I am thirty-seven. My woman is thirty-two – years old. We have been together for two years now. Marriage is on the horizon. I am good and ready. The problem is I was engaged for a long time before I met her. That relationship was a disaster in the end. I sincerely believe I would have died from emotional abuse if I hadn’t left when I did.
We were together for five years. I believed sincerely in the idiotic ideology of a happy wife happy life. I did everything to make this woman happy at the expense of my happiness, health, and dreams. Yet in the end, I learned you can’t make people happy. The best you can do is create a healthy nurturing environment for them to thrive and if she doesn’t want that, you are only human. All my sacrifices didn’t amount to anything so I moved on.
When I met my current girlfriend, I was very open with her. I told her about my past mistakes, shortcomings, and all the things that went wrong. I didn’t want to repeat my past so I was clear on the kind of relationship I wanted.
I told her, “I believe in commitment, communication, mutual kindness, and support.” she nodded as I went on to say, “I am looking for an intelligent, kind, and hardworking woman to build a future with. I want a serious monogamous commitment.” She excitedly told me all about the ways she shares my values. “I also want someone I can be best friends with so we can build a future together,” she said.
Now two years into the relationship as we approach marriage, my woman is changing drastically. Any question about her finances and income leads to an argument. She has adopted this “baby girl” lifestyle. She wants everything to be bought for her. Even GHS5 phone credit. This is a woman who makes GHS8,000 a month as a branch manager.
She asked me to pay her rent. When I offered to pay half of it she got angry. The next thing she demanded was a car. She knew I was investing in my new business, but when I offered to pay for half of the new car, she got angry. “Real men don’t do that,” that’s what she said.
I am just shocked.
When it comes to cooking too, it’s a problem. All she wants to do on weekends is TikTok, online shopping, and sleep. Whenever I try to talk to her about it, she tells me that I am lucky to have her. I have seen where this is heading and it doesn’t look good.
In a previous relationship, my fiancee started on that trajectory and I panicked. To keep her happy, I spent more money on her. I tolerated her insults, mood swings, and disrespect. But I have no intention of repeating that experience here. My feelings are equally important in any relationship. I have no intention of kowtowing to my partner.
What is now making me doubt the marriage is our disagreement on where to live after marriage. I have built a two-bedroom house in Kasoa. The initial plan was that we would live there. However, she has changed her mind. She wants us to rather rent an apartment in the city and rent out the Kasoa house. She says living in Kasoa is stressful.
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We talked about how to manage our household. My woman said she would not contribute to household expenses. She wants a monthly allowance to cover her personal needs and the house. Also, she doesn’t want to contribute to our joint Treasury Bills savings account anymore. This wasn’t how she was at the beginning of the relationship. We were in tune. We tangoed beautifully. Now it feels like we are in a tug of war.
When it comes to our sex life too, it’s dull. We used to be hot for each other. These days, she doesn’t make any advances toward me. When I asked why she said, “But I am here. You can do it anytime you want.” Who wants a woman who treats sex like she is doing you a favour?
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After everything I have seen, I am dreading marrying her. I am not looking for an orphan to adopt at this stage in my life. I am looking for a forward-thinking partner. Not someone who will become a financial burden. Am I being unreasonable? The country is hard, is it wrong to want your partner to work hand in hand with you to build a better future?
She has some great qualities but these new changes have set the alarm bells off. I have been there before and I feel if I don’t deal with these issues, it will ruin our future. Or do you think it’s best I walk away?
— Seth
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Just walk away. Besides I can tell you she has not changed. It is who she really is. She was pretending. What you see is what you get in your marriage. Create a peaceful environment for yourself and not for others. Put you first. Search to you find who is true and right. She will never change because that’s who she is blood deep and bone deep. We build a good relationship with someone who has good morals that can be a good foundation for building a good home. Don’t kill yourself for those who don’t deserve you.
I hope you’re going to take our advise into consideration. Walk away. Be glad she’s already showing what she will do if you marry her. One of the greatest mistake you can do is marrying an inconsiderate person that feels like they’re doing you a favor. I hardly comment but this particular story caught my attention. All the best
Run
Run!!! But ask questions as to why the sudden change. I believe ladies are easily influenced by their friends. The sudden change could be that she’s adhering to the advice she got from her friends.
What is the purpose of the questioning. If she’s being influenced by her friends then thats even worse.
Run, bro, run. And don’t look back.
Run for you have already seen fire
Hmmm this life erh…i have same experience. Dated for 5yeards, engaged and then suffered emotional abuse. I was ready to contribute to our joint savings and supported this man to the very end. I have to even beg him so i can share part of household expenses because i sometimes spent the weekend with him and did not want to seem like a liability.
Sometimes, people deliberately hurt us or, take advantage of us when they realize that we love them so much and make them feel indispensable. This isn’t the sort of liability you would want to endure for the rest of your life. A man gets tired at a point. A man gets to a low point at some point and will need a helping hand. Love is kind and such kindness should reflect in out activity rather than stressing our love ones. My man, will not have to bear his burden alone – if i am in a position to help. I won’t tell you to leave your lady or not. But love shouldn’t be this bitter and painful.
Don’t just give up and walk away. Nowhere cool. Work ar it, talk freely, bring in a counselor, if you have to, and after that study her for a while before coming to a final decision. People are the same everywhere, like they say.
Sorry but people are not the same everywhere as someone mentioned. 32 and behaving like 22 . Look elsewhere sharp cos what you are seeing is what you will be getting after marriage are you ready for it? Walk away bro don’t slack .
Run like Mr. Kasongo….
Walk away seth. Someone who makes GHS 8,000 but still expects an allowance every month after offering her free accommodation in your two bedroom house is not worth keeping. You should be saving money as a father to give your children a good education, leave some assets for your children. She has lost her luster for the relationship even before saying I do.
Nah mate. It won’t end well if you choose to ignore the red flags and go ahead with marrying her. Pull the plugs on what you have with her immediately. I repeat ‘don’t do it’.