We’ve been together for a year and a half. At first, it was good—so good I felt it was a dream. There was no promise he didn’t keep. If he didn’t keep it, then he didn’t promise. There were no places we didn’t go. We visited beaches at the night, had our first kiss at the beach in front of the roaring waves. After, he said, ”So the waves can be witnesses to this occasion.” It’s the romantic thing I’ve ever been involved in in my dating life. I remember telling myself, “God, if this is a dream, I don’t want to wake up.”
The work I was doing wasn’t paying much. One day he told me, “I’ll help you find a new job that befits the degree you earned in school.” He requested my CV. Three months later, he sent me a link to a job and told me to apply. I did. A week later, I was called for an interview. A week later, I was called that I’d been offered the job. I screamed for joy. I asked him, “How did you do it?” He said, “The HR is my schoolmate. I spoke to her and she gave me the link. I knew she was going to pick you.”
After work each day, he would call and ask me to wait for him. “I would ask, “What for?” He would say, “I’m taking you home so you don’t struggle for a car.” I asked myself, “How long is he going to do that?” Three months later he was still doing it. I kept asking the same question until eight months later, I stopped wondering and instead believed that he was a rare breed of a guy who loved me to the bone. From his workplace to mine wasn’t a small journey but he drove from there every evening after work to come and take me home. We would sometimes branch to an eatery, have our supper, make jokes and drive home.
If you saw me staring into an empty sky absent-minded, then I was thinking of what I did right to deserve that kind of love. Love that had no misery attached to it. Love that was love and came with no hurting package. Love that made one wonder if everything was a dream. Because of him, I know how it feels like to be loved right.
Along the line, his position at work got changed and he was transferred to another branch. It became very difficult for us to meet as often as we used to. I would only see him on some weekends but that was alright. I understood that changes happen and it’s up to us to adapt to the changing phases of life. Since I wasn’t seeing him every day, I made sure that I enjoyed every bit of him whenever I got the chance to see him. Then his calls to me started dwindling. He said, “This new work has put me in a position that I don’t even get time for myself. I didn’t complain. I trusted him enough to know that he won’t make things up just to avoid talking to me. I was the one calling each day. I was the one texting. He wouldn’t respond to my texts immediately but that was alright. As far as he responded to it at some point of the day, I was ok.
Throughout the changing phases, I saw no need to complain because I understood that everything was happening because of the position change and because of his new location of work. It got to a point where I had no option but to ask questions, “Dear, you don’t call me anymore. When I call too, you hardly pick. Maybe you’re busy but in the night when you’re about to sleep, can’t you spare a minute to say good night to me and ask how my day was?” He said, “I’ll get home too tired to even know what time it is. By the time I realize, I would be sleeping.” I asked, “Every day?” He said, “Every day. These days I don’t plan to sleep. It’s the sleep that comes for me.”
I got worried but I was steadfast in my belief that everything would turn out for my good. But things didn’t turn out as I hoped for. One day I asked him, ”It’s been months since you went to your new place, when are you inviting me over?” He said, “Soon. As soon as I put this place in order.” That soon never came until I gave up. I started complaining about the changes. In fact, I started nagging whenever I had him on the phone. One day he said, “I think we need a break to figure everything out. All these complaints and nagging means something is wrong with us. Let’s take a break.” I was so angry the word that came to my mouth was, “Ok..enjoy your break.”
We didn’t talk for four days until he called me one day and told me, “I will be coming over this week. Can I see you?” I said, “Sure, why not?” He came over to see me and we had the best times of our lives. It felt like the first time when everything was good between us. I told him, “I miss you.” He said, “I miss you too.” I thought we were back together again. He went back to his place and things got back to default—no more calls, no more responding to my messages, a lot more complaints. When I asked him why he said, “I thought we agreed to go on a break?” I said, “Oh so we are still on break? We were on break when you came here? No problem.”
I stopped calling and he stopped calling too. He would come to WhatsApp and view my status and move on. When I post on Facebook, he will drop a like and move on. Just something for me to know he’s there. It’s been a month now since we talked properly. To him, we are still on a break but I’m here wondering all the wonderings an idle mind could wonder. “What has happened to us? Have I finally woken up from the dream I dread to wake up from? What’s the next step from here?” I don’t know anything. I texted him recently and asked, “How long is this break going to last?” It took him four days to respond. He said, “Very soon everything would be ok.”
Maybe he had moved on and doesn’t have the courage to tell me. Maybe he had found another woman where he is now. I don’t want to call or text him again asking this same silly question over and over again so I want to know, how long should I wait before I know he’s not coming back? How long should I wait before I know I’m single? How long should I wait before I move on?
–Esther
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