I wasn’t interested in having a boyfriend when I was a teenager. I told myself I would wait till I met a man who was worthy of me. “The first man I date has to be the man I marry,” I believed. By the time I got to the university, a lot had changed. I was single and willing to make adjustments to my No-Boyfriend rule. Then he came along and knocked me off my feet. 

I was drawn to his calm, quiet, and laid-back personality. Also, he seemed like someone who could never hurt a fly. I liked that about him. We were friends first. Chemistry like ours shrouded in friendship could not be hidden for long. We became lovers in no time. 

I am obsessed with reading stories on this page and one other relationship page. One day I was with him when I saw a post about sports betting on the other page. People were sharing their experiences. I read some of them to him and expressed my displeasure for guys who bet. I joked, “So if you know you are into betting, tell me now so that I can leave you immediately.” I laughed so he’d know I was joking but he got defensive, “I will never think of betting. I know that thing destroys lives.” 

A few weeks after that conversation, he sent me a text saying he had to come clean to me about something. I asked him what and he confessed; “I am into sports betting.” I meant it when I said there was no way I would be with a guy who bets. However, I chose to stay and help him. 

I made three suggestions. “First, delete all the betting apps on your phone immediately.” He told me he deleted all the apps. He also blocked himself from the apps. The second was, “Whenever I come across a betting story, I will send it to you to read. After that, we will discuss the lessons you learned from the story.” He agreed. We also agreed that he would call me whenever he got the urge to bet. 

He never called me when he got the urge to bet but I kept my end of the bargain and sent him betting stories to read. I was sure we were making progress. He confirmed this when he sent me a text saying; “Thank you for helping me overcome my addiction. I haven’t done it for a long time now.” I believed him. I was even happy for him. 

One day I was going through his phone when I saw the Sporty Bet app on his phone. This guy swore I didn’t see it right and that the app was meant to check live scores during football matches. I remember telling him, “I won’t give you a second chance if I find out you are still betting but you are lying to me.” He swore he wasn’t. 

I suppose I should have known something was off when he became poor and needy all of a sudden. Unlike him, I am not from a rich home. My family is poor and struggling. I manage the little they give me and even save something to buy Kofi gifts on his birthdays and Vals Day. I can’t say the same for him though.

His family gave him enough to sustain him. He didn’t spend his money on clothes or shoes. Even his food, he made them himself so he would save money. Someone like this shouldn’t have money problems but he did. He never had money to buy me gifts. All he did was take from me. 

I remember my birthday that year. He didn’t get me anything. My aunt sent me money to make my favorite meal, fufu. When I told this guy about the money, he cooked up a story to take almost half of the money from me. He said he would pay it back but when the time came for him to deliver, he acted as if he forgot about the money. 

I wasn’t ready to let him keep half of my birthday gift when he didn’t get me anything. I pestered him until he paid the money back. No sooner than that, he came to tell me another story. He mistakenly knocked over the hawker and her wares. This incurred a debt of GHC300. I told him I didn’t have the money. “What about the hostel fees your mother gave you? Can’t you lend me some of it?” I refused but he begged and begged until I gave it to him. After he received it, he pretended as if he didn’t owe me. I also gave him attitude until he paid my money. 

One time he texted me with another number to tell me that he’d misplaced his phone and was looking for it. Later in the evening, he came to my place and said he couldn’t find the phone. I fixed him something to eat and we talked and laughed till he went to his place. The next day I got this sudden urge to call his phone so badly. When I called, a lady picked up. 

She said she was a Momo vendor. “The owner of this phone came to me to make a deposit. After I sent the money to his phone, he couldn’t give me cash. So he left his phone with me as payment.” That was the last straw for me. I broke up with him. 

He came to my place with his friend with a cooked-up story as an explanation. I asked him to cut the crap and tell me what he used the money for. He used it to bet thinking he would win and pay it back but he lost. That explanation didn’t change anything. If he was going through all this trouble to bet then there was no hope for us. I insisted I couldn’t be with him anymore.  

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Guess what? Exactly three days after his family paid the debt and he got his phone back, he went to do the same thing at a different place. This time around, it was GHC10,000. I was there when a friend of his called to tell me Kofi was in police custody. Meanwhile, he was in my DM those past three days telling me he’d change so I should take him back. 

After his release, I asked if all the times he cooked up stories to take money from me was to bet. He admitted, “Yes, most of the time I used the money to bet, but it wasn’t all the time.” I was so shocked to hear this. I felt I didn’t know him at all. You should see his face, you won’t think such a person is into betting. I felt ashamed that I was too blinded by love to see through him. 

After this experience, I don’t think anything will push me to give my money to a guy or get my guy gifts in my next relationship. I mean, my ex even graduated from betting to aviator and I had no clue. Well, he claimed he saw a counselor. He also didn’t return to school. He had to defer his program.

It’s been a while since I walked away from him but I’ve not moved on from the shame this guy put me through. I’ve even lost interest in guys altogether. I get so angry when a man even proposes love to me. I have deleted the contacts of men who post photos of betting slips on their status. I am sharing this story to add my voice to the message that betting destroys lives. My ex had a promising future till the addiction got the better of him.

— Carrie

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