I’m working in the government sector. I’ve been here since 2016. I was here when I met my husband and we got married. Recently, he’s been on my case. He thinks my job doesn’t befit me and wants me to change jobs. Not only that but he wants me to do a master’s degree and go on from there so I can climb the corporate ladder to the top.
Honestly, I like it here and I like who I am. I don’t want more. I’ve always desired a simple life so my perspective in life is also narrowed. The salary isn’t much but I’m content that I eat and also able to support my husband. I’m not interested in school again because I’m always tired. I’m not ready to write exams and do research work again. Where I work, the job is safe. No pressure and I’m able to use the extra time to take care of kids and family.
But my husband wants more. He claims he doesn’t want to leave me behind but where I am currently, I don’t feel left behind. He has his master’s. He works in a private firm where the competition keeps getting bigger. When he breaks down, I’m the one he breaks on. I would nurse his wounds and massage his ego until he’s back running again. I’m content being the woman behind a successful man but he doesn’t want that. It’s been a constant fight between us.
I Told Him To Go Ahead And Do It
Where do I go from here? From a man who wants more than I want for myself. If I could I would but I don’t want to overburden myself. I’ve said it every day. He knows why I don’t want these things yet he wakes up every day telling me not to be lazy. He claims he wants to build an empire and needs me to be there and help. I’m already helping. He wants me back in the classroom and wants to see me in a new job that’s more corporate than I do. I’m OK. Why can’t he get that?
—Fafali
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Dear Madam,
Please get out of your comfort zone. just being the woman behind a successful man isn’t enough. Your husband is a very good man enough to want to see his wife rise from where she has gotten too comfortable, into a new phase of challenge. May I ask when last you were promoted at your workplace or still you don’t mind being the stale and stuck at same position kind of employee? If you would be very honest with yourself, having some of those same people you started working with, at the workplace been promoted after their upgrade? You can decide to still work at the same organization, but please upgrade. learning isn’t easy, regardless of age; yet very worthy after completing. And God bless your husband, for wanting you to upgrade yourself, educationally and career-wise. He is such a great husband.
Take home question: what if the next government decides to bring in his own people, and you end up being a part of the laid off or sacked workers? Give this some thoughts.
Thank you.
Usually, such men are driven by their own egos!!! They just want something to brag with. I know one in my network
Dear sister Fafali,first of all,say a big thanks to God for giving you such a husband who isn’t thinking of lording himself over you rather pushing you to break limits.
Some men have turned their wives into slaves and controlling them yet yours wants you improve to match his level.
All he is trying to do is to build a better stress free future and retirement for you and him where you wouldn’t depend on pension pays and peanut ssnit pays.
He knows and believes in you that’s why he is giving you the push. Things will never be the same forever,your HND/first degree will fade soon and then you will understand why he is pushing you now.
Don’t settle in your comfort zone else,your children will soon be come your boss and you will regret their control and commands.
I did HND in 2009 and couldn’t/didn’t go to school till 2021 through my wife who pushed me to go back to school and get my degree,am almost done and am glad I listened to her.
One day,you will wake up and wish you listened to him……
I support your husband. Start the school and see if he will not support you financially, logistically and emotionally to successfully complete. Besides, a well learned and ambitious wife becomes the first critic of any project your husband wills seek to deliver at both the office and home. This protects his intellectual property at the birthing stage. Plus if in future your husband becomes a national leaders, you will have knowledge and confidence to deliver in your supporting role. E.g wife of a vice president or president has to deliver speeches and be able to hold rigorous debates in public.
Learning is not an easy task. In fact, at a point in my life, I didn’t want to hear let alone have anything to do with it until a senior colleague made me change my mind, and today I don’t regret the choice I made. Trust me, it was not easy at all but thankfully, I found myself within a serious study group and it did me a world of good. Don’t let this opportunity slip through your fingers. When you finally made that difficult choice, surround yourself with people who can help to ease the burden of studying and you will sail through with ease.
Madam eeee, please wake up from your sleep. don’t be lazy. leave your comfort zone. we all want a partner who would push us for the best not just “okay”. You husband means you well. meet him halfway and strive for greatness. you can do do it and you will excel.
Dear Fafali, just know you are not alone. Some temperament types are naturally laid back and are not quick to change, that not withstanding I will ask you to view things in a new lens. The world we live in keeps evolving so there is always something new to learn. Currently there is a lot of information and knowledge to achieve so instead of probably limiting it to school, you can probably discover a new interest or passion, Have in mind this discovery is to solve a problem and develop it earnestly and trust me eventually it pays off. In short you don’t have to be like everybody but we learn from everyone, we may not always like change but we can’t stop change or development as well.figure out what you can do to develop and work on that. I’m rooting for you. Best Regards, Reg❤️
In fact, I can understand your partner. I think he just wants the best for you because he sees that you can do more and deserve better working conditions and more money. I agree with that here, I did the same with my partner. But I think it is also very important to take into account the partner’s wishes and reach some kind of compromise, otherwise conflicts are inevitable. Sometimes people even break up on this basis. I think you can make a “separation” that you don’t get into his work, and he doesn’t get into yours. It has worked for me.