I met Ben at a time when I was praying to God for a good man. I was recovering from a toxic relationship at the time. My ex was a whole lot of things. He drained me financially and treated me as if I didn’t matter. Through it all, I still held on to him. It was when I found out he was gay that I finally let him go.

After that, I prayed fervently asking God to bring me a man that is meant to stay. Ben was the answer to that prayer. Interestingly, he was also praying to God to give him a woman like me. So it was no coincidence that we found each other.

The unfortunate thing about our relationship was my illness. Years ago, I was diagnosed with a disease that required me to undergo surgery from time to time. I was living with my parents on the town’s outskirts, where I did not have access to proper medical care. So Ben got me a specialist in a hospital that is a stone’s throw from his place.

The sickness almost took everything from me. It drained me financially and physically. I took a long leave from work but eventually, I had to quit my job. From there, I moved into Ben’s place so I would be seeing my doctor regularly. When everything was down in my life, Ben stood by me. He was all the support I needed in my life.

While he was present for me, he was absent for himself. His employees resigned because he barely showed up at the workplace. He missed a lot of meetings with his investors which caused a handful of them to withdraw their investments in his business. Despite all this, the hospital became his second home.

Two months after I was discharged, Ben’s sister completed JHS. His mother called to tell me she would like the little girl to come and live with us. I had no objections. After all, we are not married. So I did not think the decision was mine to make. As long as Ben was okay with it, I too was okay with it.

It didn’t take long for his sister to join us as discussed. The first week of her arrival was great. I took her shopping for clothes. Everywhere I went, she followed me. I treated her the way I would my younger sister. During that first week, she helped me in the kitchen and performed other chores around the house.

The week that followed came with its changes. Ben’s sister left me to cook, clean, and do laundry all alone. I was doing all of it before she arrived so I did not complain. Initially, I would serve Ben, and then his sister after I cook. However, it got to a time when I only served Ben. When it came to his sister, I allowed her to dish out her own food from the pot.

I was doing all this so she would feel at home. What I did not expect was for her to get too comfortable. This girl stopped eating my cooking. She would wait for me to finish cooking, and then she would go and use the ingredients that I bought with my money to cook whatever she wants to eat. On days that I didn’t leave enough ingredients for her to use to cook, she would tell her brother that I starved her. Ben would in turn pick a fight with me over it. Meanwhile, I always made sure there was food at home for even his employees to eat. So why wouldn’t there be food for his sister to eat?

Recently, she wanted to prepare fried plantain but I stopped her. That was the only thing she was eating every day. I did not think it was healthy, so I asked her to eat something else. She got angry and called her mother and complained bitterly that I was starving her. The night of that incident I prepared food but she refused to eat it. Then when Ben came home, she told him I didn’t give her food.

My boyfriend didn’t even ask me questions. He just picked a fight with me immediately. I thought we were a family but that night I felt like an outsider. After the fight, I packed my stuff and moved back to my parent’s house. The next morning, Ben called me asking me to come back. His mother also called to express her displeasure about my leaving. Her tone was not friendly.

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My intention is to return to his house only after we are married. Last week he visited his parents, so I told him to discuss our wedding plans with them considering that our first arrangement was disrupted by my last surgery. I just wanted to make sure that I was still in his mother’s good graces.

When he discussed our plans with them, his mother didn’t seem enthused about the idea. She told him that I received phone calls deep into the night whenever he was away. These are things his sister told her about me. Ben knows very well that he was the one I talked to late into the night, but he did not explain it to her.

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This issue has brought a huge disagreement between us. His sister will start SHS hopefully this year. My concern is that more siblings like her will come and stay with Ben. If one teenager has been able to cause this much rift in our relationship, then can we stay together if there are more of them? I’m disturbed.

Ever since I started dating in the university, I always prayed for favor in the eyes of my future in-laws. Even my ex who was a witch, his mum loved me. So how can I keep dreaming of a life with Ben when I know his mother doesn’t like me? Although it is his little sister who has told them stories about me, I need to find a way to win them to my side again. So tell me, what can I do to convince them that I am not the kind of girl they think I am?

—Pokuaa

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