My boyfriend and I had been friends for about nine months and in January we decided to take things to the next level. About three weeks into the relationship, I noticed that his roommate, Guy, who used to accompany him to my hostel, was checking out my roommate, Akos. I didn’t worry about it because I knew Akos was in a relationship, and her boyfriend was a really nice guy.
About two weeks later, I noticed that Akos was getting questionably close to Guy. That part concerned me so I asked her; “What’s going on between you and that guy? I thought everything was good in your relationship.” She told me, “Things are not good with my boyfriend. He has been giving me pressure for shuperu so I am leaving him.” I felt she was being hasty in her decision, “Akos, you’ve been in this relationship for five years. Is this the first time something like this has come up? Try and handle it without ending things.” She shook her head and said, “You don’t understand. I’ve put up with his pressure for five years but now I’m tired. I want my peace of mind.” As a supportive friend, I said, “If the breakup is what you want, then I support you. But I hope you are not thinking of jumping into another relationship soon after that.”
A few days after we talked, my boyfriend came to visit me with his roommate in tow. Before we could say, Jack Robinson, Guy and Akos were kissing. I nudged my boyfriend and signalled him to look at them. I had no idea what was going on until the guy texted my boyfriend, “She has agreed.” No one told me anything else but I got the message that she agreed to date him. Even though I figured it out I still expected my friend to tell me what was going on, but she never did. So I asked her myself, “What’s going between you and that guy?” She just said, “Nothing is going on. I want to break up with my boyfriend and take some time off relationships for a while.” I couldn’t believe that she was lying to me. The guy spent the night in her bed yet she insisted they were just friends.
Later, Guy created a WhatsApp group for the four of us and announced that he and Akos were dating. Some days after that, she broke up with her boyfriend on the grounds that she didn’t want to have shuperu with him. Well, all of this didn’t bother me. What got to me was the kind of looks Guy started giving me. I’d be standing in front of our mirror and he would say things like, “Eish hips” or “You get body o.” One time he even suggested that the four of us play “Truth or dare” so that he could kiss me.
Another time we were all going out as a group and I was the first to get ready so I stood in the doorway waiting for the others. I felt someone hold my waist and I assumed it was my boyfriend but I turned around to see that it was Guy. “Hey, why are you touching me?” I shouted. He apologized immediately, “Sorry, I thought you were Akos.” I didn’t believe him. So I talked to my boyfriend about his behaviour, and he promised never to leave me alone with him.
Fast forward to about two weeks into their relationship, the guys came to visit on a weekend and we were all laughing and talking. It was getting late so we turned off the lights to sleep. At some point in the night, I had to turn them on to do something. I wish I could unsee what I saw that night. Akos and Guy were doing it.
I couldn’t understand how fast they were moving. She broke up with someone because she didn’t want to give herself to him after five years together. But only two weeks into a new relationship and she had given herself Guy. As time went on, I realized that Akos was so much under this guy’s influence that she wouldn’t even go to class sometimes. The two of them would stay back in the hostel doing God knows what. This made me dislike Guy a great deal. I felt he was bad for her but there was nothing I could do about it. I just stood on the sidelines and hoped that someday, she would come to her senses and get her priorities straight.
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Until then, I knew Akos wouldn’t see reason even it looked her in the face. She is so blinded by love that she can’t see that Guy is uncouth. He is openly rude and arrogant. He constantly brags about duping his parents and spending their money. Then he goes on to claim that he is very brilliant even though he can’t construct a simple sentence in English. There were times I caught him talking to other girls in Akos’ absence. He always found ways to insult me through jokes. From the start, I thought that was his way of being funny but later I realized he was just mean. I told my boyfriend about it and he asked me to insult him back when he does it. He also promised to talk to him about it and he did but nothing changed. I also couldn’t insult him back because that’s not who I am.
One day I asked Akos, “Are you okay with the way Guy talks to me? He always insults me but you don’t say anything to him about it.” She got angry and warned me, “Leave my boyfriend’s name out of your mouth. I don’t want any trouble.” I understood her perfectly and decided to mind my business. My friendship with her became strained as her relationship progressed. She would go out without telling me. Sometimes she’d even be sick and I wouldn’t know until Guy shows up. I was very sad that someone who was like a sister to me, allowed a man to come between us. We were in the same room but there was a wide distance between us.
Just recently, my boyfriend found out that Guy had lied about being a student in our school. He wasn’t attending any of the classes and nobody knows why he inserted himself among us. Akos doesn’t know this and I believe she deserves to know. But I am afraid if I tell her she might hate me and I would lose her forever. I am also worried that if I don’t tell her and she finds out that I knew all along, she would still hate me and I’d lose her forever. I also don’t want this guy taking advantage of her naivety more than he already has. How do I protect my friend without the risk of losing her? I am very worried and confused.
—Daisy
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#SB
Hello dear. I suggest you tell her ok. If she founds out that you knew, just as you said, she’ll hate you and lose you forever. If you tell her and she hates you, it won’t be forever. Definitely she’ll find out the truth and she will come and apologise to you and the problem will be solved. Friends do not lie to each other. You tell the truth even if it hurts. That’s what shows that you’re a true friend so please tell her ok. Even if you lose her it was done out of love. If she finds out paa that you knew aa, all the blinded love will vanish from her eyes and she’ll come at you.
Daisy dear, the truth is bitter. But your fiance should have known? Ok.. better still, ask Guy a few questions…..hall, program, level…etc in the midst of all 4 of you….that should settle matters. Sorry for your friend though.