It all started when my husband started ignoring me. I might as well have been invisible to him. He would barely talk to me. When he did, it was with disdain. When it came to provision, he withdrew it. I had a husband I was living with but I felt like a nobody. He was behaving this way toward me as an act of punishment.
Ever since we got married, I never turned down my husband whenever he needed intimacy. Even when I was not in the mood and he wanted it, I gave it to him. I was your typical traditional wife. I did all the domestic work while maintaining a career so I could help with the bills. I was also the same person who spent the most time with our kids. Which means all the physical work of raising them falls on me.
I never treated this man badly or did him any wrong. I played by the rules that were set for me. Everything they said good wives did, I fulfilled them. The only day I faltered in my duties was one night when I got sick. Despite my poor health, I still pulled my weight. I made sure the house was clean, there was food at home, and the kids were well taken care of.
It was tedious to exert myself this way but the one thing that kept me going was the thought that I would finally get some rest after the kids had gone to sleep. When it was finally time for me to retire to bed, my husband started touching me.
On any other day, I would have gone along with it until he got what he desired, but that night was not any other night. “Not tonight,” I told him, “I am not feeling well.” It was either he did not hear me or he thought my illness was not something that should get in the way of his desires. Whatever it was, he chose to ignore my protests and try to persuade me to give in to him. I also knew how terrible I was feeling so I said no.
Out of anger, he said, “If you won’t let me do it then take your body. I will also take my money. From now onward, don’t ask me to give you money for anything.” He sounded serious but things spoken in anger often sound serious. I told myself, “When he calms down he will realize how harsh he sounded and let it go.” It turned out that I was wrong.
I never thought he could take things to the extreme but he did. I tried to get us to talk about the issue so we would move past it but he refused. He would go to work and not return home. He gave me the cold shoulder on days he was at home. I didn’t want to make the problem worse so I quietly watched him do whatever he wanted.
I started feeling small in the marriage. It even affected the way I carried myself about. I would hunch over as if I was trying to disappear into myself. All my efforts at making peace continued to meet the coldness of my husband.
This went on until I met a married man. He was also having problems in his marriage. That’s how we bonded. He would talk to me about his problems at home and I would give him counsel. I too would share my cold war situation at home and he would give me a listening ear.
We were just trying to be each other’s support systems through trying times. One thing we did not consider was the effect the constant communication would have on us. How can you talk to someone 24/7 and not grow fond of them eventually? That was what happened in our case. All that being there for each other soon grew into love.
When we realised what was going on, we tried to cut off communication but it felt like an impossible situation. The peace and calm I got from him were like a force pulling me to him. Even gravity couldn’t have had such a strong effect. With him, I didn’t feel like a nobody. I felt seen. I felt heard. I was understood. He too said he felt the same way with me. “How do we just walk away from this great connection we share?” He asked.
Things escalated when we met to talk and ended up doing the did. From that moment, I knew there was no hope of walking away from him. That was the beginning of our affair. My marriage was five years old when I started seeing this man. We have been together for two years now.
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Two whole years. This is how long it has taken for my husband to come to the realisation that I have accepted his silent treatment. It is now he has started working on reconciliation. He apologizes every chance he gets. It would have meant something two years ago but I don’t love him anymore. Unfortunately, I am in love with somebody’s husband and I am struggling to end it.
I know I was not forced into this affair but I have tried everything possible to end it to no avail. My boyfriend refuses to let go. He says he can’t live without me. I don’t blame him. After all the ways we’ve bonded, we have fallen deeply in love. We spoke at length about this. “What are we going to do now? This whole situation feels like a mess,” I asked. In the end we agreed, “We will divorce our spouses and be together.”
I Found Him In Church Cheating Instead Of Praying
As the saying goes, it is easier said than done. His wife says she won’t grant him the divorce. She wants him to stay for their kids. Me too my husband says he is not going anywhere. He is now ready to fight for our marriage and fix whatever is broken. I am also at a point where I feel he is too late.
I know some people will insult me but that’s fine. I didn’t enter my marriage thinking I would find myself in this kind of situation but here I am. I am in a mess that feels impossible to get out of. I need advice on what to do. Should I push for the divorce and go be with the man I love, or I should sacrifice my happiness and give my husband another chance? What would you do if you were in my shoes?
— Ma Afia
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Afia the grass is greener where you water it. You think you know your lover but I am telling you this you don’t. You can only know the true character of a person when you live with him. My sister the surface is always deceptive. You grew love for your lover when you bonded with him . I am telling you this you can also fall in love again with your husband but it comes with a price. You have to let go off the other man. If I were you I will work on my marriage. Good things are not handed to you on a silver platter. The price of good things takes sweat,sacrifice, discipline to get it. I know it’s not easy to let go of your lover but pray for strength and grace to do so. Don’t be the reason for someone tears. If you still want the other man then you have to break yours like you are breaking his. You kraa d3n na wop3? .You wanted attention and you didn’t get it and now it’s at your door steps in person you don’t want it. Becareful if not you will cry bitter tears for eternity. Anka wo kunu any3 saa anka wob3ka s3 m’aware3 y3 me boa? But no where is easy. You should have taken it as a test. Because it was a test to check the foundation of your marriage. Small wind mpo nie na ab) wo off tangent yi. Take this too as a test and flee from it . Its better for you to cry today than tomorrow. Sacrifice for your family so that when your kids grow they will be thankful for the good deed you did . Your husband will hold you in high esteem. You will become like a precious metal to him. You only see the present but the end which is the future you can see it. That is what you should be afraid of. If the left hand causes you to sin cut it off like the bible tells us. Out of mind ,out of sight they say. What you are chasing is vanity. Draw closer to your husband but mostly draw closer to God by praying . You have my name so I want what is the best for you.
This is great
You have said it all dear, God bless you
🙏🙏🙏
Whatever I wanted to say has been said by Maameefua and I pray you take her advice seriously.I am not sure your husband is the worst man on earth and like she said you don’t know a person well enough unless you stay with them ,my dear sister give your husband the chance to correct the mistake and also try and forgive him to make the marriage work and you ll enjoy the best marriage ever.Wish you all the best letting go is not easy but it’s worth it.
When they start with bla bla bla, but that’s not the problem, know that they are being plain nonsense here.
Love is like faith. It comes without reason, but it comes with consequences. If you are having problems in your marriage, it doesn’t mean you should let another woman suffer because you have fallen in love with her husband. You didn’t have to act on that feeling, in spite of your condition. There could be consequences for you. If you’ve fallen out of love with your husband, pull away from him – I didn’t say divorce him – and pull away from the other guy, by all means. After the separation, and with time, God will, hopefully, show you a way.
Hello Ma Afua stop playing games on us here, we’re not kids wae!
You’re only tempting us into giving credence to what you’ve already decided and you won’t get that from some of us!
Kindly give out the contact of you ‘husband’ and I will personally inform him about what you are doing to enable him make an informed decision about your deceptive nature.
You are only citing that so called ‘cold shoulder’ of your husband to deceive us into supporting you nature and position.
This amorous relation might possibly not be the first on your part.
Remember, “you can conveniently receive some of the people all the time, but not all the people all the time time.”
Remember, whether you leave that relationship now and return to your husband or not, you will definitely, however long it takes, to suffer the natural consequences therefrom.
God cannot be mocked for whatever a man sows shall he reap.
You can’t eat your cake and still have it.
Mafia,you don’t know a man until u start to live together.Go back to your husband and rebuild your home.Yiu and the other man are deceiving each other,to be forewarned is to be forearmed.Think of your kids,letvthe other man go his way dear.Goodluck in your marriage..
Maafia, it’s unfortunate what you had to experience with your husband. It hit you that hard because you loved him dearly and you had to convince yourself you were out of love with him so you would be able to carry on your affair with your lover.
Now my dear, I think you should give your husband another chance, not because he deserves it, and not even because of your kids, but rather, for your own peace of mind.
Please do that to avoid the “what ifs” in life. You have tasted how it is to feel needed, heard, seen, appreciated, valued and cherished. I believe that currently, even with your husband, you would not settle for less than these. If indeed he is ready to make ammends, he would be willing to treat you with the love you deserve and you in turn treat him with the respect he deserves.
You warmed up to your boyfriend because of how he treated you. If your husband is back and is ready to make things right, please for your own peace of mind and to avoid any regrets in the future, give him another chance. If you do and it doesn’t work out eventually, you really wouldn’t have lost much because you can always find love again and you would know you gave everything and it just didn’t work out. But if you don’t do that, but run into the arms of your boyfriend and it doesn’t work out for both of you, you would always wonder what would have happened if you had given your husband another chance. Please save yourself the stress and regret of the “what ifs” and give him another chance.
A lot of men out there feel the need to ignore or give a very cold shoulder to their girlfriends/wives as a way of punishing them and its one of the dumbest things men do. Your husband was so wrong in his treatment of you, but two wrongs don’t make a right. Most people are saying give your husband a chance and I agree, but a lot of things were not right in your marriage right from the beginning. It seemed like he just was there to give money with little to no support in raising the kids or even helping ease the burden of household chores. If these are not worked on, a time will come when the physical weariness of all these will weigh heavily on you, and it’ll create another type of problem for your marriage. So give him a chance, but think about all the things that weren’t right from before, not just on his part but also on yours. And talk about it all before your start again. Don’t leave anything out, no matter how small it might seem