My boyfriend of five months has a son who is seven years old. After he told me about the circumstances surrounding the birth of the child, I concluded there was something fishy about it. Honestly, if I were in his shoes, I would have gone to do a DNA test to assure myself that the child was truly mine. This is why I am saying this.

When we first met he told me, “I am not the party type. I don’t drink, smoke, or enjoy loud music. So if you want someone to go clubbing with, I am not your guy.” I thought it was something he was just saying to make himself appear like a good boy. However, I have gotten to know him enough to accept that he was telling the truth. This guy is a typical introvert.

He is always working. He leaves the house at dawn and returns at dusk. So he doesn’t joke with his weekends at all. He wouldn’t go out unless it was necessary. He prefers to spend the time resting, washing his clothes, cleaning his apartment, and planning for the week ahead.

Someone like this wouldn’t even attend social gatherings, especially on a weekend. However, he had to honour an invitation to a friend’s party. He told me, “The only thing I took at the party was a non-alcoholic malt drink. It was even one bottle. I don’t know what happened after that.” He then paused for a while before saying, “I woke the next morning in a bed with a lady I knew.”

He explained that although he liked the lady and knew she liked him, they were not in a relationship. He didn’t like her enough to want a relationship with her so he never proposed to her. They didn’t have a sexual relationship either. They were just people who ran in the same circle.

He said he couldn’t pinpoint exactly what happened to him that night. They woke up in bed together so he assumed they must have had intimacy. That’s why it didn’t surprise him when the girl came to him after a few weeks that she was pregnant.

He told me, “I explained to her that I wasn’t ready to be a father so she should get rid of it. She refused to do it. I wasn’t happy with the turn of events but I started sending money for child support. When she gave birth, I sent her money for the baby’s naming ceremony but I didn’t attend the ceremony.”

According to him, it took him two years of the child’s life to gather the courage to inform his family about the child. Now, he pays for school fees and everything concerning the well-being of the child.

I advised him to have a DNA test done, now that the child is growing up. I believe the earlier he is sure of the paternity of the child, the better it will be for him. He responded, “Oh, I know. I have thought about it several times. But I don’t think this is the right time for that. I am not in the right frame of mind to pursue such a thing.”

His answer honestly infuriated me. This is because we have plans to settle down in the future. So I don’t want a situation where we will invest so much money into the child’s future, only for an unknown man to come and claim him out of the blue.

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I also have a child of my own from my previous relationship but his dad passed away during the Covid-19 pandemic. That’s how I became a single mother. My boyfriend doesn’t talk to my child often but when they do, they get along very well. I don’t bother him with my son’s upkeep. I take care of him like I was doing before he came into our lives. So no, we are not a burden to him. I am not advocating for him to do a DNA test with any malicious intent.

According to him, he is unable to tell his family about how the child was born or what the child’s mother did to trap him into sleeping with her. And as it stands now he doesn’t know how a non-alcoholic beverage got him drugged or whatever it is that made him pass out to the point where he doesn’t remember anything that happened that night  at the party.

I Haven’t Done It With A Married Woman Before | Story Board

Now my question is, how do I convince him to have this DNA test done without him thinking otherwise? Honestly, I feel like this is a big issue for me. Because the child’s mother requests for every single thing the child needs from him. She even went to the extent of asking him for GHC50 to prepare food for the child on their “Our Day”. Even graduation fees, he was billed to pay for it.

I’m just worried that he could be doing all this for a child that is not his. But if we are sure that the child is his, I will have some peace knowing very well that supporting him in taking care of the child isn’t going to hurt either of us. What do I do? How do I get him to do what needs to be done?

—Abi

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