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I’ve known my boyfriend for the past six years. When our relationship took off, he was everything I wanted in a man. He was caring and very considerate. Our relationship was two years old when he said he wanted us to get married. I was happy. There are few girls who got the opportunity to marry the guy they fell very hard for. I was one of the few girls. I asked him, “When are we going to get married?” He said, “There are a few things I need to put in place first. Just give me like three months we’ll do the knocking and take it up from there.”
Three months came and the knocking didn’t happen but what I saw gave me hope that eventually, things will happen just the way I like it. He started buying the clothes we’ll need for the marriage. He brought a pair of cloth one day and months later, he brought another pair. He asked me, “What do you think your parents will add to the list? Let’s get those things so we can do the wedding right after the knocking.”
I mentioned a few items off my head. He said, “I’ll get them as soon as possible.” Today he would bring slippers, tomorrow he would bring a dozen of panties. I kept asking when he would like to come and meet my parents because I wanted to inform them about it. He kept telling me, “Don’t let us rush it. As soon as I’m able to clear the rough edges, I would be coming home.”
A year later, we were still together but haven’t taken any step toward the knocking ceremony. He kept postponing. I didn’t get angry because his attitude toward me was always positive. He spent time with me. We had fun when we ought to and whenever I needed aid, he came to my rescue just as I also went to his rescue whenever he needed something. Our relationship was four years old when I asked him, “Dear, “What’s delaying your intention of us getting married? You spoke about knocking two years ago but we are still here. What is the problem?”
I needed to know what’s making him develop cold feet because I couldn’t understand it. He was working and making money. He was buying the items we needed for the marriage bit by bit yet wouldn’t talk about when the knocking would happen. He said, “We’ll do it. You know marriage is a lifelong adventure. We need to take our time and get it right from the start.” I said, “You always talk about edges and getting certain things right but you’ve never mentioned anything by name. Name them today. What are those rough edges? What are the problems holding you back?”
He found a clever way to avoid answering my questions. He made me feel I was pressuring him into marrying me. So that day I decided not to talk about it again. He kept doing what he loved doing and kept giving me the impression that all was well. One day he gave a date. He said, “In June, I’ll come and meet your family and since everything is almost ready, we’ll get married six months after the knocking.” I told my parents about the knocking which was in three months. They were ready to receive him. A month before the knocking he told me, “My rent is due and I don’t want to renew it. We are getting married very soon and I’ll leave that place anyway so there’s no need to renew. Your place is big enough. I would like to move in here so we keep the amount for rent renewal for something else.”
What he said made sense so I agreed for him to move in. A week to the knocking ceremony, he said, “I’m getting us a bigger place in town. The landlord is asking for two years advance and I’m ready to pay. So why don’t we hold on to the knocking, so I settle that one first.” We fought about it but in the end, he had his way. We put the knocking on hold.
It’s been two years now; my boyfriend lives with me. We are not married yet. The knocking didn’t happen. All he does is make one excuse after another. I’ve seen through the excuses and I know he’s not going to stop giving excuses any moment from now. What baffles me most is the fact that he doesn’t pay rent and doesn’t pay utilities. When I ask him, he treats me like I’m being ungrateful. He will say something like, “I’m trying to put things in order so we get married soon but all you do is worry me about little things like utilities. Is that what you are going to do when we marry?”
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For two years, I feel like I’ve carried him on my shoulders for far too long. My rent is due again. I’ve asked him to contribute but he’s giving me stories. I’ve been thinking. I want to drive him out of the house without bruising his ego. I’m tired. I don’t even want the marriage again. I want to live my life without carrying another man’s son on my shoulders. I want to live lightweight. He’s too heavy he pulls me down.
The issue now is how to start the conversation with him. I don’t know where to start from and I don’t know how to end it. He has a way of convincing me to do the things he likes. I don’t know how he does it but no matter how angry I am, he talks to me and I stop whatever I planned to do. I don’t want this conversation to be like the usual conversation. I want to tell him today to leave and tomorrow he leaves.
I’m confused. I need help on what to say and what to do to drive this guy out of my life. Yes, he had helped me before but I’ve also come through for him so many times but this time, I feel like he’s wasting my time with his excuses. I feel burdened with him and his presence makes me angry. Where do I start from and where do I go to get him out of my house?
–Kekeli
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