Some months ago, I had a conversation with my boyfriend concerning his attachment with a certain lady. I didn’t like the way he related to the lady in question. If he posted a photo on Facebook, it was him and the lady. If you saw him making a call, it was a call to the lady. I know this because she’s the only one he speaks ewe with. I asked him, “What is between you and this lady that you always have to be on the phone with her?” He acted jovially. He said, “Are you jealous that I’m talking to another woman? She’s just a friend so put your mind at ease.”

“Just a friend” almost always graduates into things we didn’t see coming. It’s impossible to count how many relationships that phrase has killed. I said, “If she’s indeed a friend, then create boundaries. She shouldn’t run where lovers crawl. I’m not comfortable.”

I thought I was going to see certain changes but nothing changed. What I realized was, whenever he was with me and he had a call, he wouldn’t pick it. He won’t even touch his phone, let alone press on it. He said, “When I’m with you, I want to give you my 100% attention so you don’t accuse me of seeing someone who is just a friend.”

I started getting uneasy but there was no concrete evidence to pin him down with. I continued loving him the best way I should while opening my eyes to spot all the red flags. One evening, a friend of mine sent me a message asking me, “Have you seen your guy’s WhatsApp status?” I responded, “I haven’t. Let me check. I checked and he hasn’t posted any status.” I said, “He hasn’t posted any status so which one are you talking about?” A few seconds later, she sent me a screenshot. She said, “This is what I’m talking about. He posted it five hours ago so how come you don’t see it?”

The status was about that girl. She was celebrating her birthday and my boyfriend had posted seven different photos of her, celebrating her on his status. My friend asked me, “And you still believe him? Someone who can hide his status from you?”

I called him on phone; “Edem, why don’t I see your status?” He started stuttering. I asked again, “Is it because of that girl that’s why you’ve blocked me from seeing your status?” He said, “I know you’ll be jealous and start asking plenty of questions that’s why I blocked you from seeing it.” We had a long argument. He realized I was getting angry. He apologized. He said, “I don’t like the way you perceive her that’s why I’m not comfortable letting you see such things. It won’t happen again.” I said, “Here’s the solution to all this. Introduce me to her. Call her to meet you. Go with me to that meeting and introduce me to her as your girlfriend.”

He said, “That’s a great idea. That would solve all these frictions going on in our relationship concerning this same girl.” As to when he would do that introduction, he kept postponing it. I asked him once and he said, “I’m waiting for the right time when the girl would be less busy.” I didn’t bother him again. In my mind, I had accepted the fact that the girl was his girlfriend but what to do with that fact became an issue for me. I didn’t want to walk away with half-baked facts. I told myself, “It will all make sense one day.”

One evening, around 12am I went on WhatsApp to check on him and he was online. I sent him a message, “You said goodnight to me around 9pm so why are you online?” I saw him typing but the message never came. I called his phone. He didn’t pick. An hour or so later, I had a notification from WhatsApp. The message was, “How long have you been dating Edem? I asked, “Who is this?” She said, “I’m Fafa.” That was the girl. I asked her, “Is anything the issue? She said, “Yes. Edem is here with me. I was the one on his phone when you texted. I was going through his phone because some things he told me didn’t add up.”

I asked, “How would I know you are not lying to me?” She sent me a photo of him comfortably sleeping in her bed. My heart skipped. I started sweating. I said, “We’ve been dating for the past one year—a year and a half specifically.” She said, “We’ve been dating for seven months now. I’ve always asked him about you and he told me one lie after another. But I’m not a kid.” I asked her, “What lies specifically?” She forwarded a voice note that Edem sent her some time ago. It was a four minutes audio but I couldn’t listen to the end. He said, (talking about me) “She’s just a friend but I know she wants something more than friendship. I don’t like her that much. I know her history with men and I can’t date a woman like that.” Then he said something in ewe that I didn’t understand. I asked what the meaning was and the lady said, “He said you have a bad breath and he can’t bring himself to kiss a woman with a stinking mouth.”

I got angry and sad at the same time. I asked her, “Can you wake him up so we talk about it?” She said, “That’s too fast.” I said, “Ok, show me where you live and I will come there right now.” She said, “You’ve wasted your years with him. I’ve wasted my months with him. Why don’t we teach him a lesson?” I asked, “What lesson?” She went offline and never came back again until the next early morning when she texted me, “Please don’t ask him anything. I will call you.”

When she called, she said, “We should form an alliance and hurt him back before we let him know the truth.” I said, “Hurt him how?” She said, “This morning I told him I’m pregnant. He said we should get rid of it because he was not ready.” I accepted and asked him to give me GHC2,000 before I would do it. You can also do the same. We’ll continue to run him down until he begs for mercy.” The girl wanted drama. I wanted to just walk out with my sanity intact.

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If he was clever, he would have noticed the change in me but he didn’t. I acted distant and angry whenever I was with him but he didn’t ask why. Days ago, I decided to go ahead with the girl’s plan. I told him, “I’m pregnant.” He smiled. He asked, “Are you serious?” I said, “How can I joke with something like that?” He said, “Ahuh, that’s why you’ve been acting weird lately. So why didn’t you tell me earlier.” I said, ‘That’s not important. What are we going to do?” He said, “I’m ready for the child but I know you’ll be concerned about being pregnant without a husband so if you like, we can have a small traditional wedding so after delivery, we have a proper wedding. That’s my mind. I don’t know what you think.”

I was stunned. He asked for feedback and I told him to give me some days to think about it. I wanted to tell the girl what he told me but I held on. But wait…if he told the other girl to get rid of hers and told me to give birth and later get married then I’m the one he loves truly, right? Now, all my plans to hurt him had gone down the drain. I want to confess everything I planned with the girl to him. I’m ready to forgive him and forge ahead with him if only he would let the other girl go.

Is that a bad decision to take? Yeah, he cheated, but men are like that.  I can leave him today and still fall for another cheat. It’s an endless chain but if I forgive him and get married to him, I know he won’t do that again and the love he has for me will be permanent because I saw his sins and went ahead to forgive him. That’s my mind but I don’t know if I’m thinking straight. Please advise.

–Efia

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