When we first started going out, his friends didn’t approve of me. They saw the vast age gap between us and concluded that I would break his heart. They warned him not to invest too much into the relationship. Thank God he didn’t listen to them. He knew me well enough to know that I am not a bad person. So I wouldn’t purposely do anything to hurt him. And honestly, I never had ill intentions for this man.
When I met him I was down. I had completed high school and had no direction for my life. I didn’t have any job. Where would I get money? How would I survive? That’s how bleak my life looked. Then he came along and gave me hope. He literally lifted me from a bad place and put me in a good place.
This man is quite old and influential, so he used his connections to get me a job in a place where degree holders wouldn’t even get a job. I knew I didn’t deserve that opportunity so I worked twice harder than everyone else. I was constantly punctual too. This earned me favours with my bosses. And I got promoted.
I can boldly say that all my financial struggles no longer exist. I don’t remember the last time I lacked anything. Although my old man supports me financially, I will still do very well without his support. That’s how greatly my life has turned around in just a span of two years.
Right from the moment we started dating, he told his wife about us. Unlike his friends, she likes me. We’ve had a cordial relationship for the past two years that I have been dating her husband. Sometimes she would call to check up on me. There are also times that she calls to enquire about her husband’s whereabouts when she is unable to reach him. She even sends me gifts and items for the house from time to time.
Our arrangement worked perfectly well for everyone. Nobody got hurt, and everyone was happy. However, things have changed. What I mean is, I have changed. It’s not that I don’t want him anymore, I do. In fact, I want more from our relationship than he is offering.
I want him to make things official. Seeing as the people in his life have met and know me, I also asked him to come and meet my family. He told me, “I am not ready to do that.” He didn’t specify if that’s something he will do at some point or if it will never happen.
My mother suggested that I bring him home so she would at least get to put a face to the name. This man declined the invitation. I explained to him, “I am in my mid-twenties right now, and we’ve been together for two years. Where’s this relationship going if it won’t lead to marriage? If you at least meet my people, I will know that you are serious about our future together.”
His response was, “If you change your character, we will get married. But if you don’t change, then we will just keep going the way we are.” That’s what I don’t understand. I haven’t been bad to this man. Everything he requires of me, I do it. I never looked at another man, let alone be unfaithful to him. So why is he saying I should change?
I asked him to point out the changes I should make but he hasn’t said anything. His behaviour tells me that he is not interested in taking our relationship to the next level. If he was, he would have at least tried to meet my parents.
Fortunately, I met a guy at my church who proposed love to me. I said yes to him hoping to see how things go. The relationship started recently but I can see that this guy is ready for marriage. He talks about it all the time. So I decided to let the man go.
You should see the sorts of insults this man rained on me when I told him I was done with our relationship. “You want to give me a broken heart and you think I will let it happen?” He shouted. It’s very apparent that he is not ready to let me go.
I’ve Thought About How To Blame God
I also want to move on with my life. So I am asking, should I proceed with my church guy and leave the married man? I don’t want this man to feel that I have betrayed him. He is already saying, “I helped you to stand on your feet and you want to break my heart in return? My friends were right about you, after all.”
If this is what he thinks, won’t he harm me when he finds out that I am getting married to another man? What about his friends? How will he cope with them if they find out that we are no more? I care about him so I don’t want him to be the subject of ridicule. But I also cannot put my life on hold waiting for him to decide whether or not he wants to marry me. I am very confused. Please, what do I do?
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Sis the answer is straight forward a journey that leads to nowhere is no journey . Marry the other guy. As for what people think to hell with it. Let go off the fear and experience the blessings of being shown to others and being married.
You don’t need his approval to go if you were his daughter would he have advised you to stay with a man who’s not ready to marry you.
Please go and marry wai and stop saying he doesn’t want you to go because you are not shackled.
I personally think you should first of all check everything you did for him that made him profess his love to you in different ways. And moreover since his wife has been good to you from day 1. I would advise you have a lady to woman talk with her in person to know what she thinks of when it comes to you not wanting to be tagged ungrateful to their family. Remember when his wife accepted you it meant she didn’t want chaos in her home. And leaving someone who has helped you this much breaking his heart may break down his home(the home that accepted you wholeheartedly knowing what you were doing was right). … Think about this well and as for the church guy be careful most of we men walking this earth are now opportunistic.
Don’t let marriage now destroy your already good life. Remember when we hurt people and they cry on us Karma follows Next.
Be guided… Bless Up
Joe your comment gave goose bumps!!! You are so matured in your advice. God bless you. A lot of people will condemn the writer but you gave the best advice I have ever read. Kudos
Eeeeiiiii things are happening ooo. What happened to genuine kindness without getting into skirts???? Truly we are in the end times.
Any woman that is at peace with her husband’s mistress has fallen out of love with the man. It’s so sad you thrived on the woman’s “I don’t care” to keep going with her husband. I always say that a married man is a big no. It is better to suffer and wait on the Lord than to go that path.
Anyways since the harm has already been done, you should be prepared for anything from the man. He can take away every thing he has helped you with. Have in mind that you may probably loose everything but no matter what happens, break up with him and don’t let his wife talk you into staying.
Give your life to Christ and begin anew with Him.
Wish you the best
The heading of the story does not sum up the story.
His wife knows you, the man loves you and didn’t say he wont make it official.
Per your own story, he made a request that you change your character then he will do the needful.
You lied by telling us you were not doing anything wrong but later said you’ve found a new guy you want to marry.
Look, dont throw dust into our eyes here.
you changed because you decide to do the same thing his friends and perhaps his wife warned him about.
I can boldly say, you never loved this man like you wrote here because if you do, you will concentrate on being what he wants instead of doing all that you’re doing.
Get these; If he truly ignored his friends advice and took you up there, then be careful cos he can bring you to your worse ever just to prove a point to his friends as well. I am not asking you to stick to him, I am only asking you to find a better way of ending it with him rather than this annoying stuff you’re doing