He has a child who lives with his parents. From the beginning of this relationship, he didn’t tell me about this child but he told me about a relationship he had that almost landed him into marriage. They were getting there when the lady pulled out of the arrangement.

From the beginning, he told me the lady pulled out because she met someone else. Someone who had plenty of money to shower on her. I felt pity for him and even blamed women for being materialistic sometimes. He told me, “I know you won’t do that because you were raised in a good home.”

He proposed and I accepted. When he realized I was deeply in love with him, he told me he had a secret to share with me. I asked what it was about and he said “Someday.” I pushed him for days before he told me. He even told me during sex. I don’t know why he chose that moment to tell me something that important—something that had the potential to change the bearings of our relationship.

In between a moan, he said softly, almost in whispers, “Do you know I have a son?” I responded with a dash of my own moan; “What did you say?” I asked in between whispers. He repeated himself. This time it was clearer than before. I asked, “Seriously?” He nodded. We were at the wrong point to be angry or push him off but a chip of the excitement fell off.

When we were done, we got talking about it. The relationship that nearly landed him in marriage also landed him into fatherhood. He wasn’t prepared to be a father but the lady held his head and immersed him into fatherhood the way pastors do when they are baptizing sinners.

I was disappointed. Angry actually but the relationship was new and I had told myself already that it was the last relationship that takes me to the altar.

Every relationship faces challenges so I took it as a challenge I had to deal with. I asked, “What else don’t I know? I don’t want our next sex to become the foreground of silly confessions. Confess now. Do you have another child somewhere?”

He shook his head.

“Is the lady still in the picture?”

He shook his head and said no.

“What really happened to you two before you broke up?”

He said the lady didn’t want the marriage to happen because of the child. She didn’t trust that he was marrying her for the right reasons.

“And you’re sure there are no more secrets?”

He nodded.

My mom warned me about dating a man who has kids. She told me their women don’t leave the picture completely, especially when the men become wealthy in future. They become entitled, stick around and cause commotion for the marriage. She told me to watch out before I land in such a problem. I was already in it and was thinking of how to tell my mom about it every day. Apart from that headache, our relationship had been very stable and drama-free.

READ ALSO: He Is A Good Man But His Devils Are Too Big

When he takes me home to see his parents, I use the opportunity to bond with the boy. He’s four and already knows my name. He jumps on me and plays with me as if I was the womb that stored him for nine months. He’s adorable, bubbly and a child. Children who are boys are usually troublesome. He carries the same grace of a troublesome boy but he’s easy to love.

My boyfriend wants him to come and spend the vacation with me at my place.

That’s what I have a problem with and I told him why it wasn’t a good idea but before that, I asked why and he said, “You’re his mother now. We’ll get married soon and he’ll come and stay with us so let’s use vacations as practicals.”

I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. The question that came out of my mouth was, “Where are your parents going?” He said they were not going anywhere but it’s the boy who needs to experience a different environment.

I asked, “The boy told you that? That he needs a different environment? I won’t have a problem living with him when we marry so I shouldn’t practice before that day. I’m a woman. Naturally, I’m a caregiver to people like him. I’m a mother. I don’t need to practice being a mother so if you want, take him to your place for that new environment experience. I’ll come around often to see you two.”

Because I won’t accept to live with his son for the purpose of parental practice, he thinks I’m pretending to love his son. This issue is generating into chaos and this chaos will rock the boat of this relationship. I told him, “Yes, we’ll marry, I believe that but we are not married yet. My parents come around to visit. What do I tell them when they ask who the boy is? That I’m living with the son of my boyfriend?”

He thinks the love I show his son when I see him is a facade. It’s not the truth. There’s a mask covering the love so he wants to go behind the mask. I believe motherhood is not something you audition for. You can’t even prepare for motherhood so why audition for it? What lines am I going to use for the audition? What’s the monologue? And what’s the assurance that I will use the same lines and dialogues during the stage play, where I’m the mother and he’s my son?

I don’t know why this is even a problem in our relationship but he sees it as a red flag and honestly, I see it as a red flag too. The boy’s mother isn’t dead. Why can’t he go on vacation with her? Is there something I don’t know? There’s more to the story than he had already told me? Red flags, right?

It All Started From A Whatsapp Message | Kingsley & Lydia

Currently, our conversations are shorter than a sigh. “How are you?” “I’m fine.” Then we are stuck. All of a sudden, we don’t have anything to say to each other and it makes me think issues about his son are more important than anything and anyone else. Should I run away? Or it’s too soon to fold my flags. Let me ask; am I wrong to say no to the idea of his son living with me during vacation? Help a confused friend out.

SHARE | Help Us Grow

—Kate 

This story you just read was sent to us by someone just like you. We know you have a story too. Email it to us at [email protected]. You can also drop your number and we will call you so you tell us your story.