Somewhere in 2016, I met a guy through a friend’s boyfriend. My friend’s boyfriend is called Kwame, while the guy he introduced me to is called Augustine. Although they are around the same age, Kwame is Augustine’s uncle. And we all met at my friend’s brother’s funeral.
Augustine lived en route where I lived so after the funeral, Kwame asked him to drop me off at home. This gave us the opportunity to talk deeply and get to know each other. After he dropped me off, we exchanged numbers and started talking from there.
The more we talked the closer we got. It felt like we had known each other our entire lives. I don’t even remember who proposed, or if there was any proposal at all. We just became an item. I cared deeply about him. And from all indications, I was assured he also cared about me. Our friends knew that we were together, and they cheered us on.
As the relationship progressed, I noticed that he always called one particular number. Whenever the number called him, he would drop everything and pick up the call.
There were times when he ran out of airtime and couldn’t call the person. Augustine would use my phone to call this person. I had no idea who this person was. I asked him questions but he didn’t give me any answers.
I even saved the number so that I could find out who was on the other end. By doing this, I found out the lady’s name. I asked him who she was and he said they were just friends. Apart from his constant calls to the lady, there was nothing else to make me suspect he was lying. So I accepted his explanations.
One day I was there when my friends started calling me out of nowhere. I didn’t know what was going on. Usually, they would text me but that day they kept calling me until I picked up. The first thing one person said was, “Obaa, are you aware that Augustine has gotten married?” I had no idea what this was about. When she hung up another person called, “I didn’t know you and Augustine broke up until I found out he is married to someone else. Did you know about the wedding?”
At this point, I felt my friends had received false information. I didn’t want to involve Augustine in this either. So I went on Facebook and typed the lady’s name. To say that I was shocked is an understatement. I found wedding pictures of Augustine and this same lady whose issue kept coming up when we started dating.
I was not broken, I was completely shattered. I felt like my heart had stopped beating. I think I almost lost my mind. It took the grace of God, and support from my family and friends for me to survive the entire experience.
After him, I haven’t had any successful relationships. While he lived his life as though he didn’t leave me as collateral damage of his poor life choices. He had two kids with his wife. And I heard they were perfectly happy together.
Now here is the problem. Late last year, my friend called me that Kwame asked her for my number. The same Kwame that introduced me to his nephew but didn’t bother to tell me there was another woman in the picture. Initially, I told my friend not to give my number to him. But he and Augustine called her and pressured her into giving the number to them. When she told me this, I wasn’t mad. I just prepared myself mentally to receive what I presumed would be an unpleasant phone call.
It didn’t take long for Kwame to call me. When I answered he went straight to the point, “Obaa, I want to visit you. There’s something I need to discuss with you.” I just told him, “I don’t have a problem if you are coming alone. But if you want to come with your nephew, then don’t bother.” After I said this, he dropped the issue and hung up. They didn’t attempt to visit again either.
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I thought I was done with them until I saw Kwame’s WhatsApp status. It was an obituary of Augustine’s wife. I felt so sorry to the point that I cried. When I dried my tears, I sent a text to Augustine and gave him my condolences. He explained that his wife got seriously ill and died. I offered him my sympathy once again and ended the conversation.
We Agreed To Be Friends With Benefit | Silent Beads
As I write this, the lady has been buried. Augustine and I talk quite often. This is because he wants me back. I am still scarred by how he left things in the past so I told him no. My friend said I should accept him back. But my brother and my male friend also say no. “If you had gone mad after what he did, would he have come back for you?” They asked.
Augustine has refused to look elsewhere. He says I’m the only one he can trust to be a good mother to his kids. This is why I am here today. This whole thing has me confused. I don’t know whether to give him another chance or insist on turning him away. Please I need advice. I am in a fragile place.
—Obaasima
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Just cut him off, he’s not worth it, he saw you as a backup plan and that shouldn’t be the case, if you were that important to him, at first he should have been frank with you concerning his late wife, when you guys were an item, he shouldn’t have toiled with your emotions and then after came back to you because he needed a favor, he’s in your past and the past is gone, forget about him and embrace what lies ahead…. He knew you’re a good person and made you went through hell. My opinion though.
Aaaa obaa don’t allow this guy treat you like an option some men are selfish so don’t let him take you for granted. You have to rethink and consider the fact that what if the wife was alive would he be here begging. Is difficult though but you don’t deserve a man who will leave without caring. You deserve a man who sees your worth
A manwho could not come up to you to break up with you all these years.he just left. He is not a good man or human.he never even tried to apologize. Same goes for the Kwame who is following him. Now he is looking for a nanny for his kids he remembers you. You are a good woman for even minding him. Please a man who can do that to you is not worth it.speaks a lot about his family
Don’t ok.Dont be an option to someone who rejected you from her.Dont accept him someone better will come your way.ive been in a similar situation before so I know what I’m talking about. As I type I’m happily married but he’s still on my neck.
The lady ha sa family,he should send the kids to them to take care of them or better still should marry someone else.
Madam, I beg, no. Dump him
Obaa he is not worth it, he just wants a caretaker.
Well the decision lies in your hands, do pray as well. All the best
Hi Obaa,
If I understood the right up, he’s coming to you because “you’re the only one he trusts can be a good mother to his kids”….
Please you deserve better than that.
Exactly here,not because he loves you!!!
My response may not sound nice but it is what it is. Kick that dog out of life completely. Don’t you ever let him near.
To think you’re even considering him makes me angry. You will always be a second option for him. When he’s done grieving, he’ll look elsewhere and dump you again. If you want to go mad properly this time round, accept him
He just wants a nanny for his kids. Kick him to the kerb!
He has refused to look elsewhere and so wat? Pls place some value on urself wai. After all this unsavory treatment u still want to consider him boi! 🙄
Eiiii some women are foooooooools paaa oooo. Is it that your parents didn’t love you when you were kids or what? Eiiii gyimiiii paaa nie….
Go and be with him. Foolish lady
Second hand
What is ɔbaa sima about you. Are you correct in the head? You call this your friend a friend? For all you know she knew all along about this Augustine guy’s wife yet hooked you to him. Block all of them before you go mad. Do you have brothers and parents ? And they are looking on for you to think foolishly like that. If you were my sister the way anka I would whip you and that fucking man
Eiii Quami please relax okay
The way I was angry when she started entertaining the kwame guy no not to think of even talking with the Augustine guy. Sometimes I wonder if that’s just the way God created women or what. Probably parents are failing at their jobs. Cus if you are loved from infancy and have self love, these things wouldn’t be happening
Quami, I completely agree with you. Zero self esteem to the point that she didn’t move on after this wicked man did her that evil.
Now you are confused, want him back to right the wrong? It will never happen. He will only finish shattering your mental health.
God loves and values you so act like it! Put some value on yourself, aaba!
Obaasima please and please again, don’t accept him back he doesn’t love you at all. Trust me you will never be happy in this marriage. He love his kids and his concern will always be his kids and not you. You can not make any constructive criticism about the kids without him getting angry
Wow…the only ‘salary’ he could give you for becoming a nanny to his children is marrying you???….if his wife hadn’t died he wouldn’t care about you and he still doesn’t care about you. Open your eyes dummy, he only needs a nanny not a wife. And for the record he doesn’t love you.
Kick him out of your life completely. To him you are his second option. If you accept him and he comes back, he will go and look for another woman.