I am the second of five children. The way things are going in my family, I am very sure that something is amiss. I am convinced we are under some form of spiritual attack. I am saying this because of how things are turning out for me and my siblings. I used to be a very intelligent student when I was growing up. I was one of those gifted students who held so much promise. I was going to do great things in life.

Then I went to high school. That was when things began to change for me. I kept falling sick. It affected everything, most especially my ability to study. My academic performance started declining. The crowning was when I wrote my WASSCE. When the results were released, we found out that I failed some papers. I couldn’t apply for school that year. I wrote NOV/DEC but failed miserably.

I decided to apply for a distance education course at the University of Cape Coast (UCC). I got in and graduated in 2018. I have not landed any good job since that time. Currently, I am working with an NGO. The money isn’t good but I’m managing. I am certain my expenses wouldn’t feel stretched had it not been for medications. Yes, I am still falling sick constantly. Before a month ends, I would have gotten sick and gone to the hospital.

I spend more money on medication than food. It is as though I am working to fund medical expenses. That’s why I am not making any progress when it comes to finances. Tell me, is this normal? I have never experienced full joy and good health one full month before. If I don’t fall sick, something will happen at home that would require all my salary to fix or resolve. It is as if I am not meant to own money.

I have people in my life who have volunteered to help me do one or two things that would bring me extra money only to turn back on their word. Anybody who tries to extend a helping ends up forgetting they even wanted to. I am not the only one in the family experiencing this. My brothers have shared their experiences with me, and they are no different from mine. Nothing works well for any of us. We meet people who promise to help us but just leave without a word.

The one good thing in my life right now is my husband. I thank God every day for giving me a supportive husband. We got married last year with only my family present. And ever since we got married, the rate at which I get sick has increased. I am young and beautiful, and I like to believe I live a healthy life. But somehow I have high blood pressure. I am constantly going to the hospital for this and taking medication for it alongside medication for other illnesses.

READ ALSO: My Marriage Is Over But My Husband Doesn’t Know It Yet

I can feel my husband is fed up but he can’t say it. Aside from all my other troubles, I haven’t been able to conceive. We tried different hospitals but nothing they did worked. Recently, we visited another doctor and he asked me to run some tests to check if my tubes were blocked.

Silent Beads, the whole thing is just too much for me. I sometimes feel like ending it so I can set myself free. I mean, what am I doing here if nothing will work for me? Friends have abandoned me because of my constant sickness and the fact that I am always broke.

I was very scared to go for the test. “What if it’s true that my tubes are blocked? What will I do?” This was the thought on my mind for weeks. I also worried about the fact that I can’t afford any expensive fertility treatment. The more I thought, the more I asked myself, “Why is it easy for others but so difficult for me to be happy in this life? Who did I offend up there?”

After several struggles with fear and anxiety, I ran the tests. I was even scared to go for the results. So I waited till a few days ago to go and see the doctor. Thankfully, the news was good. My tubes are not blocked. They gave me another set of medications to help boost things. But the truth is, I am ready to give up. I’m really tired of taking all these drugs that don’t yield any fruit. I really need some encouragement and possibly, spiritual and psychological support. I am just so tired.

—Yaa

If you have a compelling story to share with us, you can email it to us at [email protected] or send us a voice note on WhatsApp number 0593290182.

#SB