I have been dating Emos for the past four years. He is not financially stable but neither am I. That’s why I didn’t write him off when he first asked me out. After all, money is not the most important thing in a relationship. At least not to me. All I have ever wanted is someone to hold when life gets hard.

Money is not bad but it doesn’t fulfill every human need. There are intangible needs like connection, intimacy, and love, that money cannot satisfy. So when I am with someone, my focus is on how we can help each other grow. I don’t expect my man to take care of all my needs.

All my values came into play when Emos and I started dating. I work and though the money is not much, I manage to stay afloat. At the end of the month, I am able to pay my rent, and utility bills, and shop for food. As long as these three are sorted, I am okay.

When we have to do anything in the relationship that involves money, I don’t leave it for him to pay for it alone. We sit down and calculate the cost we would incur. Then I contribute my part. I do this even when we go on dates. I don’t allow him to do it all on his own just because he is the man. No, we split the bill.

Apart from splitting bills, I do my best to shower him with gifts. I would go online and look at men’s clothing, shoes, and other items. I know my man. I know his fashion style. So I browse through these online shops with his taste and preferences in mind.

At any given time I shop for him, the goal is to get him something that would make him squeal in excitement like a teenage girl. Okay, that was quite a stretch. I don’t mean I expect a grown man to scream because of a gift, but the point is, I always make sure I get him something he likes.

My problem is, that this guy has never said thank you to me, about any gift I got him. I didn’t take it seriously the first time it happened. I gave him a nice gift. Naturally, I expected him to say, “Oh, this is nice. Thank you.” He just accepted it without a word. I felt someway about it but I told myself, “Maybe that’s how he was raised. It’s not a big deal.”

Well, it’s beginning to feel like a big deal to me now. It’s been four years since we’ve been together but this guy has never said a single “Thank You” for anything I have given him over this period. One time I bought a nice pair of shoes and had them delivered to him as a parcel. He didn’t even tell me he received it. When I called to ask, “Have you received the gift I sent you?” He answered yes. I asked why he didn’t tell me and he got offended.

Recently, he had to attend his graduation. As his woman I was supposed to be by his side but I was held up at work. I tried to get away but I was not granted permission. I felt really bad about not showing up for him.

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So I told him, “Let me make it up to you. Take yourself out and have some fun, the bills are on me.” He was more than happy to accept the offer. It also made me happy that I could be there for him in someway even though I was physically absent.

I sent Emos about a quarter of my savings. I did it freely but it still didn’t feel good when I didn’t hear a word from him. He did not even send a simple text to say, “Babe, I received the money. Thank you.” Even if he didn’t want to show gratitude, he could have just said he got the money.

We Dated For Four Years Before I Discovered He Was A Married Man

I would have left it alone if he just acknowledged receipt but he didn’t so I asked why. Emos got offended and withdrew from me. He gets like this when I address this behaviour of his.

My question is, am I the problem here? Is it wrong for someone to say thank you after receiving a gift? This is a problem that worries me because of how much I sacrifice to get him stuff. All I ask for in return is a little appreciation. Or I am the one exaggerating?

— Fely

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