Marcus and I were best friends in JHS. Everywhere he went, I also went. And everywhere I went, he was there. We would go to school together and also return home together. On weekends, I would visit him. If I was unable to go to his house, he would come to my house. You couldn’t separate us if you tried. With the way we were close, I wasn’t surprised when I developed feelings for him. By then I was too young to understand love or relationships. Heck, I didn’t even know how to label my feelings or what to do about them.

All I knew was that we were best friends and we were exceptionally close. I kept my feelings shut in my heart and never told him about it. I just wanted to be around him as often as possible. And a part of me believed he also felt the same way about me. So I felt he would soon ask me to be his girlfriend, or he would at least kiss me. But my hopes came crashing down when he came to tell me; “Cee, I have a girlfriend now.”

I concealed the disappointment I felt as I asked, “Who is she?” He mentioned her name and I felt my heart break. It was one of the girls in our class. I couldn’t stand to see the two of them together. The way they even looked at each other was even enough to cause my heart to bleed. It was hard to do but I slowly withdrew from Marcus. I don’t know if he noticed my absence but didn’t say anything or if he didn’t notice it at all. Whatever the case was, I was more hurt that he watched me slip away and didn’t bother to hold on to me.

I kept my distance from him until he left the country. We were still in JHS when it happened. We kept in touch for a while but at some point, we lost contact. Occasionally, I thought of him but I didn’t know how to reach him until recently when one of our colleagues created a JHS group. Marcus and I reconnected through the group and started talking again.

During one of our conversations I told him, “I had a big crush on you when we were in school. But you broke my heart when you got yourself a girlfriend. I deeply regret that you are not the guy I had my first kiss with.” The way I said it made the whole thing sound like a foolish girl’s fantasy, so we laughed about it.

Later I asked him about his mother. The woman was as warm as sunshine when I used to go to their house. “She is well,” he answered. “Well, I am selling dresses for women her age. They are nice. You should buy some for her as a Mother’s Day present.” He asked for the prices and I sent them to him. He sent me the money and it was more than the price. I was so happy that I delivered the items to her myself.

She was still the ray of sunshine I remembered from my childhood. She couldn’t thank me enough when she saw the dresses. She told me, “I have been looking for you for a very long time now. Where have you been hiding?” Before I could answer her, she added, “I have always wanted you to end up with my son. You are a good girl and I want good things for him. That’s why I was happy when he told me he likes you. Has he said anything to you yet?” I shook my head, “No, we just started talking recently.” She assured me that Marcus would make his move soon.

I took everything she said as a joke so I laughed. But she didn’t laugh. “Maame, I am serious o. Or do you have a boyfriend already? It doesn’t matter anyway. Whoever it is, leave him and come for Marcus.” That was how I knew she meant business. I was filled with a cocktail of emotions when I left her place.

Although ten years have passed since I last saw Marcus, I still have feelings for him. Or better put, the crush I had on him never went away. And reconnecting with him brought everything back to the surface. I didn’t want to waste time pining after him again, so I called him. I asked him if his mother was right when she said he likes me. He laughed, “Yes, I like you, but I am sure my mother exaggerated things.” I then narrated the entire conversation that ensued between me and his mother to him. After hearing everything, he said, “You know what? I will talk to my mother and get back to you.”

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Since then, we have been talking on the phone regularly. We don’t talk about us. We only reminisce about our lives back in JHS. I waited for a while for him to address my conversation with his mother but that never happened. So I brought it up one evening. I asked him, “What are we doing? Are we just friends or this is heading somewhere?”

He answered, “I really like you but I need to know you well before I take any decision concerning us. For now, live your life as though my mother never had that conversation with you. If you meet someone you like, you can go ahead and date the person. Just do whatever makes you happy.” I was so heartbroken when he said this. How come someone I never dated broke my heart twice without even meaning to?

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Although I told him I respect his decision, I am not sure I should give up just yet. I deduced from our conversation that he has some insecurities. He thinks I will do things behind his back while I am here in Ghana. He has reservations about having a long-distance relationship. I on the other hand don’t have a problem with it. If he gives me an assurance that he is certain about me, I will faithfully wait for his return.

But here lies the case where he wants me to move on. I want to tell him that I will wait for him, however long it takes him to decide he wants to be with me. However, I don’t want to seem desperate. How should I go about it?

—Cee

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