How Do I Convince Her That I Am Not In A Cult?

I have never met my father. I don’t even know what he looks like. I could walk right by him on the streets and have no idea that he is my father. My mother had to raise four of us all by herself. And I saw how difficult it was for her. She would wake up at dawn and go to the market to sell, so we could get a good education.

There were times we helped her sell but other times she would tell us, “I am toiling for your sake. I need you to go to school, get a good job, and live a good life. That is the only way I will know that my labour has not been in vain.” So we all studied hard and did our best to make our mama proud.

When I completed SHS, I had the grades to go to the university but where was the money? My mother sold almost everything she could get her hands on, to raise extra money to pay for my admission fees. When her money box run empty, my pastor stepped in and supported her. Sometimes I felt bad that she had to work so hard because of me. But I couldn’t ask her to fold her arms and watch me not get tertiary education. She wouldn’t even listen if I had suggested it.

The best thing I could do for her was to study hard and appreciate her efforts. One prayer I always said to God was, “God please preserve my mother, and give me the opportunity to take good care of her in her old age.” For four years, she struggled, but she did not give up until I got my first degree. After graduation, I applied for a scholarship and traveled abroad for my master’s degree.

I am done with my master’s so I am back in Ghana. I currently work for an investment advisory firm in Ghana as a Senior Analyst responsible for Equities and Fixed Income research. I earn GHC6,500 every month. I am not married, and neither do I have a girlfriend. So I don’t have anyone to spend my money on. I also haven’t bought a car or any luxury products. I live a very simple life. You wouldn’t know what I do for a living by looking at me.

Just as I prayed when I was in school, I have the opportunity to take good care of my mother. I send her GH1000 every month for upkeep. I am saving money, and planning to take a loan to add to my savings so I could open a shop for her. She is getting old so I want her to stop selling at the market. I am doing all this wholeheartedly because I believe she deserves to reap everything she has sowed.

My siblings don’t give her any money. Not even one of them sends her GHC50 in a month. When she complains, they tell her that times are hard. Some of them give the excuse that they are taking care of their spouses and kids. The others would also complain that they don’t earn enough money from their government jobs. I have lost count of the number of times my mother has called me to complain about my siblings. I always console her, “It doesn’t matter if they don’t take care of you. I am here, and I will continue to provide for all you need.”

One day I was there when my mother called me. She said she had something important to ask me. “I want you to tell me the truth because that’s the only way I can help you.” I was confused but I assured her that I would tell her the truth. She then asked, “Emma, are you doing Sakawa?” I convinced myself that I didn’t hear her right. Or maybe she doesn’t understand Sakawa. So I asked, “What do you mean?” She loudly repeated, “I want to know where you get your money from. Is it Sakawa? Or you’ve joined a lodge? Which of the devils are you serving? So that I can tighten my prayer belt and pray for your deliverance.”

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I was tongue-tied by her accusations. I felt a pain in my chest like she had just stabbed me with a knife. I am not a stammerer but I started to stutter when I tried to speak. I was so close to tears but I held myself together and asked her, “Mama, where is this coming from?” She said she doesn’t believe that I can afford to give her GHC1000 every month out of my salary. “They pay me well,” I explained, “You know I don’t have anyone to spend my money on except you. That’s why I am able to give you that much.” It appears my explanation was not convincing enough.

I would give my mother gifts and she would act as if they were gifts from Lucifer himself. She looks at the gifts with spite and handles them with contempt. I feel terrible whenever this happens, but I also feel pain when she needs something and I don’t get it for her.

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So I did not allow her behavior to stop me from providing for her. I continued to be there for her until one day she insulted me. Her insult was about my money. She said I was in a cult. I was so hurt that I stopped sending her money.

However, I want to repair the damage her accusations are doing to our relationship. I want her to see me as her son again, instead of the image she now has of me. If she treats my gifts with contempt, then will she accept it when I finally open the store for her? I don’t know how to handle this situation. Please, I need advice.