My boyfriend, JJ comes from a very comfortable home. He is handsome and generous too. I have known him for a very long time but we started dating not too long ago and our affection for each other has grown stronger over the months. JJ and I were both on the same page when we started talking. We supported each other’s dreams and were each other’s confidants.

If I encountered any problems in life, he was the one I ran to. If I had any wins, I ran to him too. He had full access to every aspect of my life. I believed that our love was unbreakable. That was until these past few weeks. I don’t know what changed for him but he started spending time with a particular lady.

The lady’s name is Emily. JJ invited her to join our fitness club. And the two of them have grown quite close. Initially, I dismissed it as harmless camaraderie between colleagues. However, as days turned into weeks, my heart started whispering fears I could not ignore. This sudden development has left me feeling insecure and unsure about where I stand in our relationship.

I had been bottling it all up but there came a day when I could not keep the turmoil inside me anymore so I had a conversation with JJ about my feelings. I spoke softly, “I have noticed that you have been spending a lot of time with Emily lately. It is great that you two get along, but I cannot help feeling a little uneasy about it.” JJ has assured me, “You don’t have to worry. We are just friends. There’s nothing more than that going on.”

I appreciate his honesty, but my heart still feels heavy when I think about them together. I am just so afraid of losing what we have. Just as much as I have been his rock, he has been my rock too. That’s why this change is unsettling for me.

JJ is very jovial so whenever we go for club meetings, he makes funny contributions. Because of this, he is popular among the members of the club. One day during a hangout, some of the members asked when he was going to get married. Before he could answer, Emily replied; “I am surprised he is still single because he has everything he needs to get married.” That day, I was surprised and confused at the same time but I didn’t react.

I have a relative in the club who recently told me that JJ discussed with him that Emily has a very good heart. I am the type of girl almost every guy would love to date. I am not materialistic. I am hardworking. I have curves in all the right places. I have men literally swooning over me, but I do not look their way.

Unfortunately, I cannot say the same for my boyfriend. This guy fell sick recently and I paid him a surprise visit, only to meet Emily there. She excused us but JJ realized that my mood had changed. He gave explanations; “You need to understand that she visited me because she is my only friend from work. You too get to spend quality time with your friends when you go to work. It’s the same with me and her.” I work in a male-dominated field so he uses that as an excuse for his closeness with her.

What pained me most was that JJ told me that I should call him the next time I want to visit. “I was just about to step out when you came in, so you could have met my absence.” That’s the reason he gave me. Meanwhile, he already gave me a spare key to my apartment. We are even making marriage plans. So why do I need to call him before I visit him? If I get there and he is out, I have a key.

This whole thing he has going on with Emily has been emotionally challenging for me. I find myself grappling with feelings of jealousy, fear, and self-doubt. I do not want to jump to conclusions, but I cannot help feeling concerned that their connection might jeopardize what we have built together.

The other day, Emily was very quiet when she came for a club meeting. She wouldn’t laugh at jokes or make suggestions when she was asked to. At the end of the meeting my boyfriend told me; “Give me a minute. I want to give something to Emily before we go home.” I knew deep down he just wanted to ask her why she was quiet and if something was wrong with her. But I didn’t object to it. I just nodded and watched him leave.

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It is essential for me to communicate my feelings with my partner, but I want to approach the conversation with sensitivity and understanding. That’s why I need your advice on how to approach this delicate situation. How can I communicate my feelings openly without pushing him away? Should I express my concerns about his friendship with Emily, or should I try to understand that it is okay for them to be that close?

To open your mouth to say I love you, Is kind of weird

Has anyone here encountered a similar experience? How did you handle it? I want to address this issue without being controlling or overly possessive, but it is becoming increasingly difficult as my emotions continue to weigh me down.

I understand that though relationships are beautiful, they are also complex. For this reason, I am determined to work through this uncertainty with the help of your wise counsel. So know that your insights and perspectives will mean the world to me and play a vital role in how I navigate this challenging phase in my relationship.

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—Phoebe 

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