Everything started from that picnic. That was where I found him and that was where our friendship began. Not too long afterward, he made it very clear that he liked me, and not too long afterward, that love he had for me led us into a full blossom relationship. I loved him and from all indications, he loved me too. But he had some issues he needed help with so as a caring girlfriend, I was always there to offer him the kind of help he needed. It started from his rent. Rent was due and he was finding it very hard to pay. We all at some point in life face some issues beyond our control. That year, things were not going well for him, and as a result, had no money to pay his rent. He was honest about it. He told me, “Dear could you help?” I didn’t know how I was going to raise that amount, so I told him, “Just give me some time and let’s see what I can come up with.”

The only option for me was to ask for a salary advance from my place of work. When they gave me the money, I went straight to him from work and deliver everything to him. Rent issue solved. My boyfriend got his happiness back and I had the chance to share in that happiness. I trusted him. I trusted his potential. I knew that with a little bit of push, he would be able to turn his life around. So, I was there for him, each and every step of the way.

Dating is a period of learning, we both knew. So I didn’t waste much time in bringing up what I learned about him that I didn’t like. The first thing was the period of time he spent on social media. I didn’t find it healthy. He was always on social media saying one thing or another. I brought his attention to it; “Darling, can you please tone it down a little? You can’t spend all your day on social media when you have a girlfriend to attend to.” At first, he didn’t take it lightly. He felt criticized. It turned into a misunderstanding. We fought about it but in the end, we put it behind us and surged forward.

Another thing we fought about was how he was protective about his phones and other gadgets. No one got closer to his phone. The locks on his gadgets were tighter than the locks of a prison cell. He wouldn’t let me touch his phone, not for any reason. That didn’t sit well with me. We talked about it; “Darling, you give me the impression that you have something to hide. The way you protect your phone from me gives me chills.” That also didn’t go well. We argued about it. He didn’t understand me and I didn’t understand why he didn’t understand me. But as I said, we learn during dating so we were both learning. We got to know each other’s weaknesses and strengths. We had issues but we survived.

At some point, we felt ready to take our love to the next level. We discussed marriage. We both agreed that was the next thing to do. We started preparing for our wedding. One day we started our counseling sessions. I felt I had to bring the problems we faced during our relationship to bare so I told our counselor some of the things he did that I didn’t understand. I told him about the times he spent on social media. I told our counselor about how protective he was about his gadget. All my worries were brought to bear during our counseling sessions. Our counselor addressed these issues to my satisfaction and I thought we had overcome them.

We had a beautiful wedding not long afterward. A month after our wedding, we both seated in the hall one night, going through our wedding photos on his laptop. He said he was sleepy so he left me in the hall and went to sleep. I was still going through the photos admiring how beautiful I looked on that day. Then the little voice in my head said, “Go to his Messenger. Go there and see what’s happening.” I ignored it at first but this voice got louder so I went into his inbox on his laptop. He was already logged in. The rest was easier from there. I took my time and read all the messages one after the other

And then my heart started beating faster. Some of the messages started giving me chills. Others sent shock waves through my spin. I wanted to scream but my mouth wouldn’t open; “What!!! This guy had been cheating on me all this while? I thought I’d found an angel so what happened?” Every line of what was going on in his DM smelled of emotional abuse and cheating. The last one was in August, few weeks before our wedding. While we were busy having counseling, he was busy wooing other women on social media.

READ ALSO: Why You Don’t Have to Allow Someone’s Love Story To Scare You

I was deeply hurt and affected in a way I never thought possible. I couldn’t help but cry. I went inside there to confront him. The details were too chilling to ignore. He apologized but I felt cheated on. I thought of ending everything so we go away. That’s how deep the hurt went. But I calmed down a little so I could have a clear thought to deal with what was going on. I was going through hell but I was determined to take it a day at a time. I lost every trust I had for him but I believed time could mend whatever was broken.

Weeks passed. Months passed. A part of me that loved him that much died completely. I confided in our marriage counselor who allowed me to vent and cry all the pains out. That day, I felt a little bit relieved.

As I send this, my husband knows I have no trust in him. He is doing his bit as a husband but it’s hard to trust him as I did two years ago when we were dating. After that night, he gave me his password to his phone. I saw what he was trying to do—trying to get me to calm down and trust him. But it wasn’t easy. Sometimes when he was asleep, I would pick up his phone and snoop, and anytime I did, I found something to be upset about.

We had a misunderstanding recently and he told me; “I’ve changed my passwords and nothing would make me give it to you again.”  Honestly, I’m not bothered. I’ve seen enough to care about what he does on his phone. I’d actually vowed not to touch his phone again even before he changed his passwords. I feel someone who had broken the trust of his wife should do more than my husband is doing but he’s not willing and I’ve come to be indifferent about the whole thing. Our marriage is just 6 months old. He’s a good & compassionate fellow but my trust for him is broken and what hurts me the most is how I am becoming indifferent towards him by the day. Anytime I remember what he did to me and how I found out, I become angrier. I don’t know what to do but is there a way to regain this trust that has been completely broken?

–A.B Alice

Do you have any relationship experience to share? Email it to [email protected]

NOTE: NO PART OF THIS CONTENT CAN BE REPUBLISHED OR REPRODUCED IN ANY FORM WITHOUT THE EXPLICIT CONSENT OF EDITORS OF THIS BLOG.