I am a health worker in my late twenties. I moved to my current region about a year ago because of an unhealthy and complicated relationship I had with the father of my children. We have two children together but, in the end, I had to choose myself and the interests of my children. People talked when I moved away but I didn’t care about any of that. I told myself, “These people who are judging me now are the same people who will show up at my funeral in tears if that relationship kills me.”

Eight months after I moved here, I ended the relationship and focused on my career and my children. It wasn’t easy balancing the two children with work. And I struggled to find a good nanny for them so I sent my daughter to live with one of my relatives. And I was left with my youngest, a boy. Now, to my main story.

I met a young doctor in my department in April this year. He is also not from here so we found comfort in each other. Our friendship progressed rapidly and in no time, we were sharing deeply personal details of our lives together. He is the only person I befriended since I moved here, and it didn’t take long for the friendship to evolve into something romantic. We went out a couple of times and he asked me to be his girlfriend. I had also developed feelings for him so I said yes. All along I didn’t tell him that I have a daughter. He only knew about my son.

The morning after we had our first shuperu, this guy confessed that he already had a girlfriend. He said, “We met at the university, and we have been dating for two years now but it’s nothing serious. I should have been honest with you right from the beginning, I am sorry.” I didn’t believe that he had a girlfriend so I forgave him. Why didn’t I believe him? When we weren’t busy working, we were together. And in all the time we spent together he wasn’t making any phone calls or receiving any phone calls from any woman. So I concluded that he just made her up so I wouldn’t hold on too tightly to him.

However, as time went on, he started receiving phone calls from a particular number. And he would excuse himself to go and talk to the person. I figured that was the girl he told me about. And I got moody every time he spoke to her in my presence. Thankfully, he noticed it and stopped talking to her whenever we were together. Later he told me, “This lady is someone my family has met, and they like her. If I try to leave her for you, they won’t accept you. Not because of anything but the fact that you have a child.”

I realized then that he wanted me to understand my position in his life as a side chick. And it was a painful realization because I had grown to love him so much. I loved him because of his down-to-earth personality, his sincerity, his faithfulness, and basically everything about him. He tells me everything that goes on in his life. He has told me all his secrets that no one knows, not even his parents or his girlfriend. When I met him, he was struggling with some kind of addiction for eight years, and I helped him to overcome it.

Three months ago, he took me and my son on a three-day vacation. And I love how he treats my son like his own. He buys him random gifts when he goes out, and he makes sure I never get to lack anything too. Our bond is so strong that I get sick when I don’t see him for a while. He is also always glued to me, and sometimes I have to create a fight in order for him to get angry and leave my place. He tells me he loves me and I believe him.

Recently, he told me he would be moving to Accra in December so he wants us to break up in December. I told him, “Then we should just break up now and get it over with. There is no point in delaying the inevitable.” But we couldn’t stay away from each other after the breakup, so we kept getting back together. He loves me, I know that but he feels like he owes it to his girlfriend to stay with her.

There was a time he went to Accra for an occasion. And he told me everything that happened when he was there. When his girlfriend visited him, he called me on a video call and positioned the phone in a way I could see them. He wanted me to know that he wouldn’t touch her, and he didn’t. We both know that this relationship has to end at some point but we are dragging things. I told him about my daughter before he went to Accra, in the heat of an argument. He was surprised but he didn’t freak out. He even bought a book to give to her when she came to visit.

A few days ago, we were talking on the phone when he said; “Babe, we could talk on the phone for three to four hours nonstop and end it with video calls. I like the way you call me babe and the way you speak to me. You encourage me when I am down, and your voice is so soothing. Do you know that I haven’t spoken to my girlfriend on the phone for more than thirty minutes without getting angry? Her voice alone turns me off. And she calls me by my surname, which is not romantic. She also likes small talk, as if she is not an intelligent woman.” I felt so bad for him but he assured me that he likes her in person. He just doesn’t like talking to her on the phone.

Despite his claims that he loves her, I don’t think he does. The other day we were having another one of our arguments when he said, “You are too quarrelsome. That’s why I will choose my girlfriend over you. She and I haven’t argued since we started dating.” I felt shattered and I almost died of heartache that day but he apologized, and I forgave him. What I don’t understand is how they’ve been together all this while and never argued. That’s not love. I told him, “This lady is luring you into marriage by acting peaceful. It is after she gets what she wants that she will show you her true colours.”

READ ALSO: My Husband Is Refusing A Divorce After Getting Another Woman Pregnant

I haven’t met her in person but I’ve seen some of her videos on his phone, and I don’t feel right about her. She seems too hard and harsh for my boyfriend. I feel like she will only torment him when he marries her. I am better suited for him than she is. And he has told me that he enjoys shuperu with me more than he did with her. He says that’s why he is almost addicted to me. And I also feel like we were made for each other.

Although I love him and I wish he was mine, I can’t force him to choose me. But I want him to be happy, and I have a strong feeling that this lady won’t make him happy. I have mentioned it to him a few times but I don’t know how to make him see it without coming across as jealous. How do I do it? Or I should just watch him waste his money and get married to her and run back to me with regrets later? Please share your thoughts with me.

—Gabrielle

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