We dated for two years before he travelled abroad. I was in school while he was working. When the love was new, it was everything to me and maybe to him too because he never stopped coming around to take me out every evening.

After a year, a lot changed as expected but we held on to the love we had. We could go through problems easily because his family knew about me and my family also knew about him. His mom loved me the way she loved her daughter. She could call and beg me not to leave her son because I was the best thing that happened to him.

When it was time for him to travel abroad, he asked for financial help. I wasn’t working then. He begged me to borrow from friends for him and promised he would pay as soon as he got there. I spoke to friends and family. I told them that my boyfriend needed the money and that his dream of travelling abroad would be in vain without it.

A lot of people dashed me money as a form of support. Others gave it to me as a loan. I raised the amount he was looking for in a week. The night before he travelled, I was with him. I cried and wished him well. The next morning, he flew away.

I didn’t hear from him for a week. My heart was not fine. My mind was always on tour, playing reels of the worst that could happen. I could sleep and not sleep well because I hadn’t heard from him. One night a call came through, immediately I saw the number on the phone, I quickly picked it up; “Oh Joel, why did you do that to me?”

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He laughed. I felt well again. I didn’t want to hang up when he said bye. I asked him to promise me he would call again the next day and he did.

All of a sudden my mind was well again. My crazy heart found rest in stopped moving like a carrousel. We talked every night and day. All was well again.

Five months later, I found a job and told him about it. He was happy for me and even said he would have stayed if he found a job that would pay him as much as I was being paid. I jokingly said, “Come back, I’ll give you my job and look for another one.”

Seven months later, he didn’t say anything about the loan he took from me. When I reminded him he said he was going to pay so I should give him a little time. Honestly, I’ve paid back those loans so a little time didn’t hurt.

Then he started making requests. Sometimes crazy, sometimes outlandish; “My mom is lonely, can you go and keep her company this weekend?”

I would go to the market, shop and take it to his mother’s house. I would cook at least three dishes before leaving in the evening. I would wash for her, clean and serve her food. Usually, she would say kind words in return. I loved doing it for his mom until it became a daily request. “My mom is sick, can you visit her? Can you take her to the hospital for me?”

He never sent a dime for all the runs I was doing for her mom. I didn’t want to ask him for anything too so I stopped going to her mom with groceries and ingredients. I would go, sit next to her for a while and leave. Maybe his mother complained to him so he called one day and was angry, “Why don’t you do this and that again? You go all the way to my mom’s place empty-handed? Ain’t you being inconsiderate?”

“Dear Joel, ever since you’ve been away, you haven’t sent anything to me for your mother’s upkeep. You have two sisters who are not far from her. Your elder brother is also in this country. Why should I be the one to do that? I don’t mind but you don’t give me anything so I can only do it when I have money.”

He kept ranting about the salary I received and asked what I was doing with it. He talked about how hard abroad was and how he was making drastic savings to be able to marry me and take me abroad. He didn’t talk about the loan he took and how he was going to settle it. It looked like it was becoming a bad debt, I got it.

All these troubles aside, every night when we talked, he would be like, “Snap it and send it to me, I’ve missed it so much.”

At first, I didn’t have a problem with that so I did it willingly. We could even have a video call and I’ll show him everything. All he had to do was tell me how to turn, how low the camera should go and how wide I should open my legs. I did it for him because he was far away and it was the little I could do to keep the spark of our relationship. It became a daily thing, no matter how many you sent him, he still asked for more.

Looking at all the failed promises from his side, I decided to put everything on hold. I’m no longer visiting his mom with food items, I’m no longer taking care of his mom’s medical bills and I’m no longer snapping and sending. He has sensed the change and has started using marriage and taking me abroad as bait. “Have you met someone new?” He would ask. “Remember I’m planning to come for you after marriage. Don’t let anyone change your mind.”

The last time he said that I told him to put his money where his mouth is. I’m not asking him to send me money. I’m asking him to pay what he owes me and send money for his mother’s upkeep whenever he wants me to visit her. He thinks I earn enough so I should sacrifice my earnings to make him happy while he saves because if he doesn’t save the pennies, he can’t marry me. After refusing to take care of me in the day, he would appear in the night and ask me to snap and send.

It Will Be Difficult For Me To Commit To One Person

I’ve started availing myself to other people who I think are serious about me. I’m talking to a few people every time and meeting new people who catch my interest every now and then. At least, I see them often and see what they are up to. They don’t take from me and refuse to pay. I don’t take care of their mothers and they don’t ask me to snap and send.

They might not have marriage intentions but knowing them gives me the opportunity to assess them honestly to know if they fall in line with my future plans. I’ve told him all that and his answer was, “I haven’t left you. I’ll come and marry you soon, you’ll see. You just have to play your part.”

Is this love?

—Freda 

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