In 2019, I got married under the ordinance law. Sadly, we are now separated. All because I refused to continue risking my life just to save a marriage that was slowly destroying me.

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My husband is desperate for a child. He started getting agitated when I didn’t conceive during the first few months of our marriage. To set his mind at ease, we went to the hospital for medical screening. We were both relieved when the results showed we were both fine.

After trying and trying for a whole year without conceiving, I told my husband we should return to the hospital together for a more detailed diagnosis. He refused.

He said, “I am perfectly fine. Maybe we are struggling to get pregnant because of all the pregnancies you terminated in the past,” he accused.

I married him as a virgin and he knew this. I guess when you are desperate enough to make someone guilty, you would pull out anything to use as ammunition against them.

From that moment, everything changed. He insisted on treating me like I was responsible for our problems. He stopped giving me money for upkeep. I have a job so I took care of my needs and didn’t complain.

The next thing that ceased was his affection. I had a partner but I felt completely alone in the marriage. It was a feeling I wanted to go away. And I believed my husband would start acting right again if I gave him a child.

Lord knows the things we do when we are desperate. Unless I didn’t hear of a fertility clinic, I would be on my way. My life became about going to work, returning home, and visiting fertility clinics. From one doctor to the next, they all told me one thing. “The test results say you’re fine. You should be able to conceive soon.”

My husband refused to follow me on these visits. He claimed he was fine no matter what I said.

I was at home one day when he brought a man. “He is a herbalist,” he gestured to the man, “he is going to help us have a baby.”

That day the man gave me a concoction. “If you drink this, it will clear all the blockages in your womb,” he instructed.

I was willing to do anything to save my marriage at this point. So I drank it.

Something that was supposed to “cure” my womb gave me kidney failure. I also developed a large cyst in my ovaries. I spent several weeks in a hospital bed. I don’t know where I would have been if it hadn’t been for God. By His grace, I survived.

After everything I went through this man didn’t even spend a kobo on my hospital bills. According to him, my illness was not caused by his herbal medicine but rather my own underlying health conditions.

I didn’t have any underlying health conditions prior to that concoction. But after that painful experience, my body has never been right. Yes, I am healed but I can still feel the illness in my bones. Once in a while, I feel unwell.

While I was going through all this, he was chasing other women. So I decided to stop risking my life in an attempt to give him a child. No more hospital visits. No more trying. I decided I would rather live my life safe and healthy if it meant I wouldn’t get pregnant.

He grew increasingly distant because of this. I didn’t complain. Rather, I prayed that if it’s meant to be, God should give us a miracle to save our marriage.

His mother tried to intervene but he dismissed her advice.

At one point, it became obvious he wanted a divorce but didn’t have the courage to initiate it. So he chose to frustrate me. Every little thing he would say, “Leave my life.”

He made it clear he didn’t care what I did with my life.

Thankfully, I got admission to the university. I’m a trained teacher, so I managed to fund my admission and other expenses without his support.

Although I was in school, I made every effort to fulfill my duties as a wife. I returned home often to cook, clean, and even tried to maintain intimacy. He rarely showed any interest in that though.

Despite my best efforts, we lived like strangers. Occasionally, he brought home yet another herbal medicine, insisting it would cleanse my womb. If I refused to take it, he would stop speaking to me, reject my food, and even refuse to let me wash his clothes.

After nearly losing my kidneys once, I didn’t care about his tantrums.

When he saw this he started threatening me to pack my things and leave. He said we were incompatible. I didn’t leave. I stayed because I still had hope that a miracle would happen and something good would come out of our union.

Then, in 2023, everything changed.

I stumbled upon a lab report revealing that he had been diagnosed with oligospermia (low sperm count). To say that I was shocked wouldn’t do proper justice to how I felt.

He knew all along that he was the problem but kept it hidden from me, wow!

When I confronted him, instead of apologizing, he got angry that I invaded his privacy. This crushed me.

The fact that he wasn’t sorry after all the pain he’d put me through was something else. He literally blamed and broke me for something he knew very well was not my fault.

I was hurt yes, but I found a way to forgive him. I even encouraged him to seek medical help, but he insisted there was nothing wrong with him.

Since then, he’s been moving from one woman to another, trying to prove his manhood. I couldn’t continue living like that.

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I moved to campus to give us some space but it didn’t change anything. People he respected spoke to him but he remained the same.

By and by, I completed school late last year. When I returned, he tried again to force herbal medicine on me. I refused. That was the final straw for him. He told me to pack my things and leave. This time around I left. I was tired of fighting to save a sinking ship.

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It’s been five months now since I moved.

Rumour has it he’s moved another woman into the house. Clearly, he’s moved on and wants nothing to do with me. And that’s okay. I know deep within me that I did everything I could. I gave this marriage my all. It just wasn’t meant to be.

— Tilly 

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