I am beautiful. I am not the one saying that. It is what people tell me. My mother said when I was a child, a woman saw us at the market and told her I looked like a Mami Water. She laughed at it because it was meant as an exaggerated compliment of my beauty. That’s just my mother’s experience. I too have had people gush over my beauty and call me a mermaid. Mostly I just get embarrassed and laugh.

This whole reference to me and a mythical water creature never bothered me until a prophet told me I have a spiritual husband. It bothered me a little but I didn’t let it cripple me or prevent me from living my best life. I would have continued in my indifference toward the subject had I not experienced a breakup recently.

The relationship lasted one year and four months. It’s the one relationship that brought out the best in me. I was the one who made the mistake that caused the breakup. I knew I was at fault but when he asked that we end things, I didn’t beg him to stay. I watched him leave even though it broke my heart.

The past version of me would have held on and fought with everything within me to make him stay. It just happens that I had fought for people to stay in my life so many times that people began to see me as desperate. One time someone even sat me down and advised, “Learn to let people go when they decide they no longer want to be in your life. Begging them to stay is an unattractive look.” That’s why I let Stephen go without a fight.

After the breakup, I have been doing a lot of self-reflection. It’s about all my relationships. Not just the romantic ones but friendships too. My very first best friend was a girl I met when I was in kindergarten.

We were sworn sisters until we got to our final year in JHS. We had a little misunderstanding and that was it. My best friend went about slandering me. I was surprised she would do such a thing. Why would you spread false rumours about somebody to make them look bad just because you got into a fight with them? I knew a lot of things about her that could ruin her life but I never told anyone or attempted to.

After that friendship, my cousin who was also my ICT teacher introduced a girl to our class. She became my new best friend. Through her, I got my first boyfriend. She was also the reason that the relationship ended. Regardless, our friendship went on. We are not as close as we used to be but we show up for each other every once in a while.

When I got to high school too, I met a girl who became my sister. We were as thick as thieves. After high school, we were still cool until we had a little misunderstanding. I tried to make things up to her but she refused to give me a chance. I spoke to someone and they told me I was not at fault. I was just misunderstood. Still, I couldn’t win my friend back. She is a nice person but sometimes things are not meant to be. I was hurt to lose her but I had to let her go.

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Right before things ended I met another friend. This one is a man. He is amazing to hang out with. His name is Abdul. Another guy also came into the picture. His name is Julius. The two men are now friends and I am their lady friend. They both have girlfriends so it’s all platonic between us. We are a trio and things are good now. However, looking at the way all my friendships end, sometimes I worry that I will lose them too.

When it comes to romance, my second relationship was the one that gave me the deepest heartbreak. The guy didn’t even have the decency to break things off. He just walked out of the relationship and left me there by myself. I did cry my heart out and begged him to come back but he was too far gone. I am not proud to admit this but I even resorted to spiritual means to try and bring him back but it did not work. That’s how low I sank because of my desperation to keep a man.

She Cried That Day On The Altar


After that experience, I learned not to cling to someone so much when they decide they are done with me. It’s just so painful that I have to keep losing people in one way or another. And the way it happens surprises me. The moment someone leaves, another person comes to replace them. I don’t plan to substitute one person for another but it just happens. It is because of all this that I didn’t fight to hold on to Stephen.

I keep wondering if this is all happening because of what the prophet said. If indeed I have a spiritual husband, maybe he is the one driving people away from my life. Is that something that can happen? Could that also be the reason people keep telling me I look like a Mami Water? Is my inability to keep friends or romantic relationships a spiritual affair? Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying I am perfect. I make mistakes. Sometimes I mess up unintentionally but who hasn’t? My question is, is a little misunderstanding something that should ruin a happy friendship or romance? I have all these questions but no answers.

— Rosie

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