He doesn’t put his phone down. The only time he let his phone go is when he’s taking his bath or the few hours that he would fall asleep. I saw it right from the beginning but I didn’t think it was a serious issue that could bring our relationship to its knees.

On our first date, he was on his phone most of the time. Immediately the conversation went down, he picked up his phone and started fidgeting with it. To get his attention again, I had to bring something up to distract him from his phone.

I told him, “You read a lot on your phone, it seems.” He responded, “I’m mostly alone so that’s the only thing that keeps me company.”

I didn’t argue with him because it was our first date. I also felt he was a great guy since he was a loner. Most guys I’d met would rather be with their squad drinking and catching up with women but this one didn’t do that. I felt it meant I would have him to myself and build a relationship that would last instead of competing for his attention with squad members. It’s been a year now but the problem is worse than I ever could think of.

I thought he clung to his phone out of boredom so I took him to the movies one evening. He never watched the movie consistently for a minute. He stayed typing on his phone, scrolling through social media, and making faces to show that he was enjoying his phone more than the movies. I asked him, “Should we go home?” He responded, “But the movie isn’t over?” “Yes, it’s not over but you’re not watching so what’s the point?”

He put his phone down briefly, watched for like five minutes, and returned to his phone. I got up and told him I was going home. He got up and followed me. In the car going home, I poured my heart out to him, “I feel like you’re ignoring me. You’re ignoring me because of your phone. We can’t build any meaningful connection if you’re always on your phone. I don’t feel seen. I don’t feel heard. I don’t feel important in your life because it’s always about your phone.”

He listened and promised to do better. I didn’t believe him but gave him the benefit of the doubt. Nothing changed. He would only put his phone down when he realized I was looking at him. He would say sorry and smile mischievously. He knew he was doing something wrong but didn’t bother.

He went to church but was on his phone throughout. An usher realized it and took his phone from him. Later though, the usher brought it back. When he got hold of his phone, he left the church and never went back. He stopped going to church because of that incident. He was so angry he was shaking when he narrated the story to me. I told him the same thing I’d always told him, “Your phone is not the only important thing in the world. There are many good things and many important things to see. Just put it down once in a while.”

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He called it nagging until one day he told me, “I have so many important things to do on my phone that’s why I can’t put it down. You better deal with it. My work and everything is on my phone. That’s where I get my money. I should put it down and do what to survive?”

You see, not that I can’t live my life without him. I can but I feel his addiction to his phone shouldn’t be the only reason why I’ll leave this relationship. He is good when it comes to other aspects of the relationship. He’s there when you want him to show up. Of course, he’ll be there on his phone but at least you can feel his presence. He is supportive. He is caring and provides when he ought to. I’m not even asking him to put his phone down all day. Just for the few hours we are together, he should look at me, talk to me … he should just see me.

It Will Be Difficult For Me To Commit To One Person

When I’m talking to him about my day or any important thing, he is on his phone, clearly distracted. When I complain, he tells me he can multi-task. He would be multi-tasking all day and not connect in any instance.

I don’t want to leave him because of that. As I said, he has his strong side and that side makes the starless night bright. If only he could change this or even reduce his phone time, I believe this relationship will head to the destination we both want. Is there anything I can do to help him put his phone down? He won’t put his phone down for the sake of God, do you think he will do it for my sake?

—Abigail

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