I met my current girlfriend in March 2014. I was in my final year in SHS while she was in JHS 1. Fast forward, my girlfriend got pregnant when she was in JHS 2, and I was the one responsible for it. During that time, my distant cousin from my mother’s side of the family came to see me out of the blue. She told me, “I want to help you with the baby after she is born. I will take her in and take care of her as my own so that your girlfriend will get the opportunity to complete her education.” I thought it was a good idea, and when I discussed it with my girlfriend, she thought so too. So we both agreed to the plan and arrangements were made. 

We had a beautiful baby girl who stole our hearts the instant we saw her. We loved her so much that the thought of parting with her saddened us. However, we knew that it was for the greater good so we stuck to the plan. When she was three months old my older siblings supported us to have a naming ceremony for her. And my cousin who promised to take care of the baby didn’t show up for the ceremony. But she showed up three days later to collect the baby. We said our tearful goodbyes and let our daughter go. 

Two months later, one of my cousins told me that another naming ceremony was organized for my daughter. I didn’t understand why but I thought, “Maybe Grace didn’t like the first name we gave the baby so she organized another ceremony to rename her.” We didn’t ask her about it, because we felt it wasn’t necessary. Instead, we focused all our energies on making our lives better so we could go back for her soon enough.

I got a job after four months of searching, and my girlfriend also managed to complete her JHS education. She then enrolled in an apprenticeship for sewing. All the while, I tried to send money to my cousin to help take care of my little girl. And every time, she declined it and said; “Save the money for when she would need it in the future. For now, we are okay.” I took her advice and opened a savings account for her. So whenever I want to send them money I deposit it in the account. Despite everything we had been through, my girlfriend and I still stood side by side in love. Our lives also started shaping up, and we were hopeful that someday, we would reunite with our child and be together as a family.

However, there was one thing that caused a dent in our hope. It was Grace’s attitude whenever we tried to visit our baby. She would give us excuses upon excuses. One day she would say, “We won’t be at home on the day you want to visit. Sorry, another time.” Another day she would say, “I already made plans to host some friends so there will be too many people if you show up too.” She was helping us take care of our child, and we didn’t want to come across as ingrates, so we accepted the excuses and settled for speaking to our daughter on the phone. And we realized that she always referred to Grace as her mother, while she didn’t know that we are her birth parents. 

Fast forward, to May this year was her birthday. So my girlfriend and I bought some gifts and prepared to go and spend the day with her. But to our surprise, Grace told us, “Sorry, you can’t come and visit us. I already made plans to take her to the mall.” I wasn’t happy with the way things were going but I didn’t complain either. I was only sad that the girl I loved was missing her daughter and there was nothing I could do but comfort her and give her hope that we would see her soon. At the end of the day, I called Grace and told her, “You have to bring our daughter around if you don’t want us to visit you. Her mother misses her and I feel helpless right now.” She didn’t want to agree at first, but I put a lot of pressure on her until she agreed to bring her in two days.

 When they came I realized she had changed my daughter’s entire name, even her surname is different from mine. She was also behaving as if she didn’t want the girl to get too close to us. It was as if she was afraid that we might tell her we are her biological parents. Things felt very awkward the entire time they were around, but we were hopeful that the more we see her, the easier it will get. Two days after their visit, my elder sister called to explain the missing pieces of the puzzle to me. 

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She said, “Grace has a boyfriend who lives abroad. And the last time the man came to visit and went back coincided with the time your girlfriend got pregnant. So she lied to the man that she was pregnant for him, and then came for your child to use as proof. That’s why a second naming ceremony was organized. It was done by the man’s family, and that also explains why your child bears a different surname from yours.” After her explanation, everything clicked. The excuses she made whenever we wanted to visit, and the fact that she didn’t tell our daughter about us. But my question was, “How long was she planning to keep up the lie?” Surely, she must have known that this kind of lie requires a lifetime of commitment and more lies to sustain it.

After thinking about things carefully, I decided that didn’t want my daughter to be a pawn in whatever game Grace was playing with her “Borga” boyfriend. So I went to her house to go and take her back. But when I got there I was told that she has moved. No one in the family knows where she is currently living. Now, my girlfriend and her family heard about Grace’s lie, so they are pressuring me to go and bring our child. I have asked my elder brother to help me trace Grace and get my daughter back but he seems reluctant to help. He hasn’t said anything but through his actions, I can tell he doesn’t want us to do anything to jeopardize whatever Grace is up to. 

My girlfriend has been crying day and night ever since she found out the truth. Right now I don’t even know what to do. Should I take matters into my own hands and report her to the police? Or should I convince my girlfriend to hold on while I find a nice way to deal with this issue? However misguided her intentions are, Grace is my cousin and she has been of great help to us. I don’t want her to come out of this burned, but I also feel like if I make one wrong move, I may lose my daughter to a man I don’t even know. Please I need advice. 

—Yaw

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