My husband lives in another town due to work. I live in the matrimonial home we built together, with our three beautiful children. My work and our kids’ school will not permit us to relocate to where he is. Doing a long-distance marriage is a lot of work but we know what we share is worth it. I visit when I can and he also visits us as often as possible.

One time we discussed some chairs we needed for our home. He was supposed to give me the money to buy them. Before I knew it, he came home with a set of chairs. “Why did you decide to buy the chairs yourself?” I asked him. He said, “A friend of mine went with me to a place to check them out. They had good deals so I just bought them.” He said this friend was a man. I wasn’t pleased that he went shopping with someone else for things we needed in our home but I didn’t make an issue out of it.

The next thing that happened was his interest in certain projects he hadn’t shown interest in pursuing before. I asked him what inspired him to start those projects and he mentioned this same friend that took him shopping. When he started talking about new business ideas, it was the said friend who pitched them to him.

Whenever he had to consult with someone to discuss how to execute his projects and plans, he says it is his friend that connects him to these people. He just didn’t take any step or make any move without the counsel of his friend.

It used to be the two of us doing these things. We are a partnership. We don’t start things or embark on new ventures without the involvement of the other person. So imagine how left out I felt when this man started bringing his friend into everything he was doing. He wouldn’t discuss anything with me to hear my thoughts. He told me what he was doing so I would know.

I felt completely cut off from him because of this new friend who had taken my place. I tried to talk to him about it but he made me feel I was overreacting to the situation. God being so good, I went to visit him and found the receipts of the chairs he bought lying around. I took a look at them and realized the person who bought them was a woman.

I confronted him and he admitted that he lied. “How would you have taken it if I told you it was my ex-girlfriend who bought the chairs?” He asked. He said he didn’t want me to jump to conclusions. Why would I jump to conclusions? That’s because all the projects are businesses he was investing in came from his ex.

He was trying to hide the fact that the person making me feel shut out of my marriage was him and another woman, but God allowed him to be careless with the receipts. “I am sorry,” he apologized, “Now that I know it bothers you, I will cut her off.” I didn’t just take his word for it. I equally contacted the lady and spoke to her.

She apologized for causing problems in our marriage and promised never to be in touch with my husband again. I didn’t have any suspicions that anything had happened between them so I decided to allow peace to reign. I just focused on taking care of the children and making my marriage work.

A few days ago I got information that the lady’s brother is the one giving my husband advice on a new project he is putting up. It was even this same lady that gave my husband the business idea. What I don’t understand is, that she was not in the picture before we got married. He only mentioned her casually so I know he dated someone before he met me. That was it.

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When we first got married she was not in the picture either. Everything was fine between us. So why is it that ten years down the line, she popped up out of nowhere and inserted herself into our lives? Before you say I am just making things up, you should know that she is recently divorced. I don’t know what collapsed her marriage. All I know is she has a child with her ex-husband.

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It appears she came straight into my husband’s life the moment her marriage fell apart. Mind you, she got divorced from her husband and she has a kid with her ex-husband. When I found out they were still in touch, I again confronted my husband. “It’s not her fault that we still talk. She gives good business advice so when I need to talk to someone about these things, I contact her.” He feels there’s nothing wrong with him going to her for counsel, but I don’t see it that way.

I am now confused. How can another woman who left her marriage be the reason my marriage may collapse? I need advice on what to do before this situation gets out of hand.

—Lordina

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