I married a very beautiful woman two years ago. She is lovely too. The one thing we have in common is our high sex drive. That was what made her perfect for me. Before her, there was no one woman who could satisfy me sexually. So I had a series of affairs with multiple women. Age didn’t matter to me. As long as I found you attractive, I would lay with you. I have been with young women as well as older women. I am talking about women in their fifties. That was my life until Priscy came along.

She is a sexy woman with a libido that matched mine boot for boot. That’s why being with her felt like a match made in heaven. When I am in the mood, she is ready for me. And she is never not in the mood. We could do it anywhere and at any time. We could be at an event, then signal each other and go find a secluded place to satisfy our needs.

We were that way when we were dating. Our friends told us that marriage would make us so used to each other that we would lose our desire for each other. That didn’t happen. We would do it in the morning before going to work and in the evening after work. On days we both didn’t go to work, we did it until we were tired.

Even when she got pregnant three months after the marriage ceremony, it didn’t change anything. We continued to be hot and bothered by each other all the time. We didn’t experience a difficult pregnancy. So we did it throughout the pregnancy until the day of the delivery.

She had the baby in a private hospital. We were given the option that I could be with her in the delivery room but we didn’t agree to it. However, while she was there she experienced some complications. She sent for me then.

Immediately I entered the ward and saw how her legs were spread, with beads of sweat dripping down her body, I froze. All I could think about were our intimate moments. It was so bad to the extent that I had an erection there and then. I felt confused. How could I manage an arousal while she lay there screaming in pain?

My wife is very beautiful but that very day seemed different. She looked extremely beautiful and sexier in my eyes. My erection was so visible that I think some of the nurses saw it. Even my wife at some point in her distress accidentally touched it.

After the delivery, she hasn’t said or done anything to indicate that anything of that sort happened. I am wondering if she has just chosen not to address it or if she doesn’t remember it at all. She has carried on happily and at peace but it’s bothering me.

Now my problem is my guilt. I feel I’ve disappointed my wife. She was in extreme pain and needed her husband by her side yet all I could think of was sex. It is making me question my love for her. I ask myself, “Am I with her because she satisfies my sexual needs? Do I even love her?” These are questions I have been asking myself over and over again.

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I can’t tell if I love her for who she is because I am not even sure I know her properly. Most of the time we’ve spent together involves shuperu. Don’t get me wrong, we are not having problems in our marriage. Everything is fine with us. I am the one who is dealing with confusing thoughts and feelings. I am the one who hasn’t been able to look her in the eyes since she had the baby. I am like a child who got away with being naughty but avoids eye contact with his parents out of fear that they would see the evidence of his crime on his face.

I’m trying to act like nothing is wrong but she is beginning to suspect me. One time she asked, “What’s wrong? You don’t look at me anymore. Do I look unattractive to you after childbirth?” She was willing to work on whatever the problem was but I couldn’t say anything.

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I don’t want her to think she did anything wrong. So I have decided to tell her we should cut down on the number of times we have sex and focus on getting to know each other better. I would want us to spend some time going on dates, and having deeper conversations. You know, we can participate in one of these couple bonding activities that go beyond physical intimacy.

I believe there are grand romantic ways we can celebrate our love for each other without having shuperu. I want to explore those options. My concern is that she might not take it well. I know her. She tends to have emotional reactions to change. I don’t want her to feel like I’m losing interest in her. How do I address this without rocking the peaceful boat our marriage is sailing in?

— Mensah

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