How Do You Survive A Man Who Always Tells You What To Do?

I woke up one day and decided that I did not want to live anymore. The days preceding that day were very dark for me. I was an emotional wreck. The people in my life even got tired of me. They just couldn’t have me sprinkle my depression all over their happiness so they did well to avoid me. I felt like a burden everyone would be glad to get rid of. That feeling was what woke me up one day and said, “Let’s do it. Let’s end everything and get out of life.” I thought that was a good idea until a stranger smiled at me that day.

It’s interesting what something as simple as a smile can do to change the course of someone’s life. When this beautiful stranger smiled at me I saw light. He might as well have a halo. Everything about him reminded me of the beauty of life and living. I felt I would be leaving behind unfinished business if I didn’t allow myself to know him. So I tossed my unliving plans in the bin that day and had a profound conversation with this beautiful man.

His name is Robert. I had a strong feeling that our paths crossed for a reason. He brought his light into my life and slowly brought me out of my dark place by just being there for me. He listened to me whenever I needed to talk about my issues and his shoulders were my tissues whenever I needed to cry. He unknowingly gave me the strength to overcome my depression.

Robert and I easily fell in love and started dating in no time. Our relationship is like typical roses. There are beautiful moments like the rose petals and there are also challenges like thorns on a rose stem. But at the end of the day, he is the best thing that has happened to me in a while. If I was having a difficult time at midnight and I called him, he would drop everything and show up at my doorstep in a heartbeat. If it was physically impossible for him to be present for me, he would talk me through whatever I was experiencing. He also tells me I am the one person who comes through for him whenever he needs me.

We have been going at it for three years now, but lately, I have noticed some changes in his countenance that have got me concerned. There is this distance between us that keeps growing no matter how hard I keep trying to bridge it. When it first started, I jumped to the conclusion that there was another woman in his life. So I did a thorough search of his phone but I did not find any evidence that there is someone else in his life. He even makes me read out his messages when he is busy and asks me to reply to them. That rules out cheating in my books.

“You seem different these days. Are you no longer interested in me?” I asked him once. He assured me, “What will I do if I didn’t have you? I love you and I like how we are building a life together. Don’t let the voices in your head lie to you.” While I was convinced that we were facing problems in our relationship, I am definitely encountering financial challenges. It all started when a business I was running started performing poorly. All my efforts to make it work only ended up taking a toll on my health. So I collapsed it and started hunting for a job.

I applied for jobs everywhere there was a vacancy and eventually got one that was in the town Robert lived. I moved to the town and lived with him with the intention to save money from my salary and rent my own place. I had no intention of living long-term with a man I was not married to. Unfortunately for me, the job turned out to be a huge exploitation so I quit and continued searching while living with Robert.

When I first moved in, things were peaceful but these days we have been having little fights here and there. Most of our fights have to do with the clash of our different backgrounds. He does certain things differently from how I do my things, and he cannot seem to accept that it is okay. He sees the way I go about my stuff as the wrong way while his way is the right way. I like to leave out plates to dry after washing them, while he prefers to wipe them dry. So we fight about it. When I am cooking and he is around, he would try to direct how I cook, “Don’t add garlic to the food” “Add crayfish” “Lower the heat”. You would think I cannot cook a decent meal without his help. Meanwhile, he has never complained about my cooking. He always enjoys my meals so I don’t know what his problem is.

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He tells me how to clean the floor, how to separate clothes when I am doing laundry, and how to organize the place. I am someone who takes pride in my cooking and organization skills so you can imagine how his persistent complaints bother me. When I do things my own way in his absence, he appreciates the results he comes to meet it. However, when he is around he makes me feel like I don’t know what I am doing.

Sometimes I tell him, “Please reduce the number of things you complain about. It hurts my feelings when I am putting effort into something and you talk bad about it.” Nobody is perfect but he makes me feel he is perfection and expects perfection from me as well, and that hurts me. There have been things he hasn’t done well that I have kept quiet about. There are some I tell him, but there are some I just quietly correct. For example, these past few days I noticed he doesn’t flush the toilet when he uses it. I haven’t complained about it. I just quietly flush it and move on with my day. If the tables had turned, I would never hear the end of it.

Recently, I accidentally took his medication instead of mine. I was feeling dizzy and couldn’t tell the packages apart. When he found out he shouted at me and it hurt me so much that I cried. For the sake of peace, I put my anger aside and tried to have a calm conversation about it. I told him how he hurt me with his words. Robert didn’t even respond to me, let alone apologize for his behaviour.

Usually, I am the one who apologizes in these situations but this time around I want him to apologize. But he doesn’t want to do it. We are talking as if everything is fine but deep down I am still hurt by what he did. Because of this, I have been withholding sex from him. I can see that it is frustrating him but my mind is made up. Until he apologizes for how he hurts me with his constant criticisms, we will live without shuperu.

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His brother told me Robert is having money problems. His business is not doing as well as it used. His brother said that is why he is hard to please these days. It seems everything annoys him. So now I am wondering if I have been overthinking this whole thing. I need to hear your thoughts on this issue.