I met Guy in 2016. He was separated from his wife at the time. He said they were yet to finalize their divorce. I believed him because nothing in his life showed that he was involved with another woman. In fact, he was knee-deep in debt. He had a decent job but his debts made it impossible for him to survive on his salary.

He complained bitterly, “What I take home at the end of every month is so small yet I have to take care of my kids and my parents. How then do I take care of myself?” I felt bad for him so I started supporting him.

I had a good job that paid me well. So I could afford to assist him whenever he needed me. Even when he became my boyfriend, I was still the one holding him together with my money. By and by, he finished paying off his debts.

When he finished he decided to build a house for his mother. “I will have to go for another loan to do that,” he explained. I didn’t object to that. This was in 2020. Unfortunately, when he went for the loan I was laid off. This made it difficult for me to support him as well as I used to.

Throughout the years we were together, this guy never gave me any gift. It didn’t even happen once. He never paid my transport fare, nor did he offer to buy me fuel every time I visited him. These things registered in my mind but I never made a big deal out of it. I felt we were building a future together so things would fall into place eventually.

This was the way I thought about our relationship until August 2020 arrived. I will never forget that period in my life. Because it marks the time l caught Guy cheating on me with more than five ladies.

While I was falling apart by this revelation, he blamed me for it. He had the audacity to tell me; “I had to find company among these women because you don’t have time for me. I am a man with needs. Have you forgotten?” I don’t know if I was blinded by my love for him or if he was just good at manipulating me. But I ended up accepting the blame for what happened.

Even after I took the blame, he didn’t stop. He even asked me to give him time to let go of the relationships he was involved in. I gave him till 2021 to break up with those women but he didn’t do it. Then came 2022. He continued to cheat and I kept forgiving him.

My unemployed status made it expensive for me to maintain my car so I had to sell it. Along the line, I ended up attending a birthday party with a friend and closed late. I asked Guy to come and pick me up and he agreed. Only for him not to show up. I called him that night and his phone was off. I didn’t hear from him till the next morning. That was when he appeared from wherever he disappeared to. Meanwhile, I fueled his car when I asked him for the lift. It pained me that he disgraced me in front of his friend.

After we put that drama behind us, l asked him to go back to school so he would qualify for a promotion to a managerial position. I just wanted him to be in a position that would help increase his salary. He agreed to go back to school and l assisted him till he gained admission.

He is now studying in Botswana and everything is going well for him. Now, here is my problem. I was going about my business when his girlfriend called to warn me to leave Guy alone. She said they were getting ready to get married. I didn’t argue with her. I just told her, “You don’t have to worry about me. He is all yours. Good luck because you are going to need it.” That should be the end, right?

Well, it is for me but not for me. He has refused to let me go. I find it funny that two months ago, he was showing me attitude. He was not responding to my texts as he used to. Guy would take five days to return a phone call or reply to a message. When I asked why he was behaving that way he lied that he didn’t have data. Yet I always saw him online.

So after the call from his supposed girlfriend, I told him to never text me again. l thought we were on the same page until he found out that l will be getting my past salaries from when l got laid off to date. He has now made a U-turn.

I haven’t blocked him so he tells me about his day every day. He always ends his daily reports with, “I love you so much, babe. No one can come between us.” He even says that he needs my support because l was the one who encouraged him to go to school. “You know I cannot do this without you. The sponsorship doesn’t cover all expenses.”

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My sister who knows what is going on took it upon herself to tell the Guy to stop talking to me. She also told his girlfriend to keep her man away from me. The girl then got angry and came to my WhatsApp to insult me. She even threatened my life.

I didn’t ask for my sister to contact any of them. Besides, it was the lady who first took the initiative to contact me. However, Mr. Cheater here is furious as to why my sister contacted his girlfriend. And he blamed me. Meanwhile, when I asked for the girl’s name and address so I could file a complaint against her at the police station for threatening my life, he didn’t give it to me.

I’m Attracted To Women Who Have Children

After doing all this, he still wants me to fund him at school and also help him start a side hustle. Yes, l once told him l would help but that was when we were still in the relationship. Can any of you assist an ex-boyfriend with R250 000 and school, just because he still has two years left to complete? He is calling me selfish and, of course, playing the victim. He doesn’t see how any of this is his fault.

Note that one of the reasons I stayed with him when he was cheating was because I never saw myself getting married. So I told him to feel free and cheat. But he should tell me when he finds someone he wants to marry. I would have peacefully backed away from him if he did. What else could I have done for him? Am l really wrong in all this?

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—Charlie

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