At the time I was dating him, he had nothing. I didn’t mind. After all, it was his heart I wanted, not his wallet. I stood by him through thick and thin, constantly assuring him that everything would be fine. He was a good man, I was so sure of it. The kind of man I wanted to marry and raise kids with. So when he asked me to marry him, I didn’t hesitate. I didn’t look at his financial situation and turn him away.

A year into the relationship we were married. We couldn’t afford anything grand or stylish. Just a simple wedding ceremony that carried out all the formalities. All that mattered was that we were pronounced husband and wife at the end of the day. Our honeymoon was equally a simple one. I remember telling him during that period that our lives would change for the better. “My dear, God will open a new door for us through this marriage. I have faith that our breakthrough is just around the corner.” This was what I said to encourage him.

Within the first year of our marriage, we welcomed our beautiful son. That very year, he got a job in Tema. It was a better job than the one he had. This one came with benefits. It also required that he go to school for two years before he qualifies to earn a salary. The sacrifice was worth the benefits. For this reason, he quit his old job and joined this new company.

While he was in school, my family and I supported him with money. I am a nurse so I had a steady income. That really helped our situation at that time. For two years, my family and I took care of this man as though he was our child. Then he completed the school in 2017. That was when I started seeing my husband in different shades and hues.

The plan was for me to go back to school after my husband was done with his. I applied for study leave and got it. This meant I had to depend on my savings and my husband’s support to get through school. Could you believe this man chose this time to abandon me? He was on his company’s payroll yet every time I asked him for money he would tell me, “I don’t have money.”

Without his money, it meant our household had no income. Our son was living with my mum while I went to school but I was still the one providing for the boy’s needs. My husband refused to bring money for even our child. On a few occasions, I visited him at his workstation. This man saw me and showed visible anger. “What are you doing here?” He asked me once. On another occasion, he told me, “You didn’t tell me before coming so you have to go back.” I thought he was joking until I found myself out the door. He has sacked me more than once for showing up uninvited.

I cried every day when I thought about how good we were as a couple when he had no money. The moment money came into the picture, our marriage started to crumble. One dawn I called him and asked, “Be honest with me and tell me why you’ve changed so much. Why is our marriage now a bitter taste in my mouth?” He couldn’t tell me anything other than, “I have just been stressed at work, that’s why.”

I wanted to believe it was truly due to stress but the signs were too clear. There is a lady who lives in the same house with him as a co-tenant. It got to a time when this lady would laugh at me every time I visited. Once, I was even sure she spat at me. She was close to my husband so I reported her to him. He just told me to stop looking at her when I come around.

To further solidify my suspicions, my husband warned me not to visit him until he calls me to come. I waited for this man to call me but for six months he declined all my requests to visit him. He wouldn’t visit me either. I lived in a rented apartment for two years before I went back to school. The entire time I was there my husband didn’t visit me once. His excuse was that he didn’t have time.

After going for six months without seeing him, I decided to show up unannounced. I got there and went to his workplace for his room key. He wouldn’t give me a spare key so I always had to go to him for a key whenever I was in town. He frowned when he saw me. I didn’t mind. I just took the key and walked toward the house. It’s a thirty-minute walk from the workplace.

When I got to the room, I realized someone had just finished preparing soup and stew. The burner was even hot. His fridge was also stocked with soups and stews. All I said in my head was, “God will reveal the truth today.” When he returned from work, I prepared banku and served him with the soup. After he finished eating I asked who prepared the soup while he was at work. You should have been there to witness the way this man insulted me. It was awful.

He left the house and told me I could go back if I liked. I even noticed he bought a new car. The entire time I was on campus suffering because he didn’t have money, it turned out he was saving to buy a car. Why would a father turn his back against his own son?

The co-tenant who spat at me in the past saw me and fell on her knees at my feet. She said she was sorry about the way she treated me when she was dating my husband. She thought I was a bad wife but she came to learn that my husband was a bad person. She said my husband slept with her friend while she was out of town. That was when she knew that she was no different from me. “Please, forgive me,” she begged. I told her God would forgive her.

Throughout my stay there, my husband didn’t talk to me. He said it was because he didn’t call me before I came. I reported the case to his family but they were too afraid to reproach him. “If we talk right now, he will stop feeding us.” That was his father’s response. because they always complain that he doesn’t bring any money home. When my parents got involved, we were asked to resolve our problems.

We started working things out in 2019 but he was worse than the previous times. I would go and meet him having an affair with different women but he would show no remorse. The one time I confronted him he told me I wasn’t beautiful so I should keep quiet. At the time it dawned on me that my marriage was beyond saving, it was 2021. We had been married for seven years at this point. Regardless, I walked away without looking back for even a minute.

Ever since my marriage ended, I have lost confidence in myself. Somehow I have convinced myself that any man who comes into my life will treat me poorly. I have been in my shell all these years. My ex-husband remarried last year but I am still here, unable to move on with my life. I wish a perfect man would just glide into my life and make me believe in love and marriage again.

—Dicta

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