We are planning to walk down the aisle very soon, but something I found out has me deeply worried.

A few months ago, early in 2024, I accidentally saw a conversation on my fiancée’s phone. It was with a male friend. The tone of their messages did not sit right with me at all. To be honest, it felt flirtatious. I am a man, and I know how men think. I could see through the casual words. This was a man who clearly knew how to get a woman’s attention.

His messages were always checking in: “Have you eaten?” “What did you eat?” “Do you need help getting anything from the supermarket?” He even asked, “How is Mum?” That one really got to me. Since when is her mother his business?

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What troubled me more was how she responded. She was very warm and receptive to his attention. This did not feel like a normal, harmless friendship between a man and a woman.

I was upset and I confronted her. Her response was to dismiss it. She said, “Oh, he is just a friend.” Right there in front of me, she blocked him on her phone. She promised me she would not interact with him again. I felt a wave of relief. This woman is the love of my life. I want her to be the mother of my children. I was not willing to risk losing her to some man who sees how amazing she is. I thought the issue was over.

Then, recently, I borrowed her phone to make a call. It was a message from that same man. The very same one she had blocked and promised to avoid.

My heart sank. I looked over at her, busy with her own things, completely unaware. I opened the message. What I discovered was that she had unblocked him and they had been talking for some time. The man was still deeply flirtatious with her. He was inviting her to his house to “Netflix and chill,” which, let’s be honest, rarely just means watching movies. He called her “love” and other sweet nicknames. He wrote her little poems. There were good morning messages, good night messages, have-a-nice-day messages.

What I cannot understand is why my fiancée is not shutting this down. Why has she not told him clearly, “I am engaged to be married”? Why does she owe him any explanations? At one point in the chat, she was explaining herself to him because he was upset with her. In another message, she was asking him how long he was going to keep ignoring her.

Why would an engaged woman be so concerned about another man ignoring her?

The most telling detail was finding their entire chat history archived in WhatsApp. She was hiding it. She told me she blocked him, but that was a lie. She archived the chats so they would not be easily seen.

From what I read, it seems this man has been sending her money and promising her gifts. They even have video calls together. I am trying hard not to imagine what happens when they see each other in person.

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I have never been an overprotective or controlling boyfriend. I provide for her and give her what she asks for when I am able. So why would she lie about this one specific man? The way she talks to him, the time and energy in their conversation, is unlike anything she has with any other friend.

Could this be more than friendship?

I am supposed to marry this woman soon. But now, I do not know what to think or what to believe. My trust is broken.

—Bedihene

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