When I met David seven months ago, I felt stars dancing under my eyes. Butterflies had a field day in my tummy. And I am certain I saw halos adorning his head. It felt like a divine encounter. His smile bewitched me. I didn’t stand a chance against him. Although I barely knew him, there was something trusting about him. I felt so at ease with him that I gave him my heart before he even asked for it.

When we started dating everything was magical. There were fireworks when we kissed and I felt butterflies every time he smiled at me. We were beautiful together. Everything about him was intoxicating. I suppose that’s why a lot of things got past me. By the time I started thinking straight, all I could see were the red flags I overlooked.

The first thing that caught my attention was the fact that he has never introduced me to anyone in his life. Not his friends. Not his family. Not even his pets. When I asked to know where he lives, he said he lives with his mother. “I am not asking to move in with you,” I argued, “I just want to know your house. It doesn’t make sense that we are dating and I don’t know where you live.” He then assured me that he would take me there.

I gave him time to do what we discussed but that never happened. He always came up with excuses. “My mother is in a bad mood today, so I can’t bring you to meet her.” Another time he would come up with another reason that involves his mother. Even when I asked him to take me to the neighbourhood and show me the house from afar, he still used his mother as an excuse not to do it.

I got the message loud and clear that David didn’t want me to know where he lived or meet anyone in his life. But I was determined to make it happen so I dealt patiently with him. I asked him to meet my friends so they could put a face to his name. This guy refused. I didn’t understand him. “First, you refused to take me home. Then you refused to introduce me to your friends and family. And now you are refusing to meet my friends. Is this whole relationship a joke to you?” I asked him. All he said was that he loves me but I should give him time.

As time went on, I noticed that his priorities in the relationship had changed. He no longer thought it necessary to call me regularly. He only answered my call when he was in the mood to talk to me. And he was barely in the mood to talk to me so we spoke once in a while. If I don’t call too he wouldn’t call me. I would text him and he would respond after several hours. I felt alone in the relationship. I complained but his behaviour didn’t change.

A month ago I sent him a simple message; “It’s important to me that I meet at least one of your friends. Please make it happen, or this relationship is over.” This guy read the message but he didn’t respond. For three weeks he didn’t text or call me. I even called him but he didn’t respond to any of my calls. I was hurt that he chose to ghost me when I gave him an ultimatum, but I didn’t know where to go look for him, so I was left wondering if that was the end of the relationship.

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After three weeks he texted me on WhatsApp, “Babe, are you mad at me?” He didn’t even offer an apology. He just wanted to pick up from where he left off as though nothing had happened. That way he could avoid the ultimatum I gave him. I saw through him this time around, and I refused to play along. I asked him for explanations and he told me, “You were acting up so I took some time apart to breathe.” Still no apology, just a justification for his bad behaviour.

He caused me a lot of damage when he ghosted me so I refused to let it slide. I asked him, “If you were having problems with me, why didn’t you address it?” You should see him playing victim, and acting like a silent partner in the relationship. He completely ignored the problem I have and kept going on and on about how I am the problem. “Have you forgotten the part where I asked you to do something for me and you just blew me off for weeks?” he concluded.

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What he said was utter exaggeration. This is what happened. He has started selling some products recently. And he asked me to go and market the products for him. He wasn’t referring to online marketing, no. He wanted me to go in person and sell the products on the streets. When will I find the time for this when I work nine hours a day, six times a week? I tried to explain this to him but he didn’t want to understand so I ghosted him for a few days. It wasn’t even up to a week yet he claimed I blew him off for weeks. So he punished me by ignoring me for three weeks.

I don’t understand why he wants to treat our love like a dirty secret. I am afraid he will do worse in future, should I forgive him and take him back. But sadly, I am still in love with him. It’s making it difficult for me to make a decision. Please advise me on what to do.

—Love

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