Somewhere in 2015, one of the guys in my church started talking to me. He said he wanted us to be friends. I liked how calm he was so I agreed to this friendship. We got along well. Everything I learned about him made me like him. Things started getting heated between us but no one had proposed yet. We were still in the talking stage.
At the time our friendship started, I was working as a teacher in a private school. I had plans to further my education and continue teaching. Apart from the fact that teaching is my profession, it is also my passion. I discussed this with Bob and he didn’t have a problem with it. He was an entrepreneur. He used to travel to Dubai to buy goods to come and sell in Ghana.
At some point, he finally told me, “I like you. And I would like to get to know you romantically if that’s okay with you. But before we start anything, I want you to meet my family.” I was in love with this guy at this point so I was happy to meet his family. I felt once that was out of the way, we would start dating. It was going to be my very first relationship.
We met this guy’s family and they were warm. His sister was the nicest to me. I felt victorious. Not only did I win this man’s heart but I won his family’s too. It was big. Who doesn’t want to go into a family that loves and accepts them?
After I left, Bob called me and said; “My sister says I shouldn’t date me.” “How? Why? What went wrong?” I demanded. He explained, “She says a young man like me who is about to start life has no business marrying a teacher.” This same sister he was talking about was dating a teacher. We all attend church with her boyfriend and I know him well.
“Why is your sister saying such things about teachers when she is with one?”
“Oh, it’s because teachers don’t have money. She feels you can’t support me with your salary. Besides, you have plans to go back to school. She says if you go back to school, your family will expect me to pay your fees.”
“Well, tell your sister that I had plans to go to school before you came along. I don’t expect you to bear the cost.”
Bob went to talk to his sister and came to tell me, “My sister said you are chubby. And I am also chubby so it won’t be right if we end up together.” It was at this point that I realized that he was not a man I should waste time with. Someone who does, “My sister says… my sister says…” is not worth the trouble. So I stopped pushing.
We were in the same church but he would see me and ignore me. He wasn’t even talking to my mother. His sister too would see me and frown. The only person who bothered to talk to me was his sister’s man. I didn’t like the way things played out but I accepted it and carried on my life.
Other guys in the church came my way but I wasn’t ready for any of them. I just wanted to focus on building my career. By and by, I got enlisted into one of the security services. After my training, I went to give a testimony in church.
To my utmost surprise, Bob started warming up to me after my testimony. “I am ready to marry,” he announced, “and it’s you I want to marry.” I just laughed and told him, “I am still a teacher. Just because I have a different job title now doesn’t mean I will ever stop teaching. And don’t forget that I am a chubby person. I lost weight because of training but I will gain weight again. So look elsewhere for a wife.”
I also added the fact that his sister didn’t want him to marry a teacher yet she married one.
After I turned him down, I heard he was upset. He told his friends that he would marry someone else just to get back at me. I heard everything but I wasn’t moved. True to his words, he got married after four months. I attended the wedding and celebrated with them.
He Says He Can’t Date Me Because I’m Too Beautiful
Two years after their marriage, he also enlisted in the security service. He visited me at my workstation a few times. I was surprised when he even reached out. Later, he told me he was having marital problems. “You didn’t agree to marry me so I married my wife after we only got to know each other for two months. The marriage is a disaster. I have caught her cheating on me several times. So we are going through a divorce,” he said. I offered him my sympathies and left it there.
Now his divorce has been finalized. He says he wants to marry me. As for me, I have completely lost interest in him so I turned him down. He has gone to win my mother to his side. She believes he is a good man so I should give him a chance. His friends are also apologizing on his behalf. There are a few more people who are pleading his case. I am not interested in him but the pressure is too much. What do I do? How do I get them to leave me alone?
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—Julia
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Hahaha.
My sister, tell him your sister says you shouldn’t marry a man who travels to Dubai (his first issue was with your work, right?).
If that doesn’t work, tell him your sister says you shouldn’t marry someone who is chubby.
If he wants to know which sister, tell them I am your sister.
Such silly excuses from an adult. He’s not worth your time dear.
Is you agree to marry him, you will leave to regret it. What if his marriage was successful, would he come back to u.? Society won’t feel your pains when it starts raining in your marriage. A man who cannot stand up for himself and his woman is not worth it . He is not matured, he can’t make decisions in the marriage without his family . My sister move on and find a matured man who will love u for what and whom u are.
I have a story too. Call me on 0249657192
0257102029.
I finished typing the story but he found and deleted it.
Julia, kindly reach him to be a man enough to decide for himself and only opened to opinions and suggestions from others. After the lessons, he can go and practice on another lady. With his characteristics he will dig into the past at the slightest thing at home. He needs to be matured for marriage. He might be matured in age but not for marriage.
Don’t mind them .Remain unmoved as a mountain .
Be firm in your decision and hostile to anyone who continues to harass you with this embarrassment of a man, including your mother. In our culture, we have a penchant for trying to run other people’s lives and yet we are unable to help when trouble comes. Most importantly you don’t love him and you don’t have to prove anything to anyone. Stand your ground and don’t rush into any other relationship because of the pressure.
Never make such mistake, I’m don’t rush and wait for the right person