I gained admission to one of the colleges of education in the Volta region four years ago. My plan was simple; get to the school and go about my affairs quietly until I graduate with my certificate. Sure, I knew I would make a few friends here and there but I also knew that I wouldn’t be distracted from my purpose. And my purpose was to fulfil my lifelong dream of becoming a teacher. And everything was working in my favour. I made a few friends when I got to school, and one of these friends was a boy who is five years younger than me.

His name is Theo, and he didn’t look anything like his age. He is tall and hunky with facial hair. I also don’t look my age. I am very smallish and I have a ‘baby face’ so most people assume that I am a teenager. When Theo and I became friends, he must have thought the same thing too. Because in the course of our friendship, I realized he had a crush on me. I didn’t want to date anyone at the time, especially not someone so young, so I tried my best to disentangle myself from him. However, it didn’t work. Instead of letting me slowly drift away, he rather came forward and asked me to be his girlfriend.

I told him, “First of all, you are too young for me. There is a five-year age gap between us. Secondly, we came to school so let’s not distract ourselves with love and relationships.” He told me, “I don’t care that you are older than me. You know that I act very mature for my age. Isn’t that why you are able to be friends with me? So if there’s a little part of you that likes me, give us a chance. And I promise you won’t regret it.” Truly, when I searched into my heart, a part of me liked him. So I decided to give him a chance.

We were doing well from the beginning but along the line, people started telling him he was dating an old lady. And that got into his head. The jokes I made that made him laugh started to irritate him. The things he loved about me, became things he complained bitterly about. In short while, he became easily provoked by anything I did. Nothing I have done in the past four years we have been together had ever pleased him. All we do is quarrel like cats and dogs. When we are not quarrelling, he is asking me for a breakup. Me too I have fallen so much in love with him that I end up begging him not leave me. I would beg him for several days before he would decide to take me back. I know it’s humiliating but I always feel hurt when he is not talking to me.

My friends and his friends have told me repeatedly, “Theo doesn’t deserve you. Let him go so you can meet someone better.” I knew that they were right but I felt like if I walked away from him I would cease to exist. I don’t know how to explain it but it felt like his presence in my life was what kept me going. Which I think is absurd, because he would insult me anyhow, and even beat me sometimes. I knew I should leave him but I always held out hope that he would change. One of the things that also made me stay with him was that I have gotten rid of several pregnancies for him. I even have fertility problems as a result of that. My fear was if I left him no man would want me. He knew about it, and he took advantage of that fear and used it to inflict miseries upon me.

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One thing that he is doing that has made me decide to leave him is his behaviour just as we are about to complete school. He sacked me every time I went to his house, just so he could bring in different girls. Sometimes he humiliated me in front of these girls. That is where I drew the line and decided to walk away. Oh, I left and I am trying to stay gone. I tell myself, “I don’t need him. I was fine before I met him and I will be fine long after he is gone.” But the next thing I realize, I am having a breakdown and wishing I would crawl back to him.

I wish the human heart came with a switch. That way I could switch off my love for him and move on peacefully. For days now, I haven’t even attended lectures because I don’t want to see him. I’ve blocked him everywhere but I’m not able to block him from my heart. It’s been four years of loving him and hoping that he would do right by me but all of it has come to nothing. I wish I had stuck to my plan and never gotten involved with him, especially knowing how young he is. But what is done is done. I just want to pick up the pieces of my life and move on. Please what can I do to forget about him as quickly as possible? I’m worried that I might end up going back to beg him to take me back. Please I need advice.

—Jade

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