In the course of our friendship, Agnes told me she had a little girl she was taking care of. “She is my sister’s daughter but I am the one responsible for her,” she explained. I admired her for it. I saw her as a kind-hearted and responsible woman who was taking care of her niece. It wasn’t until I showed interest in her and she accepted to be with me that she finally told me the truth. The little girl was not her sister’s.

She was actually the mother of the child. Honestly, I don’t have any qualms about being with a single mother so it wouldn’t have changed anything about the way I felt for her. It was totally unnecessary for her to lie about it. However, I didn’t hold it against her. I had already fallen in love with her and the little girl, so I chose to forgive her.

My interest in her went beyond a short-term affair. I wanted to make her my wife. I didn’t hide this from her. I told her, “Let’s get to know each other better, while I put myself together to perform the necessary rites.” She said she didn’t have a problem waiting. We both agreed that I would take responsibility for her daughter’s upkeep. I didn’t have a problem doing that. If I am going to marry her then her child is mine too, I thought.

She had told me that her ex was not in the picture but along the line, I found out otherwise. She was even the one showing me messages from her ex, telling me the guy was threatening her. That was how I found out she was still in contact with him. It was a red flag. The very one that makes some men shy away from single mothers. I should have noted it for what it was but I gave her the benefit of the doubt. I mean, what reasonable woman would go back to a man who abandoned her and their child? He wasn’t even taking care of their child. I was.

Her issues with her ex aside, she came to tell me one day that her pastor recommended someone in her church to her. According to her, she and this person are supposed to study each other. “I don’t want to hurt my pastor’s feelings by turning down his suggestion. So I’m only getting to know the guy. Nothing will come of it, I promise. After all, it’s not a marriage proposal.” This was another red flag I shouldn’t have ignored but I didn’t pay attention.

As time went on, I was not allowed to do any wrong in her eyes. Every little thing I did earned me the line, “This is exactly how my ex used to behave. You are no different from him.” I don’t know at what point I turned into her ex.

She easily got angry at me. The only time she didn’t see me as an annoying person was when she needed money. That was when I realized that I was just a source of money for her.

Before this realization, her grandmother passed away. I asked her if I could come to the funeral and she said no. It was her family affairs so I didn’t want to push it. I agreed not to show up. Besides, I was travelling and would return on the day of the funeral.

On that day, we had a misunderstanding. Something that shouldn’t have been a problem became one. It dawned on me then that whenever she was at fault in the relationship, she would gaslight me and act like the victim.

I’m not saying I am perfect but when I love someone, I give it my all. That’s why she would pick fights and I would stay quiet, and listen to her rant. When I didn’t respond she accused me of being arrogant. “Instead of you to communicate with me, you are being rude. Your ego is getting in the way of our relationship,” she would accuse. If I did speak up, she would say I was shouting and would cut off the conversation, only to call back later.

She often manipulated me with her daughter. She knew I liked the girl. And that I would help out financially if it involved her. Truly, I always fell for it.

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On the day of funeral, she posted a video with a guy blowing kisses at her. I was confused as she hadn’t replied to my calls or texts.

When we finally met to talk, she was on her phone the whole time. She only spoke to me when she wanted to show me messages from her ex. “Look, he is upset about the video on my status.” It also came up that day that her ex rented a place for her. While we were talking, she made me aware that she was going to meet her ex. This led to more fights. While we were arguing, she told me not to call her or text her again until she reaches out to me.

You Can’t Ask What A Woman Uses Her Money For | Chat & Chuckles Podcast | EP 3

If I weren’t so blind to the signs, I would have seen all of this coming. I later learned that she was still dating her ex while seeing this new guy from her church on the side. Her mother knew about them and fully supported her. The woman knew about me too. I had promised to give this woman a phone, but she accepted a phone from Agnes’ new man instead.

If I ignored everything in the past, this time around I couldn’t. I was her moneymaker while the other men were the ones she wanted. Ever since I discovered this, I have been so drained. I am hurt that while I was making plans for our future, I was just a tool for her to use. Why are some women like this? I haven’t been myself since this whole sham of a relationship came to an end. Hmm. It is well.

— Frank

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