I read a story here a few days ago. The lady said the guy had problems with her because she accepted his proposal too easily. It’s true what they say, that people don’t know how good they got it. I am here wishing my relationship happened that easily. I am sure that if my fiancee had accepted my proposal so easily, things would have been different for me right now.
When I met her, she was experiencing a breakup with her ex, Kay. She had emptied the chips of her heart into Kay’s palms but he was not ready to accept everything she had to give. That broke her. When I arrived at the door of her heart, she was still cleaning up the mess he left in his wake.
I didn’t mind that she was still grieving him. If anything, I was ready to help her heal. The fact that she was so wrecked by his absence only meant she was the kind of woman who loved with her all. Who doesn’t want to be loved with such intensity? However, the downside about people who love so deeply is, that when they get hurt they shut everyone out. That was the kind of energy I received when I tried to woo her.
My guys, it wasn’t easy. The drama, back and forth, hurtful words, and the constant mention of Kay would have been enough to push anyone away. The good thing is, I am not anyone. I am a man who knows what I want and goes for it. Oh, she turned me down one too many times. I knew it was all because she couldn’t trust that I wouldn’t hurt her the way Kay did. So I did not let that deter me.
One time out of frustration she told me, “I know you are a good person but Kay is the man I still love.” It was painful to hear those words but I didn’t give up. The only thought in my head was, “You love Kay but he is not here, I am. If you open your heart a little bit to me, I will take you to places he never dreamed of taking you to.” I didn’t say these to her. Not in those exact words, anyway. I was patient with her, assuring her of my unwavering love.
As I said, it was not easy. The more I stuck around the more I heard statements like, “The way I love Kay, if he had loved me half as much, nothing in this world could ever stop us.” Once again I mused my response, “If only you will open your eyes and see me, even half as much as I see all of you, our story will be an envy to many.”
With patience and perseverance, she started coming around. I would ask to take her out and she wouldn’t make up excuses. She started warming up to me but it wasn’t without reservations. I knew she was holding herself back but I went all out for her. I felt if she felt safe in my love, she would trust me enough to love me wholly.
I took the slow progress we made as small wins to be celebrated. I had to, because it wasn’t a smooth road. One moment she is ready to let go of her past and love me for who I am. The next moment she is telling me, “Among all the people I have dated, you are the one I love less but you are the one who loves me more.” I was pained to hear them but I took it cool. When you are trying to love a wounded woman, be prepared to be scratched from time to time.
We have come a long way since those dramatic times. Now we have a beautiful love story we’ve been writing for the past five years. We have watered and nurtured each other through the years. If you ask me the state of our relationship, I would say we are a healthy couple.
With her counsel, support, and encouragement, my life has changed immensely. I have also done the same for her. When I met her, I had a first degree while she was an SHS leaver. Now, she is a degree holder while I have my second degree.
She learned how to do decorations alongside her schooling. After school, she used to rent the materials and tools she worked with. But now she has bought almost everything she would need to do her deco gigs. I have also bought sophisticated production equipment for my business. Also, I didn’t own a car then but I do now.
Our jobs and education aside, I am building a house while she has a plot of land. All these achievements came about because of the support and sacrifices we made for each other. So sometimes I tell myself that if the relationship ends, nobody’s time was wasted. Apart from the emotional pain of separation, we wouldn’t have lost anything. We both gained from our union.
I am talking about things ending because of our past. We are planning to get married soon but when I think about all those hurtful words she said to me before we became official, I get worried. I ask myself if she has truly come to love me fully or if marriage would reveal all that is hidden. We spoke about my fears. She apologized for the things she said. “I said those things hoping to push you away. I didn’t know that we would ever date,” she explained.
I understand her but those words still live rent-free in my head. I know she said them years ago but they still ring in my head as clear as the days she uttered them. Had it not been for the past, I would say we are perfect. This is why I am working on my fears before we take the big jump.
I am just here to tell the guys who say that nothing good comes easily, that it is not always true. When you meet mature people who know exactly what they want, there is no need for drama.
Would You Help Your Woman Attain Higher Position Than Yourself?
And to the ladies, be mindful of the things you say to guys who propose to you. These things might become emotional scars that can never be erased and will cause a lot of damage like it is doing for me right now. I never said hurtful words to her so she has no fears when it comes to marrying me. However, I am the one who is scarred so I am the one battling with the doubts and uncertainties.
I keep telling myself that I am ready for anything that will happen in the marriage, even if it comes to divorce. Meanwhile, she hasn’t done anything presently to make me feel this way. It’s just the ghosts of our past haunting me. I am dealing with it so I don’t become a problem. I pray I succeed.
— James
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Please communicate in order to remove any doubt you have. 2 Seek therapy. 3 Becareful of what you wish for because it will come to pass . 4 Don’t forget to pray and build a relationship with God.
I thought the other story was funny, James,but yours is sad. It’s like the guy who coveted something so badly, say a car. He works so hard and saves for it. He buys it and brings it home and immediately begins to regret his action; he feels deflated because he thinks he overpaid for it. Fortunately this is not a car, and you haven’t overpaid. It is still true that nothing good comes easy, which means your partner is good and worth keeping. Kay is not better than you. The only difference between Kay and you is that he met her first. If she had met you first and you left her, she would now be using your name to disturb Kay. This is a girl who gives her all, as you’ve noticed. After you marry her your name is going to gradually erase Kay’s from her heart. That is until Sweet Baby James comes along. You can’t compete with that. Cheer up, you are on the right track.