I knew he was married when he proposed to me. I was in a place where I needed his help so I figured, “Why not? If I have what he wants and he has what I want, why don’t we do a batter trade?” So I went into the relationship with my head and not my heart. To me, it wasn’t a relationship. It was rather a transaction where both of us get equal wins. First, he said he didn’t like where I lived because it was closer to his house. He got me a nice apartment and paid for it. I was on cloud nine when I finally moved in and realized he had paid for three years’ rent. He told me, “This is your place but it equally belongs to me. I can come here anytime I want and expect to be comfortable. Don’t bring your boyfriend here, else we’ll have problems.”

I didn’t have a boyfriend so his warning didn’t really bother me. If I needed something and I told him, he rushed and got it for me as if it was a command. Whenever he came around, I did everything to make him happy. He didn’t sleep over so the little hours he spent with me, I made it worth his while. One evening, he was with me when his wife called. I knew it was his wife because I picked up the phone and handed it over to him. Soon he was shouting on the phone. I could hear the loud voice of his wife on the other side of the phone. For several minutes, these couple exchanged angry words until he cut the call.

He turned to me and said, “You see the kind of problem I’m living with in the house? I don’t have peace in that house ooo. As early as 5am when she wakes up, she starts giving me problems. Why are wives like that? They’ll torment you until you die so they inherit your properties. Witches!” He was very angry but I was laughing at him. He said, “Don’t laugh. It’s a serious issue here.” I asked what the problem was and he narrated the issue to me. 

It was about their eldest son. He had impregnated a woman and the wife thought they should have a grandchild. That evening, I sat him down and lectured him about the ways of women. I said, “You men think we always want to be right but that’s not the case. We always want to be heard. Take your time with her. Listen to her keenly and allow her to make her point. After that, tell her you understand her but this and that are the reasons why you think you should do it differently. Don’t be angry. Make her feel heard and she’ll allow you to have your way.”

He told me he didn’t have that time to be listening to her nonsense but I guess he saw the sense in what I said and tried it. Days later, he came telling me how my advice worked like magic. He was like, “I wish my wife has the kind of sense you have. Like we’ll never have a fight in that house.”  I told him, “She has sense that’s why you married her. You’re too smart to marry a fool, don’t lie to yourself. You’ve grown together and found reason to grow apart. Work things out in a loving way and you guys would be good.” 

He accused me of taking his wife’s side anytime there were issues just because I’m a woman. But that wasn’t the case. I realized that whenever he fought with his wife, things didn’t go well for me too. I could ask for something and because he would be in a bad mood, he won’t get it for me. He would fight in his house and run to me for cover and peace of mind. He came to be pampered but his mind would be all over the place. I didn’t like that. I realized the only way to get what I wanted from him was to ensure he had a happy home. 

One evening he called me. He said, “Talk to her. I don’t know why she has to fight me on this. Tell her something.” Before I could say jack, his wife was on the phone talking to me. She asked who I was and I told her. She said, “My husband tells me you’re a professional counsellor, is that right?” I stuttered. I said, “Yes, but I’m not practising it at the moment.” She said, “Since he told me he had been seeing you, things are becoming better around here. I would like to meet you too. I have concerns that need addressing. We’ll come and see you one of these days.” 

After the conversation, I was shaking. When I talked to him again I asked why he did that and he told me, “That woman needs help and I think you can help her. Don’t be afraid. She doesn’t bite.” I met both of them in his office one afternoon. I didn’t want to do anything to give anything away so I sat there and listened to them. 

His wife took charge and spoke for hours. I was listening. She felt her husband was seeing another woman and she wanted him to be truthful. I was shaking. The man said, “You’re the only woman in my life. Even when I was a boy, I didn’t cheat on you so why now?” The woman’s eye sparkled. She started acting girlish. She really believed him and that saddens my heart. In the end, I didn’t have to say much. She said, “Thank you for listening to our problems. I hope we see you often.”

So the man would be in my bed and the woman would be calling me to make a complaint. “He’s not home. He’s not picking up my calls. Do you think he’s alright? What does it mean when a man does that to his wife?” Guilt will flash over my heart and I would go numb. I will tell him, “Go home now. Be apologetic. Your wife loves you, just be kind.” He told me, “Don’t be swoon by her fake innocence ooo. That woman is a dragon.”

When he left, I thought about the whole thing and thought about an escape plan. I didn’t want it to continue but my life and the happiness in it came from this man. Even the place I was living was for him. How would I cut him off?”

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One weekend he was with me. I asked him, “Do you really love your wife? If you do, work on your marriage because she’s a good woman.” He asked me, “Are you pushing me away?” I answered, “No, you’re all I have. How can I push you away?” He asked, “Swear that you haven’t cheated on me since we met.” I answered, “I haven’t but there’s a man coming into life. I want to give him a chance.” He asked, “Do you love him?” I answered, “Unfortunately, yes. And I want him here, if only you will allow it.”

After that conversation, anytime he wanted to visit, he would ask me, “Is he coming around today?” When I didn’t want to see him, I said yes. Slowly, he got the message and started coming to me less and less. That notwithstanding, whatever I asked from him, he provided. His wife also became a good friend who invited me to her office and even got me something on my birthday. As I write this, I no longer see him. I’m doing something sustainable so I don’t overly rely on him. I only call when I need help in what I’m doing and he’s always there to provide. What’s left is to find a way to cut his wife off. She brings a lot of guilt to me and I can’t continue to entertain her. 

— Ivy

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