After we got married, I pulled some strings for him to be transferred to Accra so we could enjoy being together as a new couple. A few weeks after he moved in with me, I fell sick. I didn’t go to work for an entire week. My husband saw me lying in bed, and barely moving around but he acted as if he couldn’t see me. He did not even ask me, “What’s wrong with you?” Or “How are you doing?”

In the middle of the night, the illness intensified and I was unable to sleep a wink. My husband would carry a pillow to the hall to sleep. After I got better I asked him, “Why didn’t you care for me when I was sick? You were here but it was as if I was all alone.” He answered, “What did you expect me to do? I am not a doctor, and I don’t have money to take you to the hospital to see one.” I considered his answer rude but women are supposed to be submissive wives so I kept quiet, lest I make him angry.

A few weeks after that incident, we were having a conversation when I asked him if he had made any investments. His answer was no. That day I advised him, “Babe you need an investment. You have a child with your baby mama that you are taking care of. Let’s not forget about your responsibility to your family and me. You must have some form of investment to fall on in times of difficulty. No matter how small it is, start something.” I concluded by telling him that these days many guys don’t want to learn anything about investments, and that’s why we don’t get money to fix emergent issues.

The minute I ended my sentence, my husband walked out on me. I don’t know if it was because of the investment or the comparison I made. He did not speak to me for two weeks. I didn’t know what exactly it was that I did wrong so I also stayed out of his way. At first, I thought he would let go of his grudge within three days but I learned the hard way that he is not one to let go of grudges easily.

In the second week of his cold shoulder, I approached him and asked if I did anything to offend him. He refused to talk so we just continued with the marriage as if all was well.

Another thing that bothered me about him was his lack of concern for anything related to our marriage. Nothing about the home concerned him either. Everything we needed at home; toiletries, food, water, and electricity, I paid for them with my money. There was this monthly money we paid at our place, he would call me to come and pay whenever they came knocking on our door.

As the days went by, it dawned on me that my marriage was nothing like I had hoped for. Nevertheless, I had faith that the dust would settle and we would come to enjoy our union. So I held on to him. Things were a bit normal until one day I complained that groceries were expensive. Unfortunately for me, he had given me GHC500 a few weeks earlier. So when I asked him for money again, he got angry and insulted me very well. “If you were a wise woman, you would have managed GHC500 a month for groceries,” he said.

He was frugal with his money but when I used my money to buy groceries, he would misuse them.

One time, my uncle who lived abroad sent us some money to rent a room. There was a little money left after we took out the rent money. We didn’t have a TV so I added some money to the extra money and bought a TV. He could have bought it but he preferred to spend his money on other women.

When he came home and found out that I had used the extra money, he nearly killed me. I am not exaggerating. He strangled me and choked me till my eyes almost popped out. After that, I decided to move away from him for a little while.

He apologized after two weeks and I reluctantly agreed to forgive him. Before I went back I told him, “Physical abuse is a deal breaker for me, so this is your last chance. If you do it again, I am gone.” He agreed to my terms and our marriage got back on track.

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Along the line, I found out that another woman was carrying his child. I asked him about it and he told me, “You have no right to ask me about any pregnancy.” I just responded okay and left him alone.

A few days later, I asked him about an amount of money he owed me and he told me he would kill me if I dared ask him for that money again. I reported him to the police and I was told things would only get worse if I continued in the marriage. So I left the case and packed out of the house.

Did Marriages Last Longer In The Past?

We got married in December 2022, and I returned his drinks to his family in September 2023. I know he will not change so I have no intention of going back to him. Now I want to initiate the court divorce but they said the marriage is not two years old. I feel stuck. I want to be completely free of him. That’s why I am here.

I know people have written to you and gotten divorced three months after marriage. I need that kind of help. I want to conclude everything and have my peace of mind because it is clear there is no marriage at all. I’m not completely blameless or perfect but I tried to work it out using our families but he later told me that people are going through worse than I’m experiencing but are still married so I shouldn’t expect any change from him. This is why I need my freedom. How can I divorce him legally even though our marriage is not yet two years old?

—Bernadine

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