I met Kwamena on my 26th birthday. The day fell on a Tuesday and I had to go to work. My plans after work were to attend evening service and then go home and sleep. I just wanted the day to pass quietly. I happen to have some friends in the security service who didn’t agree with me. They insisted on taking me out to a party against my protests. 

That day things were very stressful at work and I closed to find my friends standing outside my office waiting to take me out. I didn’t want to go with them but I was too tired to put up a fight. We got to the place they picked out and I realized they had invited some people I didn’t know. That was when I met Kwamena. We were introduced to each other and we started talking from there. At the end of the night, he asked for my number and we started talking. He was really sweet and he went out of his way to do things for me. We talked whenever I was closed from work and we shared intimate details about our lives with each other. 

We were friends but the feeling brewing between us was not friendship feelings. It didn’t take long for Kwamena to give voice to his feelings; “I have enjoyed getting to know you these past few months and I’ve fallen in love with you. I want us to build a relationship beyond friendship, in hopes of getting married someday.” That’s how he proposed. I had feelings for him too so I accepted his proposal. 

I always closed late from work but I made time to pass by his end. Anytime I got there he would say “Your friend Gifty came to spend some time with me. You just missed her.” Gifty was my close friend, we were even like sisters. I didn’t mind that she and my boyfriend became friends. I also didn’t mind that she visited him. But when it became an everyday thing I became concerned. I asked Kwamena; “Is there anything more going on between you and Gifty? Should I be worried?” He even laughed and said, “Oh come on, it’s Gifty we are talking about here. How can you even go there?” I chided myself for being insecure. 

What even put my mind at ease was when we started planning our wedding. Our plans were not just talks, they were backed by actions. We travelled to Kumasi to meet his parents. He introduced me to them as the woman he was going to marry and they loved me. After getting his parents’ approval and support, I took him home to meet my family. My people embraced him and gave us their blessings. He took the marriage list and we started preparing towards buying the things. Everything was going on well until he became too busy all of a sudden. 

He wouldn’t call me and he wouldn’t answer my calls either. Whenever I tried to see him, he’d be conveniently unavailable. I realized he wasn’t the only one who was behaving like that. My friend Gifty was also very busy all of a sudden. I called her one day and asked, “Have you seen Kwamena lately? He is acting in some way. Have you spoken to him lately?” Responded, “No it’s been a while since I saw him. I barely have time for anything these days.” I asked her “What have you been up to that’s keeping you busy?” She started talking about a lot of random things that weren’t making sense but I didn’t point them out. I figured she would talk to me if she was ready. 

My boyfriend and my best friend did the “I’m very busy” dance with me for several weeks. I couldn’t connect the two, that’s how clueless I was. One day Kwamena came to my place and told me we needed to talk. The talk was basically about our break-up. Things were not good between us but I didn’t expect a breakup. “Why are you breaking up with me? What did I do?” I asked him. He looked at my face and said, “There was this one time that we were watching a movie. I was trying to talk to you but you screamed at me. You found me as a nuisance. You chose a movie over me. Since then I’ve been thinking a lot. It seems you love movies more than you love me so I want to remove myself from your life so you can focus on what you love.” 

I was shocked. It was the silliest thing I’d ever heard yet I apologized. I loved him and I was not ready to lose him but he said his mind was already made up.

I texted him. I spoke to his brother and his friends to plead my case but he stood his ground. I prayed to God for a change of heart. I am sure if God had come down to tell me, “Aba this man is not for you, let him go.” I would have answered, “God, it’s not true, he is the only one for me.” At that moment I felt my prayers went unanswered because Kwamena didn’t come back to me. I called him and pestered him until he came clean. 

He told me, “Unfortunately, I got Gifty pregnant and her parents said I should marry her. I don’t have a choice. She’s going to be the mother of my kid so I have to stick to her and the child.” 

I was livid. I couldn’t for the life of me fathom why something of such nature could happen right under my nose and I couldn’t smell it. I was having a cocktail of emotions but I wasn’t ready to move on. I remember going down on my knees and praying to God; “God please, I want my man back. Let Gifty get a miscarriage. Or let something happen to separate them so that Kwamena will come running back to me.” 

READ ALSO: The Way My Husband Treats Our Daughter Has Become My Prayer Topic For Ages

It was a crazy thing to ask from God but I was desperate. Desperate moments call for desperate measures, including asking God for silly favours. It felt like my whole world had ended. I stood on the sidelines as the man I thought I would marry got married to my friend. I experienced heartbreak in many folds. The day he left, my heart broke into pieces. The day they got married brought its own heartbreaks. The day their child arrived wasn’t different. I broke into pieces. If I was a magician, I would have disappeared from the surface of the earth. I was a sad girl but healing found its way with me. It was slow and painful but eventually, it went slowly through the cracks of my heart and made me whole again.

We have mutual friends who kept telling me what was happening in their lives. They were even more invested in them than me so every little thing they noticed, they ran to come and tell me. They told me everything including the birth of their child. Their lives didn’t bother me. I was bent on moving on from the hurt they made me go through.

 It’s been six years now and I still hear tales about Kwamena and Gifty. I hear about their fights and their problems. I hear about the anguish they are both experiencing in their marriage from our loose-lipped mutual friends. Some of my friends believe it’s Karma visiting them because of what they did to me. “They thought they could be happy after what they did to you?” They asked. I am not happy that they are suffering. I am rather thankful that God saved me from a fate like that.

I married a good man who loves and adores me. I am eating a cake of marital bliss with icing of peace and true harmony. I am so thankful to God and feel embarrassed anytime I remember that prayer request I made when I was desperate. I now understand that God knows what our human minds cannot understand. I have learned not to question certain things when they happen and just trust that he is in control. 

–Aba

Do you have any relationship experience to share? Email it to [email protected]

NOTE: NO PART OF THIS CONTENT CAN BE REPUBLISHED OR REPRODUCED IN ANY FORM WITHOUT THE EXPLICIT CONSENT OF THE EDITORS OF THIS BLOG.

#SB