One thing I noticed in my family is that the women end up with broken marriages. My parents’ marriage was no exception. They split up without any tangible reason. Maybe I was too young to understand why they divorced. All I knew was, they did not have any big problems. They just woke up one day and decided they were no longer in love.
I love my father. He was the one who got custody of me after their divorce. I lived with him when I was three years old and we were happy together until I grew up and got married. The entire time I was with him, I tried to understand why their marriage did not work out. However, I never did.
What confused me more was the fact that my father went back to my mum asking for them to work things out. By then my mother was no longer interested in him so she turned him down. I have seen the same thing happen with my aunts. They all went into marriages that didn’t last, only for the men to show up asking for a comeback.
Just like my mum, some of my aunts never took their ex-husbands back. There were ones who did. However, the ones who did not reconcile with their husbands never remarried. They just chose to live the rest of their lives as single women. These things happened around me yet I didn’t pay attention to them until I also got married.
When I met my husband, he was ready for marriage. I liked him but marriage was not on my mind at the time. I just wanted us to get to know each other well and figure out the rest as we go along. It happened that a short while into the relationship, I got pregnant. He didn’t freak out when I told him. He just said, “It’s a good news. Tell your people and let me also tell my people so that we can speed along the marriage process.”
I was twenty-three by then. I was so naive that I thought marriage was my only way out of the situation. “We’ve not dated for long. I don’t know him well enough to marry him but I cannot be a born-one either.” This was what I told myself when I finally went into the marriage.
I am not going to lie, I saw many red flags before I dived into this union but I turned a blind eye to all of it. I felt it wouldn’t be a big deal once we were married. That was my mistake. I learned my lessons after I started experiencing all forms of verbal and psychological abuse.
My husband had this relationship with his pastor that was strange. The two of them would gang up against me and accuse me of things I haven’t done. I don’t even know where he got that fake pastor of his from, but he was part of the problem in our marriage.
We were together for six years. Our firstborn is a boy and our secondborns are twins. I tried to hold on to the marriage for the sake of our kids. Besides, it was when things started going wrong that I noticed the trend in my family about women and bad marriages. I did not want to follow that pattern so I did my best to endure everything he threw at me.
However, after six years in the marriage, I couldn’t take it anymore. It was a terrible experience. I wouldn’t wish a marriage like that for even my enemy. When I left the marriage, he wouldn’t grant me a divorce. He said he did not want to pay alimony. So we were separated for a very long time.
After five years of separation, my ex-husband started showing signs that he wanted me back. He didn’t openly say what he wanted because his ego wouldn’t allow it. I was not interested in him anymore so I ignored him.
When he finally realized that all was lost, he agreed to grant me a legal divorce. The court awarded him custody of our boy who’s now twelve years now. I was given custody of the twin girls who are now eight years old.
He has refused to take up responsibilities for the girls even though the court ruled for him to do so. I’m doing everything for the children by myself but I am not complaining. Now my problem has to do with my family. They are putting so much pressure on me to remarry.
They say I am young so I should put myself out there. I know they mean well but I’m scared I may end up in the wrong hands again. I know I am not perfect but I am a very good person. People close to me are in awe my marriage collapsed. That’s because they know that I am not a bad person.
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As much as I am enjoying this single life compared to my marital experiences, I want to break the family cycle of broken marriages. That’s why sometimes I also consider remarrying. I have cousins who have reached the age of marriage so I am concerned that if I don’t break the cycle, they will follow the cycle.
I don’t joke with my prayer life but a part of me says I should forget about remarrying and devote my time to working and taking care of my little ones. I don’t know which way to go. I am so confused.
—Araba
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Keep praying for God to show you the way. As for the second marriage prayer to break any form of yolk or curse. Pray to break any evil link. For we don’t wrestle against flesh but against spirits, principalities. When praying include your daughter’s future marriage in it. Plant the good seed now so that it will grow into a beautiful tree with good fruits. Take your time don’t rush.
I understand this perfectly. This situation is just simply trust me. It’s something that will go on and on until it’s broken or else your children will experience the same thing. You can leave with a man and not marry him, you will enjoy the relationship till till, but once he puts the ring on your finger, the marriage will collapse. That’s how come you family experienced it long before you also did. It’s only when you find the solution to the problem or else it will remain forever. Look for a power prophet, and you wil be safe. Reach me on my email. From the admin.
We put too much premium on marriage! You have nothing to prove to anyone. Try to have a good social life and open up to healthy friendship from both sexes. If love finds you and it is worth a lifelong commitment take the plunge. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. However, do not feel pressured to remarry to prove a point or break an alleged curse in your family. What’s the point of life, if you can’t be happy?