We were supposed to get married last year. Before Covid made a mess of the year, it was our dream to crown our four-year relationship with a beautiful marriage. Sammy, my boyfriend was ready for it and I was ready for it but slowly, the pandemic crept into everything and destroyed all good intentions we had for our relationship. We still didn’t give up. We pushed it to June. When everyone was screaming, “By June we’ll all be dead,” We were very hopeful so we said, “By June we would be married.” When June was getting closer, we realized it wasn’t going to be possible so we pushed it to November. Getting to November, the company Sammy was working for started doing restructuring. There were fears that people were going to lose their jobs so we agreed to hold on with the plans until this year. 

Throughout the changing phases of our plans, my elder sister was against the whole idea of us getting married in the midst of the pandemic. She raised a lot of concerns; “In this period of Covid, when you do a wedding no one will come and it’s a shame to hide behind Covid and get married. You guys should wait until things get better. Where are you rushing to?” Anytime she raised concerns against the idea, she ended it with, “Where are you rushing to?” So one day, I responded, “We are rushing to start a family. Is that a bad thing?”

She felt insulted but didn’t tell me about it. I didn’t even know what I said rubbed her in a wrong way until my dad called me one evening; “Your sister has made a complaint about your attitude towards her. She’s your elder sister. You don’t have to disrespect her because she’s not married and you’re about to marry. What you told her wasn’t right. Call her and apologize.” I asked my dad, ”What did she tell you? How did I insult her?” My dad responded, “She called to tell me that she was advising you on your marriage plans and you told her she hadn’t been married before so she can’t advice you.”

“Dad, me? She told you that’s what I said? That girl is a liar! I never said such a thing.”

I called her right after I spoke to my dad. I asked her why she lied to our father and she told me, “I didn’t lie. That’s exactly the meaning of what you told me. What do you mean if you tell your elder sister that you’re rushing to start a family? I only wanted to help you as my younger sister but I’ve realized you don’t need my input so from now onwards, I won’t say anything concerning  your marriage.” It turned into a heated argument. I said I didn’t say what she was pushing in my mouth. She said I said it; “I’m older than you and I understand the Twi language better than you do.” I deiced not to push it any further. I left her to think whatever she wants to think.

We are four siblings. Three ladies and a gentleman. She’s the eldest and I’m the third born. For some reason, my parents are alive but she had assumed the motherly role in our lives. Every decision we take in the house should pass through her for approval before we can carry on with it. We give her that respect as an elder sister but she doesn’t contribute anything in our lives except order us around. Apart from our brother (he’s the second born) who doesn’t live in the house with us, we all live together. Fortunately for us, we are all working. Our parents are retired but living comfortably on their retirement plan so they don’t take anything from us. They only want us to stay around until we get married, that’s why we were all living in the house with them.

Thankfully, Sammy survived the restructuring happening in his company so early this year, we picked up the plans of our marriage again. We had already done the knocking and had bought everything we ought to buy on the dowry list. The only thing left for us to do was to decide on the date we were going to get married. We decided on May 2021. Around April, I realized that I was pregnant. I called Sammy and told him about it. I cried on the phone while telling him. “This is going to destroy everything for us. I’m doomed.” He was equally disappointed but he told me, “This is not anything to be worried about. I don’t think it will show by May. Don’t worry, we’ll get through it peacefully and silently without anyone knowing about it.”

We went to counseling and I pretended to be very energetic so the pastor wouldn’t get a clue about the pregnancy. I didn’t even tell my mother but somehow she got to know about it. She said, “You’re pregnant.” I said, “No ma, I’m not pregnant. How can I get pregnant when I’m about to marry?” She laughed at me. She said, “I’ve been your age before. I’ve carried four pregnancies so I know every stage of pregnancy. If you don’t know then I’m telling you that you’re pregnant. Go and check. If you are already aware too then I’m telling you that you can’t lie to me.” I accepted defeat; “Yes, you’re right but please, don’t tell anyone. It’s our little secret. Our wedding is just weeks away. No one will know.”

We went for counseling one evening and we met more people than we were used to. Previously, it was only the pastor and his wife who sat through the counseling. But that evening, the church elder and his deputy were there. There were two other junior pastors present. I thought it was just another phase of the counseling session. The pastor started, “As you can see, there are more people here than usual. This means today is not an ordinary day. We need witnesses so we invited some members of the church to be present today. Sammy, tell us. Is your fiancée  pregnant?” 

I got dizzy. My heart started beating abnormally. I leaned on the wall beside me while looking at Sammy explain himself. He paused for a while. He looked at me and I looked at him. I said in my head, “Dear, tell them the truth and let’s move on with it.” He said, “Yes, she is but we found out only a week ago.” The pastor asked, “So when were you going to tell us about this development? He answered, “Honestly I don’t know.” They turned to me and asked the same question. I answered, “The whole thing took us by surprise. We are yet to process the implication of everything that’s why we haven’t said anything about it.”

The pastor’s wife took over; “We’ve all been like you before so pregnancy is not something you can hide from us. I can see a week’s old pregnancy. My husband here can also see the same thing. Maybe you thought of hiding it but in the presence of God, nothing can stay hidden.” I started crying. Sammy sat there like a statue not knowing what to say. We were only three weeks away from our wedding. The pastor dropped the verdict; “For this reason, we can’t go one with the wedding. You can marry traditionally and maybe come again after the child is born. You lied to the church and that’s not acceptable.”

I broke down in his arms and cried while walking back home. When we got to a place and found a short wall we could sit on, we sat on it and I cried all the tears I had left in me. Sammy was quiet. So quiet that I got worried. I asked him, “So what next?” He said, “We’ll marry traditionally and go to court later. There’s no need to be worried about this. It even helps us to cut down the cost of everything. Let’s see the positives. Let’s see the rainbow and be assured that there will never be another flood in our lives.” I got home and continued crying. I thought of the gown I wasn’t going to wear. I thought of the wedding pictures I wasn’t going to have. The friends I wasn’t going to see on my wedding day. I started missing the wedding reception I wasn’t going to have but what would a sister do? I could only move on. 

We had our traditional wedding and went to the court later to sign the marriage documents. The following Sunday, we went to church and the same pastor prayed over our marriage. Wedding or no wedding, we got married.

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After church one Sunday, one of the junior pastors who was there when the main pastor gave the verdict called me and said, “My sister pray. You should be very prayerful because the revelations I’m receiving about you are not good. Do you have any problem with your elder sister?” I said, “No I don’t. We are very fine.” He said, “You’re fine with her but she’s not fine with you. She’s working against your marriage.” I took it as just one of those things so I casually responded, “I will pray about it, pastor. I won’t relent in prayers.” He said, “Let me tell you one other thing you may not know. She’s the one who told the pastor that you’re pregnant. She met the pastor and his wife, sat them down, and told them you’re hiding behind a pregnancy to get married.” 

That shook my core. I said, “Seriously?” He said calmly, “That’s why you need to pray. Don’t fight her. Allow God to do your battle for you.”

I went home and told my husband about it. He didn’t want to believe it. He asked me, “Did you ever tell her that you are pregnant?” I answered, “My mom knew about it so definitely she’ll tell her. She has that relationship with my mother. My mom tells her everything because she’s the eldest. How come I didn’t think about it before now?” I called my mother, “When you got to know that I was pregnant, did you tell my sister about it?” She answered, “It’s no longer important. You’re married now, living happily with your husband. Forget about who said what and think about nurturing a good marriage.” 

Right there I knew she told her. I also know she is aware that it’s my elder sister who relayed the same information to the pastor. 

She’s no longer my sister. The last fight we had, I told her she shouldn’t come close to my corpse if I die before her. I will also extend the same courtesy to her if she dies before me. If a sister could do this to her own blood then she can equally conspire with my enemies to harm me. When I confronted her she called me crazy and warned me not to allow the fact that I’m married go into my head. She drew the first blood and retaliated. We haven’t talked to each other since. My father didn’t know about all these until I told him. He only said, “She’s my daughter but I’m even scared of her now. But just try to forgive her.”

I don’t know how I can forgive her. I’ve tried to let it go but the harder I try the difficult it becomes to forgive. My dad told her to apologize to me and she told him point-blank that she has no reason to apologize to me so I can go ahead and do my worst. I didn’t even expect her apology in the first place. She never apologizes for anything. Maybe one day I can get over it but the two of us will never be closer like we used to. 

–Emelda

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