I grew up with my aunt because both my parents are no more. My dad died before I was born and my mom passed away when I was three years old. Thankfully, my aunt took me in and raised me like one of her children. I was closest to one of her sons named Ibrahim. Ibrahim has a friend who spent a lot of time at our house. His name is Misbawu. Anytime he came to the house, he never called me by my name. He always referred to me as “My wife.” 

Ibrahim and Musbawu were in SHS while I was in primary school. So I didn’t think he meant anything by referring to me as his wife. He never made any lewd advances toward me, as some of the men who playfully referred to me as their wives had done. All he did was look out for me and tried to be there for me the best way he could. I went through JHS to SHS and he was still around, calling me his wife. I remember clearly in SHS how no one in my family visited me in school. I saw my colleagues look forward to visiting hours with excitement because it meant they got to see their families. I on the other hand just wished for it to pass quickly and quietly so I wouldn’t be reminded of what I did not have, living parents. During that period, it was Musbawu who came to my rescue like a knight in shining armour. He started visiting me and he made a habit of it. 

Whenever he visited, my friends teased me; “Your handsome knight is here again. Maybe today is the day  he will reveal his true feelings for you.” And I’d tell them, “Guys, stop that. He is my brother’s friend, that’s all. He only loves me as a brother would.” And they often laughed and told me that it was so obvious that Musbawu was smitten with me. I didn’t see whatever they claimed they were seeing so I ignored everything they said about him. Oh, before I forget, he is a very handsome guy. He is tall, fair, and toned in all the right places, but I still couldn’t see him in any romantic way. And he never confessed his feelings for me so I couldn’t tell if what my friends were saying was true or if they were just teasing me. 

He didn’t date anyone throughout his university days. I know this because whenever he and his friends gathered at my house, they all shared their experiences with girls, except him. Sometimes I overheard them ask him, “Musbawu, haven’t you met any girl you like?” His default response was, “No, I’m waiting for my wife to complete tertiary school so that I can marry her.” I heard all this but I never believed he was serious about it. What was more was how he never expressed any interest in me. I was a teenager and my body was filling out. Men looked at me lustfully and some even tried to grope me. That’s what I associated with interest. Seeing as Musbawu didn’t do any of those things, I was convinced that he only saw me as a little sister.

One sad day, my aunt’s husband got involved in a road traffic accident. He was badly injured so the family decided to move to our hometown to get access to herbal treatments. My cousin Ibrahim had also left for Nursing School in the north. Everyone was gone except me, who had to stay behind because I was in my final year at SHS. In the heat of the moment, I think they forgot that I was a minor and shouldn’t be left by myself. But Misbawu didn’t. He constantly checked up on me and made sure I was okay. He took care of me when I ran out of money. And even though I was completely alone, he never took advantage of me. Luckily, school was on vacation so I just spent time indoors and managed my resources. Eventually, my people realized that I was left with no adult supervision so they arranged for me to go live with another aunt. 

The aunt I moved in with wasn’t like the one I grew up with. This one was not motherly. She maltreated me. Things were very difficult but Musbawu was there for me. His presence in my life made the heaviness easier to carry. When I gained admission to Teacher Training College, none of my relatives offered to go to the school with me on my first day. It was Musbawu, my knight in shining armour who took me to school that day and even paid for some things that I needed.

I kept in touch with him throughout my stay in school and I knew for sure that he wasn’t seeing anyone. I on the other hand started dating a guy I met while I was in school. 

One day I heard Musbawu’s family’s house got burnt so I went there to sympathise with him. It was there that he introduced me to his parents as the woman he wants to marry. I froze in shock, but I recovered quickly and schooled my features into a calm mask. I listened as his family discussed and planned our wedding right there. I kept thinking, “So all this time he has been referring to me as his wife, he wasn’t joking?” When I got home I was very confused. I called Ibrahim and told him what happened. He said, “Yes, that’s true. Right from the moment he met you, he hasn’t shut up about wanting to marry you. He hasn’t even looked in the direction of anyone else. He is a really good guy so if you like him give him a chance.” After the conversation, I spent a lot of time thinking and finally concluded that I would consider Musbawu as a potential husband. 

I broke up with my boyfriend and set out to pour my love on my knight. I mastered courage and had a conversation with him. “Why didn’t you tell me all these years that you were interested in me? If it hadn’t been the introduction you made to your parents I wouldn’t have known.” He lifted his eyebrows in mock seriousness, “Really? You mean all the things I have been doing to prove my love to you were too insignificant for your sophisticated taste?” I laughed, and he laughed too. I had known him for more than half of my life. I didn’t need any enthusiastic declaration of love to know where we were headed. As we sat in comfortable silence, I pictured the rest of my life with him and it was peaceful and joyous. 

I remember the day I informed my family about Musbawu’s plans to marry me. It was all levels of hell. My aunt and her siblings were furious, “How can he say such a thing? People from our tribe don’t marry from his tribe? It is taboo. Doesn’t he know that?” I was surprised they were playing the tribal card. Musbau was someone who spent as much time at our house as he spent at his house. They know him very well and they know he is a good man. Why wouldn’t they make an exception for him? I tried to argue with them and insisted that he is the only man I would marry. They also stood their ground and told me that it was never going to happen. We went back and forth on the subject for one whole year. I realized they started acting indifferent toward him whenever he came around and it broke my heart. My family was like a second family to him and now they were turning against him because of me? I couldn’t have that.

I made a heartbreaking decision to move on with my life. I couldn’t tell him about my family’s rejection because I knew it would break his heart. Instead, I convinced myself that he hadn’t officially proposed to me so I didn’t owe him any explanations. I just carried on with my life and met someone else. I didn’t love him as much as I did Musbawu but my family approved of him so I agreed to marry him. Musbawu found out about this other guy when he saw my wedding invite. He called me immediately, “Is it true that you are marrying someone else?” I felt the devastation in his voice and I couldn’t speak. This time the silence between us felt like little knives stabbing my heart. When he hung up I fell apart. At that moment I told myself, “It is for the best. It is better he hates me instead of knowing the truth and hating my family.” 

He stopped calling and I also stopped calling him but I never forgot about him and he never forgot about me too. Ibrahim says he always asks about me. He says, “He asks if your husband treats you well. He prays for you. He wants you to be happy. That’s how much he loves you.” 

Four years into my marriage, I gathered courage and spoke to him. He hasn’t moved on. And he doesn’t hate me for getting married without giving him any explanation. He still cares about me, and he wishes me well. But the truth is, I’m not happy. How can he continue to wish for my happiness after the way I broke his heart? I want him to settle down with a good woman and have the happiness he deserves. As for me, happiness is far from me. I married a cheat who has cheated on me with three different women already. I guess this is the punishment I get for hurting a man who loved and respected me since childhood. I hope he gets to read this. I want him to know that I couldn’t marry him, not because I didn’t love and care about him but because I didn’t want him to go through any disrespect and malice from my family. I know he’s a good man. And I pray he finds his soul mate soon.

—Precious

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