just giving myself time to process what I saw and make a decision about the relationship. Unlike him, I couldn’t hide my feelings and pretend nothing was going on.

I started growing cold and distant. He noticed it and asked if I was okay. I said yes but I didn’t behave like it. He kept pushing me to speak out until I finally told him I saw his chat with one of the youth members. 

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The evidence was glaring but to my surprise, he rather got upset and asked me; “I only asked to meet a friend and you are acting as if the world has ended. Is it wrong to meet the opposite sex?” My heart was aching but this guy chose to use anger as a defense mechanism. 

He has refused to accept that those kinds of talks with female friends are part of the DON’TS in our relationship. As my partner, why must you behave as if I am asking you for John the Baptist’s head when I tell you not to go about flirting with other women? “If you truly love someone, you won’t disrespect them this way,” I have told him.

I Found Him In Church Cheating Instead Of Praying

My concern now is the lady. We are in the same church. She knows Joseph is my boyfriend. How will she be looking at me after all this? What will she think of me if we see each other in church? I know Joseph did all this because he has no respect for himself but it’s paining me that my image is dented by his behaviour. 

Now I wonder how this girl would be looking at me and thinking of me when she sees me at church. I’ve told him I’m done with the relationship but now I have to go about wondering how many of these church girls pity me or think me a fool.

— Patricia

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