Sometimes when I listen to other people talk about their partners in a not-so-flattering light, I count myself lucky. I would go to work and hear some of my colleagues rant on and on about their wives. “My wife did this awful to me,” one would say. “As for women, that’s how they are. If I tell you the things my wife has been doing, you will pat me on the back for being so patient with her,” another would respond. Even here on Silent Beads, I have read many stories from men whose wives make them question their worth.

Whenever I come across such stories I just say a simple prayer in my head; “God, thank you for giving me a woman after your own heart.” Truly, I am blessed to be with her. She is kind, generous, loving, sweet, and everything good about humanity. If I was asked to choose a wife in a million alternate universes. I would travel across the multiverse choosing her in each universe.

In my next life, if there is such a thing, I would still choose her. There is not a shred of doubt in my heart that she is the woman fashioned out of my ribs. Everything about her is beautiful. Physically, she is perfect. I take one look at her and I get hard. That’s the effect she has on me.

As much as I enjoy bragging about my wife, that is not why I am here. I only want you to know that I love every part of her; quirks, warts, and all. I wish there was a way I could show her the way I see her. If I could lend her my eyes so she would see herself through me, I would do it in a heartbeat. Unfortunately, life doesn’t work like that. So I am struggling to get her to embrace all of herself.

Her body image is the only problem in our marriage. She has body hair, something I find very attractive. See, I am not talking about strands of hair here and there. She is very hairy all over her body. Her legs, arms, chest and she even has a beard. This is a huge turn-on for me.

My wife, on the other hand, hates this part of herself. She tends to shave everything off until her skin is smooth to the touch. Me too, I don’t like it when she does that. This has become a bone of contention for us.

To reach some kind of compromise, I told her, “No matter what I say, you insist on shaving off your body hair. I understand that you need to feel comfortable in your own body but can you at least leave the hair on your chest and legs for me? It adds up to your unique beauty and I love to see it.” She refused.

We have had this conversation several times but each time she tells me, “You are saying these things because you love me but that’s not how society works. According to the standard of beauty, a woman is supposed to have smooth skin.” Honestly, I didn’t know there was a defined standard of beauty until she mentioned it. Where did she get these ideas?

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I have seen enough movies to know that women in the Western world shave their body hair. But we are not in America or Europe. How does what they call beauty apply to us? I have spoken to other men here in Ghana who share my love for hair on my woman’s body. So I don’t understand what my wife’s problem is.

Whenever she makes a negative statement about her body I tell her, “Your body is art. Why can’t you see it?” If for nothing at all, I am her husband. Doesn’t it matter what I want? If I ask her to leave the hair for me, shouldn’t she consider my feelings about it? Or I am asking for too much?

When God Throws A Wife On Your Table

Anytime she tells me, “I can’t leave my hair the way it is because society expects a woman’s body blah blah blah,” all I hear is, “I am doing this thing to my body to impress other people.” This hurts my feelings very much. I believe my opinion of her should matter more than the opinion of people who don’t even know her. These people are living their lives not worrying about you and you want to look a certain way for them. Why?

I need a way to get through to her. She can shave off her facial hair and other parts of her body but she should leave the ones on her legs and chest. That’s all I am asking. Apart from constantly complimenting and having conversations with her about my concerns, what else can I do? Please, I need all the help I can get. Also, can someone tell me if it is a bad thing for a woman to be hairy?

—Adam

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