She got angry after she saw the chats. She said it was cheating, but I didn’t think it was. I was not touching any of the women. I loved her too much to desire another woman. All I did was chat with my female friends and other women I came across. “When did chatting become cheating?” I asked. She yelled, “It’s not about the chats. It is about what you say in the chats. You are flirting with them. And flirting is cheating.” “Women! They consider everything cheating these days.” I thought exasperatedly as I defended myself and my actions instead of listening to her and taking into account how my actions were hurting her.
This argument happened before we got married. I truly believed my conversations with the women on my phone were harmless. All I did was compliment them when they posted photos on their WhatsApp status. When I explained this to Adjoa she said, “You told one of the girls that her butt looked big in the dress she was wearing. You told another one that her skirt complements her long legs. You told another her lips were yummy. Tell me, if a man says those things to me, would you say they are mere compliments?” I shook my head to say no but I still didn’t think it was a big deal.
I continued chatting with my female friends and complimenting their bodies. It was something I merely did for fun and I stood by my decision that I was not harming anyone. When Adjoa found out I was still doing it. She got angry and threatened to leave. That was when I realized the gravity of the problem. To me, it was just fun but to her, it was more. I didn’t want to lose her over something as trivial as this so I quickly apologized. “I am sorry. You are absolutely right. What I am doing with those women is cheating and I will not repeat it again.” Thankfully, she forgave me and we got married later.
I changed from my ways before we got married. However, I found myself slipping back into the same old habit after marriage. I had no feelings for the women. And I definitely did not intend to sleep with any of them. I just complimented their bodies and occasionally teased them. That’s just the kind of person I am. I like to compliment people and tease them. There is usually no hidden agenda behind it.
My wife saw my chats but this time around she did not complain. I guess she decided to look the other way so I would have my fun. There were also chats between me and my male friends about marriage and marital problems. My friends and I discuss these topics just for guys’ talk. And whenever we chatted, I would use my marriage as an example. I talked about the things going on in my marriage. Some of them were very intimate. Some were also things about my wife’s past she only shared with me. I did not mean any malice when I shared these sensitive issues with my friends. We were just having guys’ talk.
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Unfortunately for me, my wife saw some of my chats with my friends and got mad. “How can you discuss sensitive issues like this with your friends? You even told them about my past. What is wrong with you?” She said a lot of things to me out of anger and I know deserved every bit of it. I didn’t know it was going to hurt her if she found out I was talking about our marriage. If I knew I wouldn’t have said anything in the first place.
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I have behaved immaturely and it has cost the woman I love emotional pain. I realized that I have been unappreciative of all her efforts, and inconsiderate of her feelings. I have also realized I refused to let her heal from her past by sharing it with my friends. I deeply regret my actions but the harm has already been done. I have pleaded for her forgiveness. I have asked for another chance to prove my maturity and improve myself for the betterment of our marriage.
She has forgiven me but that bad energy that resulted from my behavior is still present in our home. I have prayed to God to forgive me and I pray my sweet and lovely goddess sees this post somewhere and knows that I have truly repented and changed from my immature ways. Should I repeat such actions in the future, she has the right to divorce me without accepting any of my apologies. This is how sorry I am and determined to do right by her. I know she doesn’t trust me anymore but I pray that someday our marriage will heal from this.
–Nana
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#SB
What you did was not right and it was disrespectful but what matters is that you have realised it. Keep working on yourself, do so without expecting her to see it so that you won’t go to own ways cause when you do so expecting her to notice she won’t but do it without an expectation cause that’s when she will notice it. REMEMBER CHANGE COMES GRADUALLY.