Cheating comes like a whirlwind. You find yourself in the middle of it and don’t know what to do. You want to look at what’s happening but you’re blinded by the dust the wind throws in your eyes so you don’t see clearly. You want to turn in the direction of the wind. You want to escape it and be free. You just want your life without the wind, but it takes time—a very long time before the dust settles.
I’m describing the scene when I found out my husband was cheating on me. Our marriage was only a year and five months old.
I saw his new relationship with his phone and felt it was unnatural. He clung to it even in his sleep. He went to the toilet with it and went inside the bathroom with it. I made a joke to draw his attention to the change; “You’re now a Siamese twin with your phone. No one goes without the other.”
He was too busy to catch the vibe. I knew something was wrong, yet I was scared to find out. I dropped hint upon hint to alert him but he didn’t change. I put it frankly; “Dear, are you seeing someone else?”
He burst out laughing. “Someone else?” he asked me. Do I have the time to be seeing someone else? How can you even ask such a question?”
I let it go until I couldn’t let it go any longer. My spirit yearned for answers but my body was too scared to pursue the questions. One night while he lay sleeping, I picked up his phone and before I went through it I prayed to God, “Dear God, let me be wrong so this marriage will be right?”
I was right. He was seeing another lady whose office building was adjacent to his office building.
They met every day during their break time and had lunch. When they closed, they stayed behind and talked. Their first kiss happened in the lady’s car while she was driving. The lady talked about it as the “The day you nearly caused an accident. How can you kiss me while I’m driving?”
They had a favourite place where they met to have sex. It’s a beach house they didn’t name. The lady was talking about getting pregnant because she wanted to have his child. My husband was happy to hear that but in our home, we had planned not to give birth until we were three years into our marriage.
I read the messages with my heart on my chest. I was shaking. I was going crazy. I uttered a word out loud and he woke up to see his phone in my hand. He didn’t do anything. He sat there and watched me. “So it’s true,” I said. “What is lacking in our marriage that you have to look for it outside?”
He didn’t say a word until I started screaming. He came out clean, telling me how it happened and how he didn’t intend for it to happen and how the devil might have had a role to play. I didn’t sleep in that room that night. The next morning, I called her parents. I told them everything. They called us home and tried to resolve the issue. There too he apologized but I was too hurt the only thing that came to mind was to fight him.
I stopped being a wife. I taunted him and asked him to go to his mistress. When he asked for food, I responded, “Didn’t you eat from her car before coming?” When he came to sleep beside me on the couch, I pushed him off and asked, “Didn’t you get enough from her today?” When he came home late from work, I asked, “You didn’t die today too? I thought the kiss this time caused an accident.”
I was bitter. That’s what cheating does to you, especially when there is nothing wrong in your marriage and it happens. You’re bitter because you don’t know what went wrong. In my mind, I was doing all that to punish him, to let him know the gravity of what he had done so he wouldn’t do it again.
A few months later, he proved to me that he was a man of action. He went to work and didn’t come back home. I called him at 11 p.m. asking his whereabouts. He didn’t pick up. I called his parents to ask if he was there. He wasn’t. I started getting scared. “What happened to him?”
I called all his friends and they didn’t know where he was. By 6 a.m., he was at the door knocking. He didn’t wait for me to ask where he went. He said, “I slept in her house last night. It was peaceful there.”
“Why didn’t you remain there?” I screamed. Who was chasing you out? Do you think I care? Here are your things, pack them and go and live there for good.”
I was burning with all emotions—the negative ones. I called his parents again and reported the issue to them. When they came to our house to resolve the issue, I was hoping my husband would say he was lying and that he said what he said to get me angry. He accepted in front of his parents that he indeed spent the night with his mistress because she gave him peace.
His parents were angry. They insulted him and questioned his morals. I asked them to carry him along when they were going. When they left, we had a huge fight where he said he regretted marrying me. “You’re the one who cheated. We were peaceful until you brought this shame. Who should regret marrying who?” I questioned.
My Mom Doesn’t Care How I Make The Money I Send To Her
That night, I picked up a phone and called his mistress. The lady said something that brought a huge awakening to me and it was the reason I decided I would lay my armour down and fight for my marriage.
Part two comes at 1p.m. today.
— Adoma
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