I don’t know when they started dating. According to my mother, Phoebe brought the man home in 2015 saying he was the man she was going to get married to. When my mom asked what the man did for a living, my sister said, “He’s a man of God with the anointing on his head.” My mom asked, “Man of God from which church?” My mom said my sister mentioned a name of a church she had never heard of all her life so she assumed it was one of the new churches in town.

My sister called me when they were about to marry. She said, “Finally God has heard my prayers and had given me one of his own, a pastor.” I said my congratulations and she told me the date they were going to get married. My sister was working in a bank then. She was doing well but according to our family’s tradition, we all (5 siblings) had to contribute something toward her marriage. My two brothers in the USA sent a huge amount to her and the two of us here also sent our token.

Some months later, they were married. I was there and saw everything that happened. It was a beautiful wedding that made all of us happy. We are five siblings. Three women and two men. Phoebe was the last born and she was the last to get married. We called ourselves blessed.

One day I visited my mother and through conversation, she told me about the struggles my sister Phoebe was going through. She said, “I don’t know why all the men in this world she chose to marry an unemployed man.” I asked, “But she said the man was a pastor?” My mother said, “Pastor of which church? When she met him, the guy was in the process of establishing his church because he said God has called him. Do you call such a person a pastor?”

They had been married for over a year and that man was always in the house, living on my sister’s paycheck. It was then I got to know that my sister paid for everything during their wedding. The man only promised her that he would pay her when things turn outright. I was surprised to hear that because my little sister wasn’t that soft to be pushed around by a man. My mom said, “Maybe she was desperate to get married.” I said, “I doubt it. She was too independent-minded to be frustrated about marriage”

I called one day to ask if everything was alright and she said, “God is taking care of us.” I was trying to get her to share her issues with me but no matter how hard I tried, she only said, “God will provide.” I stopped trying. After all, it was her own issues and maybe she was ok with it.”

One early dawn, my mother called me, “Auntie Aggie just called me. She complained bitterly about how Phoebe’s husband had been treating her. She said she overheard them fighting and later heard Phoebe crying. The man had been beating her.” I said, “He doesn’t work but has the strength to throw his hands?” The next day I went to their house to meet her. The man was there when I entered. I looked at my sister’s face and saw traces of worries and tiny marks on her face. The man wouldn’t leave us to talk so I left. I called her in the evening and asked what the issue was. She said, “Trust me, we are fine.” I asked, “I heard rumors. You guys have been fighting?” She laughed and said, “Who will peddle such baseless lies? We are fine. Stop worrying about me.”

And then the banking issues started. My sister lost her job. At that time, they had a son. My sister was on maternity leave when she was laid off. She called my mother and cried to her. My mother told her, “Tell your brothers and sisters about your problems and they’ll help you.” She called my two brothers in the USA and told them about her job loss and the struggle she goes through to feed. My brother told her, “You don’t have a job now so what is your husband doing to help you? He should be taken care of you?” That was when she told him her husband doesn’t work and he was still waiting for the face of God.

My brothers were sending her monthly allowance. She didn’t tell me anything because she felt I was against her husband. Aunty Aggie kept calling my mom telling her to come for her daughter before the man does something irreparable to her. My brothers got angry and told her to divorce the man else they were not going to send her any money. I was concerned about the child. I asked her to send the child to our mom and she called me names.

No money was coming from my brothers so she came to me. I told her, “I don’t have issues helping you. Nobody does but how can we give you money and use it to take care of another man who’s supposed to work and take care of you?” She told me, “Leave my marriage out of this. If you want to help, I will be grateful but leave my marriage out of this.” So, we left her to her fate.

She went to my mom and ate from her kitchen and even took some of the food to her house. My mom said four days passed and she wasn’t coming around so she decided to go and see her. She went there and saw her face swollen with bruises all over her skin. She screamed, “What happened to you?” She said, “Nothing happened. I just slipped and fell on my face.” My mom asked, “The marks on your hands too happened because you landed on your face?” She was quiet. She started crying. The man was standing there listening to the conversations. My mom told him, “I will come for my daughter and you’ll starve to death. If you have strength, go and farm for food.”

One morning, I and my other sister and my mom went to her house, packed all her things, and pushed her inside the car, and left with her. She fought with us but we were not going to allow her to stay in there and get killed. There is a saying that you can force the horse to the riverside but can’t force it to drink. Two days later, she went back to her husband and called us demons who were trying to destroy the beautiful things God was about to do in her life.

I felt she had been brainwashed and was not acting sane. All my other siblings gave up on her but I wasn’t ready to do the same. So, I started fighting the man. He told me, “I’m not holding her bound? You can take her away if you want to but I know she will return because what God has put together, no man has the right to put asunder.” I told him, “Let that same God give you a work to do you, devil. Is it the same God who asked you to abuse her? Are you sane at all?”

I looked at my sister and I cried. She was the prettiest among us but you look at her and you see a shadow of herself. She looked emaciated, bearing a lot of marks on her face due to the various abuse she had gone through. I wasn’t ready to give up on her. We made a case at the police station. When the police came, she told them, “We are fine. My sisters are only jealous of my marriage and trying all they could to destroy it.” She told the police her husband had never laid a finger on her. “He’s a loving husband. He’s going through challenges but he tries his best to put food on the table for us.”

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I was boiling with anger watching my sister lie to the police. The only option available to us was to speak to the landlord of the house they were living in. They had six months on their tenancy. We pleaded with him to terminate it and ask them to leave in the next two months. He listened to us and agreed. He served them notice and paid the rest of their rent to them. One month later, she came home pleading with my mother to give them a place to live until they were able to rent a new place. My mom told her, “You’re my daughter. There’s always a place for you here but that man can also go to his mother for a place to live. He can’t live here with you.”

Again, we went there and packed her things and brought her home. She was still sneaking to see her husband. She was smuggling food to him every now and then. The guy was living with a friend. Three months later, he had the audacity to bring his things to my mother’s house saying he was coming to live with his wife. It hurt me that I wasn’t there that day. He would have run with his tail between his legs. Who born dog?

Now my sister is sober. She wakes up each morning crying about something no one knows about. She has regrets. She feels wasted and now thinking about how to rebuild her life. Traditionally, we’ve ended the marriage, waiting to put a finality to the divorce in court. When everything is done and settled, my senior brother had agreed to come for her so she could begin a new life in the US. I think about all the struggle we’ve gone through to rescue my sister and wonder what exactly that guy did to her that he was able to take over her thoughts and her whole being, manipulating her the way he wanted. It’s still a marvel to me. One day in heaven, I’ll ask God that question.

–Feena 

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