I met Ken three years ago through Facebook. He was in the USA but the long distance did not deter us. A year into our relationship he sent his paternal relatives to come and see my family to ask for my hand in marriage. Before we took this step we laid our skeletons on the table. I am forty while he is fifty-four. I have a son and he has six children with two women. This was everything we were supposed to know about each other.
That’s why I thought it odd when we went to meet my pastor and the pastor asked Ken, “Do you have a wife?” He shook his head vehemently and said no and that they divorced long ago. I also thought, “Of course, he doesn’t have a wife. What kind of question is that?” After we left the pastor’s place, I jokingly asked if he had a wife and he looked at me and said, “I am hoping to have a wife if you marry me.” Plans were made and six months after his family came to see mine, Ken came home for us to tie the knot in a private traditional marriage.
A day after the marriage, my elder sister called me. As soon as I answered the call she said, “Can you hear the noise in the background? Do you know what’s going on here?” I imagined all the worst things that could go wrong and asked what the problem was. “There is a woman here saying the man you married is her husband. She brought along pictures and three other women to bear witness to what she was saying.”
According to my sister, they insulted and said a lot of bad things about the man, 95% of which were false. Even after all that drama, my husband insisted that the woman was not his wife. During the marriage, the people he came with were mostly from the maternal side. They all supported the man’s claim that he had no wife, including his own mother.
Three days later my family organized the man’s maternal family members to meet the woman’s family for clarification. During the meeting, it was revealed that he married the woman and they had three children. However, in the course of the marriage, the woman returned the man’s drink to divorce him and went for another man.
Later, Ken got the opportunity to travel to the USA and he came back after some years. During his visit, he went to his deceased father’s hometown to visit his siblings. He was told the man his wife divorced him for did not marry her after giving birth with her. As such his paternal siblings asked for a reunion with Ken without his maternal family’s awareness. He did not perform any husband duties after the reunion.
It was three years after the reunion that I met him. My family decided to suspend our 3 days marriage for Ken to compensate his ex-wife for her time wasted. Ken, wanting all this to be over as soon as possible, sent money to his family to compensate her. They accepted it peacefully, and there hasn’t been any drama since. It’s been two years now.
Recently, Ken’s family came to apologize to my family through a respectable person in my hometown, for what the woman came to do and officially ask for the suspension to be lifted. My uncle who is the family head doesn’t have any problem with it. They called him before coming and he gave them the go-ahead. My mother who they met at home gladly accepted the apology. All was supposed to be well but the devil was working overtime.
The next day, a family relative who is a pastor visited and my mum informed him about the apology. The pastor advised my mother to return their money in the form of refusing the apology because the woman divorced the man because of me. Without consulting me, my mother returned the money to the man they passed it through. Luckily, he didn’t accept it.
Now the problem is, my mother doesn’t eat when I cook. She is seventy-three years but she prepares something for herself whenever she wants to eat. She has been insulting me for being a fool to go for a married man. She asked me if I can’t see that this person never married but she’s happy? Vivian, can’t you see Rose gave birth to only one child yet she’s happy? Is it by force for you to get married?
Before I met Ken, whenever l got any male visitor, she would stand beside me till the person left. Because of that men in my hometown always told me, “Vivian, if you don’t move away from your mother, you will never get married.” My two sisters are around but she has made it in such a way that I am the only person who can cook to her satisfaction. Because of this, I am compelled to always stay at home with her.
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I contributed to this family house and I am yet to complete my own house, that’s why l am still in this house for now. She doesn’t eat my food and doesn’t talk to me because she wants me to leave the marriage. Though I have a good job and a side business, this man still sends me money every month for upkeep. He sends clothes and foodstuffs in barrels.
He assisted me in roofing my house which cost almost GHC50,000. He is begging me not to leave him. Mum says I should leave him. For the past week, I don’t feel like talking to anyone. I sleep a lot but wake up with a headache. I have been thinking about what to do but there is no easy choice here. Please let me know if this marriage is not accepted as a Christian.
—Vivian
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My sister stay married to your husband. You had nothing to do with the divorce anyway. He chose you besides the marriage was over already. As for your mom de3 its her menopause talking. If she can cook then thank God this shows that she is healthy. Don’t blame yourself for something you had no hand in. Don’t loose a good man because of what is happening to you. Thank God for everything.
My sister, the pastor is the devil’s worker. Pushing your mum to return the apology and giving examples of single parent women for you to model is UNBIBLICAL. These new occultic pastors are serving something else and not God.